His pleasure to cherish
That’s what he said
Before placing her
Between his heart
And his head
With the alpine topography of Jasper Lake Trail laid out in front of them, and as their long legs created a sort of perimeter around the corners of the map, their hands sought the course Amelia intended. Jake’s experienced fingers traced the highlighted trails she’d researched, or so he assumed.
Not realizing she’d confirmed the route, made her decision and promptly secured her flight to Colorado, Jake prepared himself for a fight.
He wasn’t even supposed to be here, yet he continued to find Amelia, which left her susceptible to his knowledge and his care. Believing he often used his expertise well enough to dissuade her, often times rash decisions.
“Amelia, you’ll have to be part mountain goat to make that climb. Jasper still has snow in June, you know, and it’s March. Imagine what you’ll come across. You’ve got to be rational,” Jake insisted, as he raised his head and settled his eyes on hers, “I won’t let you go alone.”
“You aren’t invited, and you know I’ll be fine. I’m always prepared,” she insisted unable to meet his eyes in return, “and the forecast continues to be clear. Winter has produced nothing to be of serious concern over. You’ll just have to trust me.”
Amelia’s eyes turned back to the map, as her fingers strummed over the top of a mountainous range to the left of her intended trail.
“God, you could light up this room with the sparkle in your eyes. Look at me! Why must you insist on doing everything in your power to disarm my desire to rationalize with you? Just recognize how dangerous this idea of yours is, please,” his voice raising to catch her attention.
“See here? I could easily break for the day just over this pass,” Amelia notes, as her toes tap his in a rhythm of excitement, “I’ve never approached from the east before, but if I do, I’ll have completed my survey and possess enough experience when I’m done to write what I believe to be true.
The research I need for my notes will be complete, but more so the emotional closure, we’re both aware that I long for, will have been met by summer’s end.”
The silence, after her explanation, lived inside the room like a vacant breath needing to find its purpose. Jake kept quiet, as he continued to read the notes she left on the sides of the map she’d obviously looked at with extensive knowledge and complete earnest. Her handwriting that of a lady, and not of the adventurer she repeatedly proved to be, offered an idea. He’d have to strengthen his approach.
Out of the corner of his eye, he watched her pull her worn out sweatshirt over her head, his stomach knotting as her ponytail swayed to a still once again, after she reached over his leg for pencil. “You’re a frayed mess of a woman, with a devotion to a college alma mater that left you with more questions than answers, you know,” he mumbled to himself.
“You promised me, I understand this area better than you think.” Amelia encouraged, while noticing the twitch in his scowl.
Left now to avoid the breasts she opted to allow to hang free, yet continued to cover by a light tank top, he focused on the star Amelia had circled, quite darkly and well off the selected trail, “What’s this?”
The humidity of the south was more than Jake could handle. No one would choose to live here, as the night proved to suffocate more than the daylight with its thick air. The both of them glowing in their own sweat, as they sat in the middle of Amelia’s outdoor space.
The light buzz of the fan she had circling the air was propped up in the corner of the secluded porch. The anticipation of the cooling blow wasn’t something Jake could concentrate on or he’d think of nothing else. Seems it always took him a few days to get used to the beast that was southern Texas.
When Amelia went off the grid the first time, Jake pried into her whereabouts by going to her sisters for guidance. It was obvious they knew where she was, but neither of them understood Amelia’s mind to the degree he presumed they would. He couldn’t understand how Amelia could keep them oblivious to the person she truly was. Amelia should have died years ago, he’d told her sisters, as he hugged them both goodbye, before driving off after an afternoon of explanation over dinner.
Jake didn’t blame Amelia’s sisters for calling her and offering her a head start, if she’d wanted to run from him again. He waited, as her phone rang, for Amelia’s voicemail to pick up, but to his amazement she answered.
“I’m okay,” were the only two tell telling words she uttered before he crumbled a line of contempt at her.
