Your Power

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When days drag, here in the office alone and the optimism is low,

There’s this; your quick video of the open road.

My smile begins across the eyes, a sparkle creates a giggle, my mind senses your truth.

I’m not there but I feel the energy you often exude.

A tractor trailer rolls on down the road, spit causes the shine, and your power is felt by everyone as you drive along by.

Yet, Little Deuce Coupe, is the tune you’re singing, tapping your cowboy boot against the pedal: a musical pair unlike any other.

And I grin, because I’m proud of you, who you are, and wish I was riding along, Big Brother.

Surrendered

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an ache within
for progress;
strengthening,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.

a simple decree
less distress; a little more
happily ever after,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.

apricot visions
release me;
wandering free the verdict –
but far from home,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.

Mom

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I can remember when becoming a mom consumed my every thought.
How to convience, plan and encourge a journey leading life in that direction.

Those first few months, I recognized within me a confidence, it was solid, made for it, indeed. Doubt didn’t stand a chance.
I never, not once, saw myself going it alone.

Being mom always included a dad.

Here I am, a mom. Content with how we’ve done. The children are a constant beside me. Never questioning the road. Still not comfortable parenting solo.

I always thought families deserved both.

Even if mom looks like this…

I think you’ll agree there’s an astonishing similarity.

Circa 2012

Sleepless

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A quick update.

I’m here when I want be sleeping like the women I envy, even though I know desire gets me nowhere.

I envy her the quiets breaths her He would listen for, as He watched making sure bad dreams didn’t interrupt the peaceful place He’d prepared.

Suppose she offers him the same sanctuary. I hope so.

Anyway, just wanted y’all to know why I’m in and out of WordPress. My father begins a new treatment for a whole new set of distractions.

I can’t be with him like I want to be, because of the responsibilities I have for my own little family. Dad understands and has my middle and baby sisters with him this month. However, you guys know I am unsettled with the arrangement.

I have moments where I feel like my best isn’t enough.

When I fail at being human and not fighting for what I need.

What does obtaining get us?

Maybe as we are is best.

We understand this as we are space. It seems to work. It isn’t ideal, but our needs are met, if they weren’t we would change.

Or would we?

Fear is a real emotion. It isn’t intended for us, but we let it in. We grasp fear thinking we can somehow live together.

We can’t. Not truly.

Embracing love or accepting fear is the choice we’re given.

Love and fear don’t really work together.

Happy Birthday, Aud

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Spending the morning with my father while he has chemo. Thrilled to share this day with him.

***

Sharing an old post of mine, which came to mind this morning as I wait, yeah it’s about a couple’s anniversary but passes for a nice birthday surprise, as well. Who doesn’t like cake?

https://oldestdaughterredheadedsister.com/2014/04/11/happy-anniversary-sexual-content/

Thank you for the love and prayers. Miss y’all. ♡

He’s Lovely

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I may not wholeheartedly agree with this man’s first two sentences or the last thought on this subject, but the meat in the middle is the woman I continue to see when I look in the mirror. The only woman I’ve ever wanted to be…

I’m sorry I’ve been quiet as of late. There hasn’t been much room in my head for poetry.

I’ve missed y’all so much.

~Aud

Lifetime

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a lifetime
thinking it over
all the joys
the sadness
imprinting generations
building our strength

3/5/3/3/7/5 Shadorma Poetry

***

Nothing like a box Chevy (during a rebuild), booze, old country music and big brother’s barn on a Friday night. Baby, Middle and Red claiming seats as big brother chuckles. None of us would have it any other way. I love when we get together and laugh over ourselves.

Everyone’s version of our story is a little different, but oh we four see it the same… I love’em!

My Anniversary 

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My blogging Anniversary snuck up on me. As soon as I saw this photo in my notifications box this morning, I realized it was April and I’d forgotten.

Four years?

You’ve held me accountable during the hardest four years of my life. Made me feel like a friend, a daughter, a sister and a lover.

Thank you for accepting me as I am, encouraging me to return to the poetry I love to write, and expecting me to share it because you know how desperately I need to…

You’ve given me my voice. Continue reading →

Without A Doubt

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How can you know?
I hear myself ask me
A whisper speaking without sound
How is it possible?
You mean to love the unknown?
Yes.
I don’t know, but I believe one can.
How?
Because I already do.

***

And in knowing so, today becomes my best birthday yet.

I love you.

Love yourself, love where you’re at today, who you are this moment, and be damn thrilled to know you can love unconditionally, with your whole heart even when tomorrow doesn’t yet make sense.

Smile today 🤓