Your Christmas Poem

Here it is early Christmas morning. I should be in bed, but my baby sister, Leah, asked for a poem. I told her it would end up being terribly sad, and she said “sounds perfect.” My three siblings, no matter how old we get, still feel an incredible urge to be together for Christmas.

The last Christmas memory I have of us, as a nuclear family, is from when I was 12. It isn’t a positive memory, in all honesty. I remember my parents fighting in the only bathroom our house had, but it was one of the farthest rooms from the Christmas tree, so that’s where they went in an effort to shelter us from their crumbling marriage.

My parents needed to be away from the tree, because that’s where the four of us were sleeping. We were in a row with all four heads as far under the tree as possible.

We always decorated a real tree. Dad would load us all up into the pickup and we’d drive out to a small town called Ong. I’m not sure we were allowed to call Ong a town, it was more like a village, but a Christmas tree farm was located close by and we went every year.

This particular year, we walked a while before finding the perfect tree. I had my heart set on the best looking tree. Dad tried to warn me that it was too big for our living room, but I wouldn’t listen. I dug my heals in and insisted we cut the tree down and take it home.

Dad cut the tree down happily. We all helped carry it back to the pickup. Dad was great about choosing his battles with his children. Not much ever stirred him up, if I remember correctly. Calm, cool and relaxed is the best way to describe him. Mom could be described the same way now. Back then I think she looked at his coolness as more of a detriment to the greater good, if ya know what I mean.

My dad once crushed a man’s fist with his bare hand. The reason had something to do with witnessing this man strike his wife with the force of ten men. I suppose we all have limits, but I digress.

Y’all, the tree was enormous. We couldn’t place it in front of the picture window of our house, because of the size. We had to place it into a corner and hope for the best. The tree must have taken up the majority of two walls, but no one cared. We laughed over that tree for hours, maybe even days.

Anyway, this is what runs through my mind while trying to find the right words for a poem.

I thought I’d share a few silly giggles we had while chatting tonight…

Baby and her crew are in Colorado for Christmas. As they were reaching their destination she snaped this picture:

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She says we made it…only three individual lights glowing out here in the middle of nowhere and we all have the same last name. Colorado farm country can be a lonely place.

Middle was also traveling for Christmas tonight. Somewhere near the Oklahoma panhandle is her destination. Middle came out of the womb a city girl, but married a country boy, so we often giggle over her adventures. She sent me this update:

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“Aud, the last truck ahead of us just turned. We’re officially alone out here and it’s spooky.” (Gorgeous picture, Bean!)

Lastly, Big Brother’s holding his own fort down and doing his part for Santa. Not sure cookies go with his drink of choice, but he’s the oldest and I’m not gonna argue with him, plus someone at his house just got a set of drums…

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So yeah, that was our Christmas Eve giggle session. Oh, I did share this photo with them, but know that you may not hold me accountable for finishing it.

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Here’s your poem, my loves.
*****

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Christmas without you,
Never seems the same,
The food tastes worse,
And usually, ’tis game.
Hunting is frequent,
Among midwestern plains,
So the complaining must quit,
There’s only you to blame.
Of course we’d rather be together,
Sitting inside Big Brother’s barn,
We all know what happened last year,
Not one of us tried looking for a star.
We were all far too busy singing songs,
About whiskey and honky tonk bars,
To remember how often we’re apart,
A new Christmas memory is now ours.

Okay, it’s 2:40 AM….I’m spell checking and that’s all. My siblings got their Christmas wish. Anything that doesn’t make sense we’ll blame on Eggnog. Merry Christmas!!

Happy Thanksgiving

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Wishing I was with you,
No matter where you are,
I thought I heard you whisper,
Meet me among the stars.
Paper, rock, scissors,
Our little boy insists,
Hugs and kisses,
On his nightly visit.
He waits patiently,
On the tip of the moon,
His favorite moment,
You be me,
And I’ll be you.