“You aren’t allowed to run out on me! I love you, and this isn’t how you treat someone you love, Amelia, as much as you deny your feelings, I know you love me. You hold on to love, Girl, you don’t push it away, time and time again, without some sort of bruising. You’ve got to talk to someone and there is no one but me, don’t you get it?” Jake shook with fear, even if he disguised it with anger, and wondered if he could get to her that night.
He sank into the leather seat of his pickup and pulled his ball cap down around his hazel eyes, “Talk to me, damn it,” his voice deduced to a whisper, as his body relaxed once again to the image of her somewhere safe.
“I do love you, Jake, even when I didn’t know you, I loved you,” she agreed through a breathless nod, even he, miles away, recognized as authentic.
Amelia had always felt Jake’s presence in her life, she had no way of explaining how or why to anyone, well not yet, anyway. On one hand, who would comprehend such a notion, but more importantly how would she conjure up the vocabulary to express what she believed in wholeheartedly.
Amelia sank into her couch, as she sat holding the phone, while talking to the man she needed more than anyone else in the world. Knowing she would have to invest in a complicated journey to one day allow him to love her back.
“What’s what?” Amelia asked, turning her head back towards the map.
“This star, Babe.”
“Oh, just an idea I’m still trying to work the details out on.”
“Why don’t you let me in on what it is you’re planning? I have a feeling I won’t approve.”
“Nah, it truly isn’t on my radar.”
“Bullshit. You wouldn’t have run a rut around it, if it wasn’t constantly on your mind. I know how you think, Amelia. Spill it.”
“Settle down, Cowboy, I haven’t thought about the area since I highlighted the trail. I’ve decided it probably won’t provide any new advice,” she laughed, while patting his right leg. “How’s your scar, by the way?”
“Fine, thanks. Healed just as the doctor said it would, but you know that already. Dr. Tom told me you called the clinic and inquired.”
“Only you would go to a veterinarian for stitches, Jake.”
“Only you would try riding an animal we both know wasn’t ready for you. You’re lucky I was able to get you off safely before Tess bucked me off.”
“Ha, yeah, she may never approve of me, huh? You knew better than to take your hands off the reins, tis your fault in the end.”
“My fault? I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if you had landed on those sheared rocks. I was lucky to rid you off my left side and onto the grass before I was thrown off. Anyway, she’s back and my leg is fine. And I’ve not forgotten my question, Lady Luck. What’s the 411 on your destination mark here?”
“Devil’s Thumb Pass, Boone. Initially, I thought I needed to discover what was hidden there, you know. Sit, meditate and listen to the winds. I’ve always considered this place held importance for me, but I can’t quite put my finger on why, so I’ve decided maybe it’s a diverted attempt by me to outrun destiny.”
“Seems likely, I suppose.” Jake made note of the landmark and decided to investigate later on his own. “Do you have any beer? I’m gonna die sitting here, ya know.”
Amelia laughed out loud, “Yes, you big baby, I’ll be right back,” as she slowly stood up and walked inside.
“The way you just got up tells me that you’re in no condition to hike that far,” Jake yelled after her, as his hand fanned her butt, which he was just late in spanking, as she walked past him. Neither one of them were inactive, but young looked further and further away to him, especially tonight as the stifled heat sucked the life from his body.
“Please! I’m fine, that floor, however, is not. Sitting on concrete is miserable,” she called from the kitchen, which offered an open window to the porch, “If you want we can move inside.”
“Forget it. This concrete is the only thing keeping me cool, I think. Your furniture will only absorb my heat. Talk about a cesspool of south that would be, huh?”
“I’d forgotten how much of a baby you were, Handsome,” Amelia giggled, while sitting down beside him, as she handed over a bottle of Dos Equis.
Effortless, seemed to be the only way to describe their connection. He’d fought it at first, quite rightly, but in the end she was just what he needed. She made him work for every authentic moment they shared, and as the months continued he saw more of the real Amelia. Arguably less of the woman who preferred to stay hidden.
