I may not wholeheartedly agree with this man’s first two sentences or the last thought on this subject, but the meat in the middle is the woman I continue to see when I look in the mirror. The only woman I’ve ever wanted to be…
I’m sorry I’ve been quiet as of late. There hasn’t been much room in my head for poetry.
I’ve missed y’all so much.
~Aud
a lifetime
thinking it over
all the joys
the sadness
imprinting generations
building our strength
3/5/3/3/7/5 Shadorma Poetry
***
Nothing like a box Chevy (during a rebuild), booze, old country music and big brother’s barn on a Friday night. Baby, Middle and Red claiming seats as big brother chuckles. None of us would have it any other way. I love when we get together and laugh over ourselves.
Everyone’s version of our story is a little different, but oh we four see it the same… I love’em!
My blogging Anniversary snuck up on me. As soon as I saw this photo in my notifications box this morning, I realized it was April and I’d forgotten.
Four years?
You’ve held me accountable during the hardest four years of my life. Made me feel like a friend, a daughter, a sister and a lover.
Thank you for accepting me as I am, encouraging me to return to the poetry I love to write, and expecting me to share it because you know how desperately I need to…
You’ve given me my voice. Continue reading
How can you know?
I hear myself ask me
A whisper speaking without sound
How is it possible?
You mean to love the unknown?
Yes.
I don’t know, but I believe one can.
How?
Because I already do.
***
And in knowing so, today becomes my best birthday yet.
I love you.
Love yourself, love where you’re at today, who you are this moment, and be damn thrilled to know you can love unconditionally, with your whole heart even when tomorrow doesn’t yet make sense.
Smile today 🤓
Morning nourishment
Blueberry sweetness secure
What matters the most
***
Hustle of giggles
Cold toes kick up snowy hills
Whatever will be
***
Always a mom first
Stop growing up so quickly
My first name, Audrey
*** (Not my child, or photo, so if it’s yours all credit goes to you, of course.)
A window into ever after,
Witnessing from afar, a life
Where forests grow,
Oceans lap endlessly
And desires are still
Encouraged, sought after
And dreamed.
A place where faith,
Comes first, as our
Initial breath, while
prairie grass bows
Towards wind, steadfast.
Homes are full of heat,
Not just from bread baking,
But from love honest
and complete. Endless
Work, and time to pause
Deemed important,
Yet over time, has been lost.
Been fussing with my tree for a few days. Tryin’ to create festive feelings by decorating. Each morning brings colder weather and along with it the sniffles and coughs.
The children have been giving 100% in all their activities and with school. My responsibilities are being tended to, as well. The Christmas season is upon us. A lot to be thankful for this year. Today, we’re going to take in the wonder of our many blessings.
I hope you do, as well.
Happy Sunday, Y’all.
Holistic Wayfarer made me an offer I couldn’t refuse, so I wrote a guest post a few weeks ago. I’m thrilled to see my memorable story on her blog tonight. Honored and better for the journey…
We were a family before that Autumn arrived, and I possessed an innocence I find myself briefly memorializing. Turning right off the curving highway of the farming community I once called home places me on Hickory Street and the breeze through the window, smelling of Nebraska dirt, welcomes me back. I was 11 that year.
“Too hot to work, Chris,” I declare, getting comfortable on the grassy fringe of my pebbly street.
The afternoon sun, halting the progress of a finished tree house, creates sparkling stones that slide through my fingers and into the pockets of my shorts. Too many treasures to leave behind or live without, as dirt patterns on my hands become spiraling rivers and the first letter of a loved one’s name.
Then an incline, along the north side of Hickory, runs next to my house. Children find respite from the feverish tunnel-building on the hill of…
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All I keep thinking
is I took you home with me,
from here: my world.
Inside me,
there is a rhythm,
a melody and a presence
I recognize.
Weakening into a strength,
inside this cool air,
allowed me
to breathe, to feel
and be myself.
The quietness,
awakening my core
as I heard the sound of love;
pure devotion, nothing more.
I keep this spirit,
this lead, and confidence,
close.
You’re thriving,
more than simply alive
behind my breasts.
You’re beating continuously,
effortlessly wild,
yet, this isn’t enough.
I belong with you, here.
Passed through the screen door,
Recalled the carpeted staircase,
Felt the pull of Maxine,
Grandmother, to me.
Twenty-three years, two months
Since we stood closely,
Right here
Packing odds and ends
To her,
Treasures, to me.
Cabinet I’ll never forget
Cookie dough testing,
“Needs flour, touch it, you’ll see,
Grab the butterscotch chips,
These will be Grandpa’s offerings.”
Sounds made when the drawers
Opened and closed, vintage whisperings,
Now upon my ears,
Fingertips sliding across moments,
Years.
Window gifting the same view,
advice,
Coverings, crisp and clean
Perfect place, for
Snapping green beans,
Twice.