***Written with love for my siblings. Big Brother, Middle, and Baby will all arrive late tonight at Dad’s house. The Old Cowboy will be thrilled. I know the coffee will be on and the anxious chatter will begin. It’ll be way past midnight, it usually is, when this poem arrives.
*****
~Photo taken by Middle somewhere in Western Kansas~

***Now a quick ditty…

‘Tis a late Thanksgiving Eve,
And found crowded around the table,
Is a family who loves to giggle,
With someone who’s trying to sleep.
As usual, it’s our Middle,
Big Brother’s asked to please wake her,
Hurry now, before she’s seen,
Or, as usual, Baby’s gonna scream.
“Someone pay attention to me!”
“Don’t you love me anymore?”
“Get Middle off the floor!”
Big Brother will scratch his head,
And roll his eyes with a grin,
Mumbling, “Not this again…”
Time for some of my Dad’s whiskey.
Our Old Cowboy lifting her to her feet,
Left responding rather gruffly,
“Middle, you haven’t even kissed me!”
All four will be left to ponder,
Why his Oldest Daughter’s missing,
“Who does she think she is by moving.”
What could their redheaded sister,
Have possibly planned,
More important than her clan?
I know, they know, for Thanksgiving,
There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,
But, this year I have to write for them,
From here in Houston, sun shining.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!! I love you guys!!

~Little do they know…I’m off in the morning to experience Houston’s live Thanksgiving Day Parade.

If We Were Having Coffee

A huge thank you to Willow for asking me to coffee today. Friday’s haiku about coffee and cookies give her the perfect opportunity to invite me to try her weekly post titled, “If We Were Having Coffee”. I’ve often found her poetry challenging my reality, as she often writes about the tough stuff life can dish out, and I thank her for it. Willow’s lovely photos over coffee express her day to day travels in a charming way, and prove how blessed she truly is to enjoy a full life, so stop by and say HI soon.

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The photo that brought us here

I’m not entirely sure how this works, but I believe I hand out coffee and cake, while you listen to me ramble on about my world a bit. You have no idea how much anxiety I have just thinking about talking about myself. We should start with conversing over my anxiety, but this isn’t a therapy session. Well, actually, isn’t coffee with friends sorta like that? I mean, don’t we normally end up offering each other advice over a cup of coffee? Only problem is that I prefer to be the one giving the advice. I pride myself on how well I deflect. Okay, I’m just digging myself a hole here, so let’s get started.

If we were having coffee: I’d have cleaned my kitchen, if this was our first visit together at my place, and I’d have probably made a brown sugar coffee cake with bing cherries. Since we’re friends you have this amazing ability to go on and on about how lovely my chickens are placed about the room, how great the coffee smells and how delicious the cake looks, which is all so stickin’ cute of you. I’ll explain that chickens and pitchers remind me of home, my parents and my great grandmother, Elsie, so I keep them here so I feel a little closer to home.

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I’ll turn sixteen shades of red, while sitting through your praises, I’ll try and thank you as quickly as possible and turn the subject to you with a comment like, ” Wait, didn’t you go to the doctor yesterday? Tell me how that went…”

If we were having coffee: I’d offer plenty of creamers, sugars and milk.You’d tell me I was tough for drinking it black and I’d tell you not really. Taking my coffee black is all I know. My grandparents drank, and still do drink, their coffee black, as does my father, so I didn’t see a world with creamer until I was in my twenties. I wanted to be part of the conversations the adults had growing up, so I asked for coffee when it was being offered and took it as it was served. Figuring I was so much like them that I would like the flavor as is, and I do. The red Folgers can was the coffee can I grew up seeing. I love seeing that can of coffee today, even if I’ve moved on to other brands.

If we were having coffee:
You’d ask me how my writing was going and I’d brush it off. Sayin’ oh pretty good. You’d have to be the friend to push me through that comment and expect more in return, if you really wanted to know. I know you’re the friend who does want to hear, so I offer a bit more. I’m having some trouble with a few characters and even more of an issue with expressing myself. Explaining also, that I have no time to focus on what I need to get done. Writing becomes a hobby during the school year and I miss it terribly. Boo hoo…

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Pretend Audrey Tear

If we were having coffee: I’d show you a few pictures that I took and would like to use, but probably won’t, as the lighting was terrible and the background unforgiving. However, it is such a cool place to visit here in Houston. This is Discovery Green and the sculptor, Jorge Marin, has an exhibit currently gracing our grounds and it truly is exceptional work. Click on his name if you’d like additional information.
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If we were having coffee:
I’d offer that Dad was doing really well with his chemo treatments. The doctors fixed his allergic reaction to the medicine beforehand, so this month’s appointment went well. He seems to be in good spirits, too. I’m so proud of my dad. My sisters went with him and kept him company for two days during his second round of medicine. I should have been there, too. Only makes sense that I would be, as I’m the oldest daughter. I have loads of guilt about that…I struggle with being so far away from them. I don’t suppose that’ll ever get any easier to deal with, so let’s change the subject.

