To Worship Him

imagine with me, if you will
red dirt dusted
upon his boots,
the chair otherworldly
a product of sturdy,
lean legs crossed
relaxed.
smokey eyes intent on
the crown of the moon
and sun before him
a sigh,
twilight.
aware of every shift, made upon his domain,
cheekbones defined
as he contemplates
his tomorrow.
I see him,
and all I need is to
worship him.

Carefree

Tuttle Creek, spring semester
Convinced and finally alone,
The promise of happily ever after
With the help of a seductive cove.

Clothes drapped over fringe
Growth no higher than our knees
As summer promised a convenient hinge
And tree buds blossomed into leaves.

Warm air cradled doubt
While we dipped and slid with haste
A runner’s legs supported me
Mine, wrapped around his waist.

Water clutching nature
Connecting, skin to skin
Laughter echoed pleasure
I want to feel that way again.

Admitting My Failure (Haibun)

Today would have been my 19th wedding anniversary. Next month marks a year since the divorce was final.

All that keeps running through my mind is how big the lawyer’s office was, as I sat alone on one side of the conference table, while he and his lawyer sat on the other. I stared out the windows and silently begged to be told to jump. I was alone in there and naive enough to believe I wasn’t on my own. Still wanting to trust.

Why wouldn’t I reflect on our wedding day? I guess it’s because I don’t want to admit the truth to myself. I knew then he wasn’t built to handle me, but I expected him to be, so it wasn’t his fault he failed.

Always tough enough

Never really prepared

Protection required

***

Poetic Format Haibun

 

 

Vintage Memories

image

Passed through the screen door,
Recalled the carpeted staircase,
Felt the pull of Maxine,
Grandmother, to me.
Twenty-three years, two months
Since we stood closely,
Right here
Packing odds and ends
To her,
Treasures, to me.
Cabinet I’ll never forget
Cookie dough testing,
“Needs flour, touch it, you’ll see,
Grab the butterscotch chips,
These will be Grandpa’s offerings.”
Sounds made when the drawers
Opened and closed, vintage whisperings,
Now upon my ears,
Fingertips sliding across moments,
Years.
Window gifting the same view,
advice,
Coverings, crisp and clean
Perfect place, for
Snapping green beans,
Twice.
Time to move the sprinklers,
Grab a bucket, strawberries to tend,
Summers without her
Still painful, something I dread.

My Discovery

image

So, appearing simple,
And fated months before,
I, fearless cragswoman,
Listened to my inner voice.
Knowing when I entered,
Hessie’s Trailhead,
I’d consider life’s possibilities,
Determine my future goals,
Pass through time’s memories.
Not realizing I’d feel your essence,
Beneath a canopy of discovery,
I’ve held back, cowardly,
Yet to fully disclose, findings.
Now, if I don’t take you inside,
I fear, I’ll lose you,
To the calls of regret,
Maybe, to fear.

Nebraska

image

Good-bye Texas
I’m driving north
Nebraska bound
Towards a Throwback
Aksarben Vacation
Ready Set Go
Fields of green
Corn growing
Thunderstorms
All welcoming me home
Midwest community
Full of cowboys
Hired hands
Farmers
White collar
Professionals
Many wives and mothers
All the best of friends
Each one
Hardworking
The best of America’s breed
I can’t wait to begin
The transition of feeling
At home and complete
With extended family
Simple redheaded lady
Not much does she need
Just this small town
1, 200 childhood friends
To hug and greet

I’d take you
I think you’d fit in easily
We’ll take nothing too seriously
Over coffee maybe have
Deep conversations
About politics, weather and war
Some of them eyeing you
New person full of strange behaviors
You’d see the beauty
As we walk down main street
Spend evenings by the creek
Bottles of Jim Beam
Laughter
Making memories
I’d show you
Everything

Chocolate Cake

image

Getting ready for a nice evening with friends tonight. The men always enjoy a nice slice of chocolate cake. My dad does, too. Couldn’t help but think of him while I was in the kitchen. I loved making his favorite dessert. I’ll send him this picture and give him a call in a bit.

This photo was just taken and the cake is still warm. I call it Yum-Yum Cake, but others call it Texas Sheet Cake. This warm chocolate brownie cake reminds me of my April blog anniversary story, as well. The image still resonates with me, so it’ll be extremely hard watching everyone enjoy this cake later. Ha! Enjoy! Maybe you should make it for someone special tonight. Get in the kitchen and make the cake together…now that is a happy thought.

Yum-Yum Cake

2 c. flour
2 c. sugar
1/8 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. butter flavoring
2 sticks of butter
1/4 c. cocoa
1 c. water
1/2 c. buttermilk
1/2 tsp. soda
1/2 tsp. baking powder

Mix the flour and sugar together in a large mixing bowl. Boil the butter, cocoa and water in a saucepan. Pour it over the dry ingredients and mix. Add the remaining ingredients and mix well. Bake on a large cookie sheet at 400° for 20 minutes on the top rack of the oven.

Frosting:

1 stick of butter
4 T. cocoa
6 T. milk
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 lb. powdered sugar
1 to 1 1/2 c. nuts (optional)

Boil the butter, cocoa, milk and vanilla. Pour over the powdered sugar and mix with a whisk. Spread the frosting on the cake as it comes from the oven.

I Remember You

I listen to the rain outside; I think of you
Why now do I choose to remember
I miss the rain…Maybe I miss you.

A sad tune; takes me back
You should have kept that song
I need sadness…Maybe I need you.

Ears full of every song you’ve written
They quite rightly send me to you
I hear your melody…Maybe I hear you.

Your voice takes me back to that night
Strong hands play. I drift away
I wait for memories…Maybe I wait for you.

Your artistic mind allows for comfort
Today you will be my place to dwell
I wish for comfort…Maybe I wish for you.

Play our favorite notes: The deep ones
Allow my soul to sing
I can sing…Maybe I can sing for you.

That night you taught me how to play
Your arms wrapped around my body
I played for you…Maybe I taught you.

Feeling safe, free and secure; my speed
You encouraged my path beautifully
I remember it…Maybe I remember you.

You’re gone, Gone, GONE

The party’s over
The bags are packed and by the door
Don’t you dare leave me, not again
You’re gone gone gone
I’ve loved you forever and back
You’ve been here since the beginning
I’ve not had to ask for your forgiveness
You understand what I’ve been through
A similar path, me and you
Lost in translation for others, it is true
I promised to tell a story
This I will do