Passion

The author wrote as if she had met the one I crave, finding him perfectly secure, genuine and honest before her.

She noticed the same details as I, and it shatters me to realize someone sees in him what I do and she may have the chance at a forever.

Which means I’m expendable, just one in hundreds of options.

Ha! Not that I ever stood a chance, I knew the minute we met he’d never settle for less than perfection.

He wouldn’t need to, because he was capable on his own and I added nothing he craved.

Our Story Is Over

Not a simple fix is it?
Lost somewhere between,
I’ll figure this out,
And just let it be.

Frustration
Manipulation
Disgust

This and it, being you,
Or us, and what didn’t work,
Even after trying.

Lies
Making up
Continually

Long gone are the days,
Of make believe,
Playing house,
And happily ever after.

Adulthood
Responsibilities
Teamwork

Following behind answers,
I couldn’t seem to catch,
But knew wouldn’t solve us anyway.

Relief
Understanding
Forgiveness

Today became the end,
Our story is over
And I’m free to begin again.

Darkness

January 21, 2021

The tick, is it inside my head or just over there on the wall

Both

The cold upon my hands is it still there or has it traveled to my heart

Both

The quiver on my lips is it caused by the world or by him

Both

Does art matter beyond the eye or will it stay forever in our minds

Both

When we are deemed useless is it easy to overcome or can it stay with us forever

Both

Scared I’m close to only one side existing. Weakness is impatient with me. Strength barely recognized.

Yet

I still see beauty. It’s in flowers, rocks, trees, clouds, water, prairie, mountains, oceans and sand.

And

I’ve witnessed love.

A You

If I closed my eyes and saw simple perfection,
there would be a you.

Words sought by princess’, over hills around mountains, were written
and shared by you.

Dreams play out in forms of melodies I’ve never heard,
but belong to you.

Pools of tears welling up
and lying fearless in my eyelids
await you.

Happily ever after didn’t exist
in plain surroundings,
until the belief of you. 

Now I seek every moment,
listening humbly,
for a you.

Admitting My Failure (Haibun)

Today would have been my 19th wedding anniversary. Next month marks a year since the divorce was final.

All that keeps running through my mind is how big the lawyer’s office was, as I sat alone on one side of the conference table, while he and his lawyer sat on the other. I stared out the windows and silently begged to be told to jump. I was alone in there and naive enough to believe I wasn’t on my own. Still wanting to trust.

Why wouldn’t I reflect on our wedding day? I guess it’s because I don’t want to admit the truth to myself. I knew then he wasn’t built to handle me, but I expected him to be, so it wasn’t his fault he failed.

Always tough enough

Never really prepared

Protection required

***

Poetic Format Haibun