If we were having coffee:
I’d say church was nice this morning. I served through the service, but I don’t mind. I’ll catch the video online later. Some mornings I find fellowship with other woman more important than sitting through service. Our conversations can so easily turn from pleasantries to important life discussions quickly. I’ve become more intuitive through the years and grasp onto those moments when I can. I truly do find such peace in helping women and more than anything offering my ear as a listening tool is where I’m best suited.

If we were having coffee:
I’d offer you a ride along today, as I have plans downtown. Here’s hoping today is a better picture taking day.

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Houston, Texas

If we were having coffee: I would ask you if you would like another cuppa, or another cake. If we were having Coffee Original idea from http://parttimemonster.wordpress.com/

I Miss These Brats!

Group chat with my three best friends, also known as my siblings, went well tonight. We even offered hilarious photos of one another. My meeting ran late, but when I returned home they were waiting patiently for me.

My siblings discussed Parenthood while they waited, a television program I used to watch a few years ago, but no longer do. Who has time? I will tell you that I don’t have any time, but they disagree by saying: My priority setting requires a revisit one of these days. Whatever.
Continue reading

Giggling Siblings

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A photo received this evening
Via Assholes, it seems
Giggle worthy, I believe
Siblings, teasing me
Oldest Sister always clouding
Viewing and capturing daily
Poetic puffs of creativity
Eleven floors up, they see
A spectacular moon beaming
Redheaded Sister will envy
A moon over the Rockies
Pay no mind to the glaring
It’s sparkling somewhere brightly
None of us can accept or believe
Our father has Cancer, weeping
But humor’s alive and well, Roomies
Oldest Sister is finally, giggling
Hospitals can be so very boring
Tease Dad for flirting with Nurse “Nelly”
And let this Cloud Poetess be
*wink*

*****

Yes, we received the worst news this weekend. Dad has Lukhemia. We’re all shocked and terrified, but he finally agreed to attempt treatment. Praising God this evening. My three siblings are with him in Denver and I’m in Houston. What a bummer. I am staying positive. I have to, you know.

In true family style…we try to keep smiling. I love you Big Brother, Middle and Baby with all my heart. Love this Father of ours so very much, however, the next time I see you guys I’m gonna kick your asses. I cannot believe y’all sit around and make fun of my cloud pictures!! How rude! 😉 😉 😉 Man, do I love you!! *giggles*

(Yes, my first reaction was to reply by calling them Assholes, so I did. They pissed themselves laughing. ..I do not apologize.  Haha!)

Oh, and a few more pictures they sent me this weekend. For your viewing pleasure:

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They literally have laughed me to scorn! 🙂
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This is complete cloud coverage, y’all. (See, I’m completely justified in calling them assholes, I think.) 😀

Driving Away (Haiku)

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Vacation over
Writing emotions, draining
The grass is greener

*****
I cannot believe my vacation and five weeks back home are finished already. They flew past me in a gust of regret, it seems. I mean this in the most positive of way, of course.

Left wishing I’d taken more time and less time, as well. Regretting that I did too much, yet too little, of everything.
Left words unsaid, and said words I shouldn’t have allowed out of my mouth. Basically, I lived, as we all do, wishing I’d tried differently without changing a thing.

I love my family, my hometown, my memories new and old, the best of new opportunities, and the thrill of this adventure. My hope for this trip was to come to terms with yesterday’s regret. I’m sure I didn’t do that, however, I found peace in knowing I never will.

Sadly, I leave Nebraska, Kansas, Colorado, and Oklahoma a different woman, yet again. Tomorrow I’ll drive the large state of Texas from top to bottom and then I’ll rest. Wave, if you see a white Dodge Charger. It’ll be me. The tired lady who stayed in the Midwest a bit too long, but even now resists the urge to turn her car back around.

Colorado Throwback Tour

When I first arrived in Nebraska, back in June, vacation planning for the second week of July started out a bit rough. We laughed until tears fell, as we joked about the expectations of our Colorado adventure. Three sisters and their big brother trying to plan a childhood throwback tour, but failing miserably every time we tried to cross off an item from our to do list.