Time to move the sprinklers,
Grab a bucket, strawberries to tend,
Summers without her
Still painful, something I dread.
Change of plans occur
Let’s go the wrong direction
Leading me to you
And then sometimes life happens and we take another direction.
Definitely not the path you or I would’ve chosen, had we been given the option, but life changing paths exist, as well, and we have to figure out how to survive them.
We can choose to accept fate, brave destiny with strength, or we can decide to hide and wish the dreadful path away.
It doesn’t change anything, I’ve realized. In my opinion, hiding and wishing something away never looked good on anyone.
Most importantly, not on me, so here I sit. Staring into destiny. Pay no mind to the tears in my eyes. Chose to be brave with me today, please.
On we go…
let go now
embrace their love
take your flight
pass along side of us
and exhale, peacefully
He’s waiting
(Photo taken by my baby sister, Leah. Y’all see the cross, right? This random photo caught not too long ago is a gift. A comfort during hard times for anyone losing a loved one far too soon.)
News from Houston, while you patiently wait, has arrived, my friends.
1. I am alive.
2. The flood waters, as of this morning, are not near my home. Other parts of Houston are terribly flooded.
3. We haven’t seen flood waters like this in 500 years. Hurricane season begins June 1st. God help us if these past few months are any indication of what is to come.
Invested focus
Afternoon air reminds me
Childhood full of dreams
You, always
Always, laugh
Laugh with me
Me, when I need to feel
Feel what’s constant
Constant, is you
You take care of me
Me, who loves you
You, my sisters
Sisters who laugh identical
With the intent to please them,
her heart focused,
and upon paper.
They sit and wait,
none of them watching,
ill equipped to follow,
even today.
She refuses to point the blame,
content in her own self reflection,
no one innocent.
On reflective nights like tonight,
When my love senses yours,
I’m left bashful and afraid.
Ill equipped through distance,
To help heal any pain.
I realize, my words will never be enough,
And only my touch would do.
Concrete Jungle,
Pursues,
Stifles me,
Leaves an empty feeling,
Radiating within.
Left now,
Wanting nothing else,
Than to be ignored,
However, I chose this,
Life must be explored.
Tired of being strong,
I love you,
Yes, You,
Always, You,
My mind begins to soothe.
Visions of caring hands,
Traveling inside my mind,
Between fantasy and reality,
Pressures of creativity,
An endless extreme.
Emotions full of need,
Yet, honestly, I just,
Can’t breathe,
I want you with me,
You’re my family.
I felt like talking…
I just talked to my Dad via cell phone tonight. Today is his 65th birthday! He’s at home making himself some sweet potatoes, while his blue jeans swish in the washing machine. Yep. Seriously…
He worked today. Trying to stay busy, Dad was between town and the feedlot throughout the day running errands, as his weakened muscles still keep him from doing a lot of the physical work required to raise cattle. His buddy Dale, who retired a few years ago, came out and rode by cattle pens with Dad for old times sake.
They drove to town and had lunch together, which must have been fun. Listening to Dad retell their experience proved that a good time was had by both, I think. A great salad bar and crappy pizza, he recalled. Ha. We like the salad bar, he insisted.
I wish I could give Dale a hug for keeping Dad company today. Two old cowboys content with each other’s silence is all I can ask for really.
Sounds like Dad had a fine birthday. He was chipper on the phone and admitted to answering his Facebook messages, as they came in, which is awesome. I’m thankful for Facebook. It keeps him closer to friends and family.
To be honest, I’m more disappointed in how his day turned out than he is. He should be enjoying our company tonight. His loved ones singing Happy Birthday over a big chocolate cake would have been ideal. We should be watching him blow out 65 candles.
In reality, he deserves kisses from his daughters, a beer from his son and gifts from his grandchildren. And then maybe, after we’d all left, he’d get to have sex, in an effort to finish off the day perfectly. I mean, seems fair, I think.
I’m bummed that his birthday didn’t look like a birthday. However, he seems fine and quite happy. I think he’s just used to every day looking about the same.
I can recall years ago when a birthday meant we got to choose what was for supper, while deciding who in the family got to bake our birthday cake just as we’d pictured it. Tonight, Dad said he wouldn’t have minded my lasagna and a piece of chocolate cake.
It’s my issue when I consider Dad’s day a less than an ideal birthday, I know.
Dad’s 65 today, and next week he receives his last two rounds of chemo. My prayer is that his doctors find him in perfect health, free of Leukemia. I don’t want to talk to him about living with cancer anymore.
I want our conversation to be about how proud I am of his decision to beat cancer. I need to hug him and thank him for fighting the disease with all the strength he had.
I took this photo while Dad was backing his boat into the lake this summer. I should’ve been in the boat already, but I wanted a picture first.
Happy Birthday, Daddy ♡
♡Best Dad in the world
Happy Birthday, Fisherman
Wish our summer back ♡
Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister 