Apologies

I hate myself
a little bit
more
when I apologize
for who
I am

***A little background for a poem I’m sure will leave you wondering.

I’ve noticed recently, in my life and when surrounded by those who love me the most, I stifle who I am. Whether it being an out right apology for my opinion, when it doesn’t match theirs, to noticing my silence as the vehicle for my apology or shame.

The climate I’m currently in requires a boldness and strength my heart doesn’t currently feel. I’m aware of my need for a hand to hold. A lead.

There’s nothing wrong with this need. I’m built differently. I never wanted to be Superwoman, even though that’s how I’ve always been seen and viewed capable of…

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35 thoughts on “Apologies

  1. You know, Miss A., we all spend more time hiding behind a certain persona than is good for our psyche! ‘Tis especially crucial we surround ourselves with folks who understand and treasure us for who we are, rather than who they want us to be. Lucky you, in having a Safe Zone blog, where you don’t have to put up with shame or senseless judging. Now, buck up, ma’am, and know you’re valued!

  2. It’s easy for others to tell you to simply believe in yourself. I can say from my own experience though and even at my age now, Audrey, that everyone experiences this struggle at some phase in their life. It takes a truck-load of strength to dig deeply within yourself and shed that mentality, and then, transport it into self love. We just met, but it’s never too soon or too late to send hugs. Be You, the strong, beautiful, young woman that you are…❤

  3. Write from the heart unabridged, get it out of your soul, bare your knuckles, and say what you really think and feel, and the tree and it’s bark will keep growing.

  4. The nice thing about poetry is that we can bare our souls, or veil them – both are acceptable here and we need never apologize for being ourselves. You ARE strong, even though you might not feel like it right now. And you have all of us to give back and be supportive of you. Thanks for being You, Audrey…and for sharing with us. Sending a hug! 💞

  5. My heart aches for you, Audrey. You see yourself as the torn edges of the tree bark. It’s so hard to walk that political line we all have to tread when at work. But here on your blog, you get to be yourself.

    I don’t post everything I write – some things are too personal. What I do post doesn’t completely reveal me. To write as you do, exposing the depths of your soul, takes the courage you think you don’t have – but you do.

    I hope this sorrowful feeling passes quickly. You are truly amazing, and you have to believe this.

  6. We all get into the position at one time or another of wanting others to recognize what we are rather than accepting what we seem to be. Eventually, we become at peace and realize that as long as we know ourselves it really doesn’t matter.

  7. It feels especially bad/wrong, when you know in your heart that yours is the better position.

    I often have to do some stifling at work or in professional environments where my thoughts seem to clash – more often lately. I tell myself, this too shall pass, but sometimes it’s hard not to speak. Sometimes it’s impossible and I am quickly reminded of why I should stifle.

    I hope you view this as one of the places where you are free to be you.

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