Lionhearted

to be the accessory
his light in the world,
steadfast in protecting.
up against her Guardian,
the nature of his being,
requires nourishment,
his existence remains, wee devotee, lionhearted.
***
What I Would Have Shown You

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Mom

I can remember when becoming a mom consumed my every thought.
How to convience, plan and encourge a journey leading life in that direction.

Those first few months, I recognized within me a confidence, it was solid, made for it, indeed. Doubt didn’t stand a chance.
I never, not once, saw myself going it alone.

Being mom always included a dad.

Here I am, a mom. Content with how we’ve done. The children are a constant beside me. Never questioning the road. Still not comfortable parenting solo.

I always thought families deserved both.

Even if mom looks like this…

I think you’ll agree there’s an astonishing similarity.

Circa 2012

Sleepless

A quick update.

I’m here when I want be sleeping like the women I envy, even though I know desire gets me nowhere.

I envy her the quiets breaths her He would listen for, as He watched making sure bad dreams didn’t interrupt the peaceful place He’d prepared.

Suppose she offers him the same sanctuary. I hope so.

Anyway, just wanted y’all to know why I’m in and out of WordPress. My father begins a new treatment for a whole new set of distractions.

I can’t be with him like I want to be, because of the responsibilities I have for my own little family. Dad understands and has my middle and baby sisters with him this month. However, you guys know I am unsettled with the arrangement.

I have moments where I feel like my best isn’t enough.

When I fail at being human and not fighting for what I need.

What does obtaining get us?

Maybe as we are is best.

We understand this as we are space. It seems to work. It isn’t ideal, but our needs are met, if they weren’t we would change.

Or would we?

Fear is a real emotion. It isn’t intended for us, but we let it in. We grasp fear thinking we can somehow live together.

We can’t. Not truly.

Embracing love or accepting fear is the choice we’re given.

Love and fear don’t really work together.

Happy Birthday, Aud

Spending the morning with my father while he has chemo. Thrilled to share this day with him.

***

Sharing an old post of mine, which came to mind this morning as I wait, yeah it’s about a couple’s anniversary but passes for a nice birthday surprise, as well. Who doesn’t like cake?

https://oldestdaughterredheadedsister.com/2014/04/11/happy-anniversary-sexual-content/

Thank you for the love and prayers. Miss y’all. ♡

He’s Lovely

I may not wholeheartedly agree with this man’s first two sentences or the last thought on this subject, but the meat in the middle is the woman I continue to see when I look in the mirror. The only woman I’ve ever wanted to be…

I’m sorry I’ve been quiet as of late. There hasn’t been much room in my head for poetry.

I’ve missed y’all so much.

~Aud

Lifetime

a lifetime
thinking it over
all the joys
the sadness
imprinting generations
building our strength

3/5/3/3/7/5 Shadorma Poetry

***

Nothing like a box Chevy (during a rebuild), booze, old country music and big brother’s barn on a Friday night. Baby, Middle and Red claiming seats as big brother chuckles. None of us would have it any other way. I love when we get together and laugh over ourselves.

Everyone’s version of our story is a little different, but oh we four see it the same… I love’em!

My Anniversary 

My blogging Anniversary snuck up on me. As soon as I saw this photo in my notifications box this morning, I realized it was April and I’d forgotten.

Four years?

You’ve held me accountable during the hardest four years of my life. Made me feel like a friend, a daughter, a sister and a lover.

Thank you for accepting me as I am, encouraging me to return to the poetry I love to write, and expecting me to share it because you know how desperately I need to…

You’ve given me my voice. Continue reading

Without A Doubt

How can you know?
I hear myself ask me
A whisper speaking without sound
How is it possible?
You mean to love the unknown?
Yes.
I don’t know, but I believe one can.
How?
Because I already do.

***

And in knowing so, today becomes my best birthday yet.

I love you.

Love yourself, love where you’re at today, who you are this moment, and be damn thrilled to know you can love unconditionally, with your whole heart even when tomorrow doesn’t yet make sense.

Smile today 🤓

A Life Obtainable 

A window into ever after,
Witnessing from afar, a life
Where forests grow,
Oceans lap endlessly
And desires are still
Encouraged, sought after
And dreamed.
A place where faith,
Comes first, as our
Initial breath, while
prairie grass bows
Towards wind, steadfast.
Homes are full of heat,
Not just from bread baking,
But from love honest
and complete. Endless
Work, and time to pause
Deemed important,
Yet over time, has been lost.

Good Morning

 

Been fussing with my tree for a few days. Tryin’ to create festive feelings by decorating. Each morning brings colder weather and along with it the sniffles and coughs.

The children have been giving 100% in all their activities and with school. My responsibilities are being tended to, as well. The Christmas season is upon us. A lot to be thankful for this year. Today, we’re going to take in the wonder of our many blessings.

I hope you do, as well.

Happy Sunday, Y’all.

Here

image

All I keep thinking
is I took you home with me,
from here: my world.
Inside me,
there is a rhythm,
a melody and a presence
I recognize.
Weakening into a strength,
inside this cool air,
allowed me
to breathe, to feel
and be myself.
The quietness,
awakening my core
as I heard the sound of love;
pure devotion, nothing more.
I keep this spirit,
this lead, and confidence,
close.
You’re thriving,
more than simply alive
behind my breasts.
You’re beating continuously,
effortlessly wild,
yet, this isn’t enough.
I belong with you, here.

Vintage Memories

image

Passed through the screen door,
Recalled the carpeted staircase,
Felt the pull of Maxine,
Grandmother, to me.
Twenty-three years, two months
Since we stood closely,
Right here
Packing odds and ends
To her,
Treasures, to me.
Cabinet I’ll never forget
Cookie dough testing,
“Needs flour, touch it, you’ll see,
Grab the butterscotch chips,
These will be Grandpa’s offerings.”
Sounds made when the drawers
Opened and closed, vintage whisperings,
Now upon my ears,
Fingertips sliding across moments,
Years.
Window gifting the same view,
advice,
Coverings, crisp and clean
Perfect place, for
Snapping green beans,
Twice.
Time to move the sprinklers,
Grab a bucket, strawberries to tend,
Summers without her
Still painful, something I dread.

Choices (Haibun)

image

Change of plans occur
Let’s go the wrong direction
Leading me to you

And then sometimes life happens and we take another direction.

Definitely not the path you or I would’ve chosen, had we been given the option, but life changing paths exist, as well, and we have to figure out how to survive them.

We can choose to accept fate, brave destiny with strength, or we can decide to hide and wish the dreadful path away.

It doesn’t change anything, I’ve realized. In my opinion, hiding and wishing something away never looked good on anyone.

Most importantly, not on me, so here I sit. Staring into destiny. Pay no mind to the tears in my eyes. Chose to be brave with me today, please.

On we go…