We all had ideas, moments we wanted to recapture and places we wanted to reside near, while touring our childhood summer vacation spots.

One would think that by our age we could act like adults. Weigh the pros and cons of each idea and simply devise a plan. However, during early discussions, it occurred to me that we easily revert back to acting like adolescent siblings.

Middle backs up Baby most of the time, because she’s used to it. When paired off for summer visits with distant family she was with Baby a lot of the time, so they have a bond that was created years ago and we wouldn’t think of with it. Honestly, we all back up Baby, for obvious reasons. She’s the youngest and everyone’s favorite, so she usually gets her way. (She may or may not be the favorite, but none of us are willing to fess up or challenge her willingly.)

Me, Oldest, backs up Big Brother, because we share an oldest responsibility and have a feisty redheadedness that seems to work better in pairs. He shoots his thoughts straight from the hip, most cowboys do, and I wrangle him fairly well when the others think he’s being too stubborn. (Y’all know how redheads can be, right? Smile and wave…)

Baby backs up Middle, mostly because Middle is a control freak, which we all respect her for, but Baby can tolerate with more patience than anyone else. (We all may be control freaks, but Middle has been dubbed with the tag, so we go with it, okay?) Middle gets the job done with or without a pleasent smile. She’s the one we send in to battle. We even point our fingers as we stand behind her.

This must leave you wondering who backs up the Oldest Sister. Probably leaves you doing some math in your head, too. Well stop, it won’t work out mathematically, we’ve all tried. Fine. Okay, the answer is Big Brother. Mostly, because we’re similar in a lot ways, but also because we were often paired up when shipped to the grandparent’s for a visit. One learns to lean on the consistency of normal.

Truthfully, the four of us back each other up all day long. We call each other out on our ridiculousness and awesomeness, as well.

I’m really more of a prop during discussions, and have the role of keeping everyone happy or laughing, so the upside to this is that all three want to try and please me. (Not really, but it feels really good to write that down.)

You know, moving away from home and only seeing them twice a year has its advantages. I’m funnier than normal, much more rational and go down in history as an amazing people pleaser. (Yes, I could be exaggerating, but I’m writing this, so I get to be whomever I want.)

Sadly, after two and a half days we still didn’t have our Colorado Throwback Tour completely planned, but we were having fun trying. Here’s how one moment went as we were deciding on where we’d stay while on vacation. I feel the need to share this, as it was hysterical at the time. Enjoy!

*****

I should set this story up for you, a bit. We had spent the better part of a day researching online and calling places looking for the regulars, you know, availability, accommodations and location. We were striking out more than not, and it was beginning to seem entirely too funny.

At one point we called a lodge near Nederland, CO, which had enough rooms to accommodate our group. Middle was doing the talking, I was lying on the couch with Baby on my speaker phone and Big Brother was quietly sitting.

I could tell that the conversation between Middle and the person on the phone wasn’t going as we’d hoped. It was the tone in her voice, the random stare at her fingernails, and the complete boredom coming from her eyes. I knew we were in trouble when Middle’s nose curled up.

“Oh really?” She said. “Well, I guess we could do that, Sir. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to talk that over with the group first, however. ”

Her attitude had caught my attention a little bit before that and I whispered to Baby, “This isn’t the resort either…”

Middle kept talking and the conversation between the two of them continued to sound less than favorable. That’s when I cracked emotionally. Being the nut that I am, I lost it and began giggling. Planning a trip had gotten into my head and out of exhaustion I retaliated.

“Tell him we refuse to feed the homeless man that’s living under the porch,” I snickered quietly.

Baby laughs, “Yeah, no kidding!”

“Geez, just hang up,” I encouraged.

Baby started laughing, “Yeah, we don’t cook.” (We do…)

Middle, who was trying to keep her composure, smothered a giggle and I saw her do it. Folks? This is where the laughter blew up around us.

Middle began snapping her fingers, pointing at me and mouthing, “Stop it!”, over and over again, which has proven in moments past only to make things worse. She tries to be so intimidating and sometimes it works on us.

I make eye contact with Middle for the first time, since I started laughing, and she’s grinning, but still trying to hold down a conversation. This wasn’t the place for our family. She was just prolonging the inevitable, while quietly giggling. More like stifling a laugh, which then opens up the flood gates as I roar with laughter. Baby following suit. Big Brother is snickering and laughing, as he does, by stopping his natural breathing and becoming red in the face, as he falls over on to the floor.