She, like a skittish colt, hadn’t made it easy on him, but maybe that’s why he stuck around in the beginning. He knew it was, actually. He loved a good fight of wills and wasn’t accustomed to coming out on the losing end, so when she fought his advances he knew she was worth his time.
Now, a few short months later, he wouldn’t leave, even if she demanded it of him. A memorable year later and he was sunk. She was all that mattered to him, she and this frustrating challenge she’d put upon herself now, yet birthed years ago. Still today, he wondered about the ghosts she chased, and if they would eventually take her from him.
The night air was think with heat, but the breeze did make it bearable, as they drank and sat in comfortable silence. Every once and awhile, Jake would watch her eyes shift to the map and he’d grin as he witnessed the sparkle in her eyes. She loved that old trail, and she promised one day she’d take him along, but until she figured out all her demons, there was no use in his trailing along after Amelia. He’d only be pushed further away, he supposed, but tracking her, now that, he could do, and would, if it meant keeping her safe.
Amelia sighed, while chugging the last of her beer, “That was good.”
“I can’t help it if you prefer to stare at me rather than drink your beer, something seemingly here to keep you alive, Boone.”
Jake tipped his head back and finished his beer, as well. Letting out a silent belch, “Sugar, nothing I like better than looking at you,” he admitted, as he tossed his bottle over the wall of the porch, just hitting the garbage bin sitting on the other side.
“What?! How’d you do that,” she exclaimed in a fit of laughter, “You’re disgusting,” she chuckled, as she fanned the air.
Jake’s eyes lit up, as he smirked at her, knowing full well she loved everything about him, even if she was horrible about telling him.
“God, you’re such a show off,” she replied, as she swatted him on the back.
Allowing her hand to stay there, Amelia ran her fingers over the ribbed tank Jake had worn under the lightweight red bush shirt he’d striped from hours ago.
She loved the texture of the material and how it felt beneath her fingers, but he knew it, and often times found himself wearing one of those dumb shirts, in an effort to be ready, if she needed him and the feel of that shirt.
“I do what I do, you know,” Jake smirked, as he directed Amelia’s chin up towards him, so he could look into her flirty eyes. “I’m not letting you off that easily. We’ll talk about the importance of that star on your map later. Currently, I have something else on my mind.”
“You’re just going to have to trust me, Boone,” Amelia murmured, as she accepted Jake’s lips on top of hers.
“I do, Baby,” he spoke onto her lips, while claiming her mouth with his and clenching her jaw with his warm hand.
In an effort to erase the time between them for far too long, Jake’s tongue searched Amelia’s mouth for answers, as his right hand found relief in her hair. He knew she was physically okay, and was relieved, but emotionally, he still hadn’t decided if she was stable.
She leaned into his hand, while she kissed him back, allowing her tongue to explore the need his steady pace set, in an effort to calm his mind over an event she’d decided he hadn’t the strength to hear, yet.
Jake devoured each move her tongue made inside his mouth, as his hands held her head in place. His eyes searched hers harshly at first, as if trying to force her to express herself fully, and in an effort to convince her to trust him with everything, as well. Knowing this wasn’t the first time he’d needed her to do so, and succumbing the fact that it also wouldn’t be the last.
He shivered as Amelia’s hands ran over his back, nails creating a sensation, he’d missed between his legs, “I need you,” he sighed, as she crawled over his lap, an effort made to straddle his hips.
“I’m right here.” Amelia placed her warm hands on either side of Jake’s face, as their eyes finally locked. “Make love to me, Jake, and forget about the map.”
Jake’s hands found the ends of Amelia’s tank top, “I envy this top as it glides over your hard nipples,” he murmured, gently pulled it over her long red hair and throwing it aside.
Her fair and freckled breasts finally exposed to the darkness that surrounded them, as the glow of the yellow light on the porch simply advanced the beauty of her body and left him without words. It was then that his primal desires took over, as his eyes claimed hers, and his hand pulled at her ponytail.
