Submersion

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it’s how you sound
in your constant
here I am,
I’m not leaving
lap of consistency,
that turns me into
a believer.
even the glisten within
total darkness proves
you are you,
as swirls reach out
to touch me,
to quench.
I won’t miss the doubt,
fear
or the hiding.
complete submersion
into you,
heals.

Leaning Into Real

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maybe writing this out will help me compartmentalize my thoughts
there are so many distractions as of late

The new year came in with swords drawn and a battle ensued
one I’m currently within

I’ve been rude to those around me when it was never my intention

maybe inside a daydream isn’t where I should reside, only making life worse

tangible moments, proof they exist, is where my heart currently lives

Faith begins and ends my day, serving makes sense inside my head
an inability to understand is fine, just accept me for who I am

all praise honor and glory be, yes to the Father,
and then it’s he.

He who is out there, slowly keeping pace
would begin and end my moments, but that’s only what I need.

no desire left to chase, fearful of ending back in a place where questioning motive and truth controls my each and every day.

does peace exist? are relationships worth creating…

me who’s father was gone too much, a mother who left all together
how do I believe this isn’t the pattern,
it’s happened, one after the other.

leaning into the belief, if love is meant to be

easing into a life alone, tending to sheep and children who are all too soon grown, where will I go?

Listening for the answers I know my God has planned, I pray I don’t mess this up
looking down at my empty hands.

knowing each and every piece given to me for care,
is one I’m made for and a joy to prepare.

Onward

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gripping flocculent monochrome thoughts
like grass tuffs in summer
now willing their release,
i know not what will become of me.

coolness of springtime
wearing off inside my palms,
as deep down the warmth of earth corrects right side,
my defeated revered thumbs.

dark corners of the woodlands
beckon hither
my soul hinged upon true light,
sprites leading in delicate whisper
don’t go for fear of what might…

chase winter with abandon,
fragile heart,
much yet to be loved
like melodic hums chasing snowflakes on tips of tongues.

so come old man winter
blazing frosted cool crisp air,
however I am treasured,
stripped tree my protector,
expose of me what you dare.

Alone Inside My Head

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I drove again
desolate, except for
Thedford,
lost alone inside my head.
wandered in the Sandhills
life: simpler; traditional.
not one wolf
maybe he lived beyond
the first crest of
rolling hills,
as smooth as curvy skin
from here, I think,
alone inside my head.
I like the shape of my breasts
as I look down due to insecurities
more than anything,
the way my favorite, blackest bra
holds them…
what I thought about while driving
alone inside my head.
yesterday, bent over my kitchen sink
crying and
wondering how I make life work,
I saw my long legs tucked into
my soft blue jeans
and thought
I adore my fuzzy slippers with these,
just me alone inside my head.
my reflection in the bathroom today,
concentrating on red curls,
specifically the one who chooses
to hang lower, looser than the rest,
she defies me,
I cheer for her
alone inside my head.

Satire 

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when springtime disappoints
and autumn refuses to speak,
paint a word picture; create poetry.
write of summertimes lost,
oh, how does it go:
lemons and lemonade…something.
or maybe,
winter’s production of an early snow:
verdant and virgin frost,
yes, two Vs – funny.
take me to where optimists dream
and abandon me there, leave me be.

Precision

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The way you approach
In full confidence
Steady control
Centers me

An ability to sense
Where I’m at emotionally
By simply patrolling
Around me

Knowing you’re near
A presence about you
I cling to automatically
With nothing to fear

As if exploration of my mind
Is what you desire
What sets me apart
And yours to admire

The mastery used
Absolutely nothing to prove
Leaves me yearning
Spinning, as I watch

Fantastic ability surrounds
Every thought, every sound
My body reacts
Easily

Your offer, often powerful
Soothes my soul
Leaves me adored
Until next time

Carefree

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Tuttle Creek, spring semester
Convinced and finally alone,
The promise of happily ever after
With the help of a seductive cove.

Clothes drapped over fringe
Growth no higher than our knees
As summer promised a convenient hinge
And tree buds blossomed into leaves.

Warm air cradled doubt
While we dipped and slid with haste
A runner’s legs supported me
Mine, wrapped around his waist.

Water clutching nature
Connecting, skin to skin
Laughter echoed pleasure
I want to feel that way again.