Happy Valentine’s Day – A hint of the story I’m pushing to finish this spring. Without revealing a lot of what this story includes, please enjoy a bit of why sometimes my poems seem depressing, sexy and a bit too wistful. The second half, if the story seems worthy of your time, can be shared later, via a private post as the content may not be of interest to all my readers. (Yes, they have sex.)
So, appearing simple,
And fated months before,
I, fearless cragswoman,
Listened to my inner voice.
Knowing when I entered,
I’d consider life’s possibilities,
Determine my future goals,
Pass through time’s memories.
Not realizing I’d feel your essence,
Beneath a canopy of discovery,
I’ve held back, cowardly,
Yet to fully disclose, findings.
Now, if I don’t take you inside,
I fear, I’ll lose you,
To the calls of regret,
Maybe, to fear.
While walking down a trail one early morning in Nebraska, I stumbled upon this mushroom.
I was shocked at first, I won’t lie. Interesting, right? Look at him, y’all! I began giggling like a 13 year old girl. I confess, Mother Nature had me going x-rated during an early Saturday morning hike around the lake.
When I first arrived in Nebraska, back in June, vacation planning for the second week of July started out a bit rough. We laughed until tears fell, as we joked about the expectations of our Colorado adventure. Three sisters and their big brother trying to plan a childhood throwback tour, but failing miserably every time we tried to cross off an item from our to do list.
We all had ideas, moments we wanted to recapture and places we wanted to reside near, while touring our childhood summer vacation spots.
One would think that by our age we could act like adults. Weigh the pros and cons of each idea and simply devise a plan. However, during early discussions, it occurred to me that we easily revert back to acting like adolescent siblings.
Middle backs up Baby most of the time, because she’s used to it. When paired off for summer visits with distant family she was with Baby a lot of the time, so they have a bond that was created years ago and we wouldn’t think of with it. Honestly, we all back up Baby, for obvious reasons. She’s the youngest and everyone’s favorite, so she usually gets her way. (She may or may not be the favorite, but none of us are willing to fess up or challenge her willingly.)
Me, Oldest, backs up Big Brother, because we share an oldest responsibility and have a feisty redheadedness that seems to work better in pairs. He shoots his thoughts straight from the hip, most cowboys do, and I wrangle him fairly well when the others think he’s being too stubborn. (Y’all know how redheads can be, right? Smile and wave…)
Baby backs up Middle, mostly because Middle is a control freak, which we all respect her for, but Baby can tolerate with more patience than anyone else. (We all may be control freaks, but Middle has been dubbed with the tag, so we go with it, okay?) Middle gets the job done with or without a pleasent smile. She’s the one we send in to battle. We even point our fingers as we stand behind her.
This must leave you wondering who backs up the Oldest Sister. Probably leaves you doing some math in your head, too. Well stop, it won’t work out mathematically, we’ve all tried. Fine. Okay, the answer is Big Brother. Mostly, because we’re similar in a lot ways, but also because we were often paired up when shipped to the grandparent’s for a visit. One learns to lean on the consistency of normal.
Truthfully, the four of us back each other up all day long. We call each other out on our ridiculousness and awesomeness, as well.
I’m really more of a prop during discussions, and have the role of keeping everyone happy or laughing, so the upside to this is that all three want to try and please me. (Not really, but it feels really good to write that down.)
You know, moving away from home and only seeing them twice a year has its advantages. I’m funnier than normal, much more rational and go down in history as an amazing people pleaser. (Yes, I could be exaggerating, but I’m writing this, so I get to be whomever I want.)
Sadly, after two and a half days we still didn’t have our Colorado Throwback Tour completely planned, but we were having fun trying. Here’s how one moment went as we were deciding on where we’d stay while on vacation. I feel the need to share this, as it was hysterical at the time. Enjoy!
I should set this story up for you, a bit. We had spent the better part of a day researching online and calling places looking for the regulars, you know, availability, accommodations and location. We were striking out more than not, and it was beginning to seem entirely too funny.
At one point we called a lodge near Nederland, CO, which had enough rooms to accommodate our group. Middle was doing the talking, I was lying on the couch with Baby on my speaker phone and Big Brother was quietly sitting.
I could tell that the conversation between Middle and the person on the phone wasn’t going as we’d hoped. It was the tone in her voice, the random stare at her fingernails, and the complete boredom coming from her eyes. I knew we were in trouble when Middle’s nose curled up.
“Oh really?” She said. “Well, I guess we could do that, Sir. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to talk that over with the group first, however. ”
Her attitude had caught my attention a little bit before that and I whispered to Baby, “This isn’t the resort either…”
Middle kept talking and the conversation between the two of them continued to sound less than favorable. That’s when I cracked emotionally. Being the nut that I am, I lost it and began giggling. Planning a trip had gotten into my head and out of exhaustion I retaliated.
“Tell him we refuse to feed the homeless man that’s living under the porch,” I snickered quietly.
Baby laughs, “Yeah, no kidding!”
“Geez, just hang up,” I encouraged.
Baby started laughing, “Yeah, we don’t cook.” (We do…)
Middle, who was trying to keep her composure, smothered a giggle and I saw her do it. Folks? This is where the laughter blew up around us.
Middle began snapping her fingers, pointing at me and mouthing, “Stop it!”, over and over again, which has proven in moments past only to make things worse. She tries to be so intimidating and sometimes it works on us.
I make eye contact with Middle for the first time, since I started laughing, and she’s grinning, but still trying to hold down a conversation. This wasn’t the place for our family. She was just prolonging the inevitable, while quietly giggling. More like stifling a laugh, which then opens up the flood gates as I roar with laughter. Baby following suit. Big Brother is snickering and laughing, as he does, by stopping his natural breathing and becoming red in the face, as he falls over on to the floor.
Middle, in a fit of mumbled laughter says, “I’m sorry. I’ll have to call you back.” She hangs up the phone and exclaims, “That’s it! I’m done! Someone else is calling from now on!”
The four of us continue laughing into the night. Yes, another unsuccessful day of planning for us was achieved.
Afterwards, I silently sat there daydreaming about this homeless man I’d creatively dreamt up. My story was that we would have been asked if we were willing to feed the homeless man living nearby, twice a day. Maybe he happened to be writing the next best american survival novel under random porches, one of which could have been ours, if he liked us. Only half of our group would’ve been on board with this idea, I think. I can’t imagine why.
He seems mysterious already and not one of us could have denied that the humorous jokes would’ve gone on for days. Keeping everyone upbeat and happy throught our vacation. The upside also being we could be part of history, if he would have become famous. Plus, he would have probably been well understood and accepted at the resort or been hauled off before we arrived. Wouldn’t you think?
Personally, I found my daydreaming extremely inspirational and began writing questions in order to have interviewed him properly. I’d have called him Hank, I think.
Bummer we didn’t go for a stay with Hank, don’t you think?
We leave in just a few short hours in this 12 passenger van we’ve nicknamed White Lightening.
We’ve had our t-shirts made for the 2014 Colorado Throwback Tour. Don’t forget the matching survival bracelets we made with love. Cool, right? This was Mom’s idea. She the often quiet and steady voice of reason.
The back of our t-shirts took a little thought and we decided to go with what made sense. After all the preparation, in order for us to travel back to Colorado, we thought it was only appropriate to express our desire properly.
One of our main goals was to have our family hike to the Meadow. A mountain destination that our family has been hiking to for generations. The spot our grandparents had taken us every year for as far back as I can remember. We’d stay in this cabin and hike nearly every day of our vacation. The four of us kids love this place.
The trail, not far from the family cabin, holds hundreds of memories and in every way has bonded us for life. The Meadow is beautiful and I plan on sharing photos of her soon. We found it fitting that we put this on the back of our shirts.
Wish us luck!