Middle, in a fit of mumbled laughter says, “I’m sorry. I’ll have to call you back.” She hangs up the phone and exclaims, “That’s it! I’m done! Someone else is calling from now on!”

The four of us continue laughing into the night. Yes, another unsuccessful day of planning for us was achieved.

*****

Afterwards, I silently sat there daydreaming about this homeless man I’d creatively dreamt up. My story was that we would have been asked if we were willing to feed the homeless man living nearby, twice a day. Maybe he happened to be writing the next best american survival novel under random porches, one of which could have been ours, if he liked us. Only half of our group would’ve been on board with this idea, I think. I can’t imagine why.

He seems mysterious already and not one of us could have denied that the humorous jokes would’ve gone on for days. Keeping everyone upbeat and happy throught our vacation. The upside also being we could be part of history, if he would have become famous. Plus, he would have probably been well understood and accepted at the resort or been hauled off before we arrived. Wouldn’t you think?

Personally, I found my daydreaming extremely inspirational and began writing questions in order to have interviewed him properly. I’d have called him Hank, I think.

Bummer we didn’t go for a stay with Hank, don’t you think?

*****

We leave in just a few short hours in this 12 passenger van we’ve nicknamed White Lightening.

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White Lightning

We’ve had our t-shirts made for the 2014 Colorado Throwback Tour. Don’t forget the matching survival bracelets we made with love. Cool, right? This was Mom’s idea. She the often quiet and steady voice of reason.

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Throwback T-Shirt

The back of our t-shirts took a little thought and we decided to go with what made sense. After all the preparation, in order for us to travel back to Colorado, we thought it was only appropriate to express our desire properly.

One of our main goals was to have our family hike to the Meadow. A mountain destination that our family has been hiking to for generations. The spot our grandparents had taken us every year for as far back as I can remember. We’d stay in this cabin and hike nearly every day of our vacation. The four of us kids love this place.

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Family Cabin Of Years Past

The trail, not far from the family cabin, holds hundreds of memories and in every way has bonded us for life. The Meadow is beautiful and I plan on sharing photos of her soon. We found it fitting that we put this on the back of our shirts.

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All This For The Meadow

Wish us luck!

Let’s Go

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The beginning of this day,
Overwhelms me.
One more long drive,
Ahead of me.
The final payoff,
Unconditional love.
Up early to fill my lungs,
With cool Oklahoma air,
My mind wonders to you.
Your contagious laugh.
How the magical sound,
Must create a sparkle,
In a beauty’s eyes, without effort.
You make me smile as I reflect,
Easing me into my rewarding day.
You’re beside me as I drive,
Towards home,
All I’ve ever known.
Good morning,
I’m ready,
Let’s go.

Nebraska

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Good-bye Texas
I’m driving north
Nebraska bound
Towards a Throwback
Aksarben Vacation
Ready Set Go
Fields of green
Corn growing
Thunderstorms
All welcoming me home
Midwest community
Full of cowboys
Hired hands
Farmers
White collar
Professionals
Many wives and mothers
All the best of friends
Each one
Hardworking
The best of America’s breed
I can’t wait to begin
The transition of feeling
At home and complete
With extended family
Simple redheaded lady
Not much does she need
Just this small town
1, 200 childhood friends
To hug and greet

I’d take you
I think you’d fit in easily
We’ll take nothing too seriously
Over coffee maybe have
Deep conversations
About politics, weather and war
Some of them eyeing you
New person full of strange behaviors
You’d see the beauty
As we walk down main street
Spend evenings by the creek
Bottles of Jim Beam
Laughter
Making memories
I’d show you
Everything

My Sister

A child was born on Mother’s Day
Looking similar to all the rest
A nursery full of beauty
God brought you to her
My Sister
~
Laid upon her breast
Blue eyes locked to blue eyes
You fell in love
She was a mere child, as well
My Sister
~
The first Grandchild
Daddy’s Boy and Momma’s Joy
Craig, our shining star
You could do no wrong in their eyes
My Sister
~
Watching you grow
Meeting milestones
Dad a strutting peacock
None of us with more pride than she
My Sister
~
One day dark clouds rolled in
No advancing past your own floor rolling
To the doctors we’d go
No one stronger than she
My Sister
~
Two full years later, finally a diagnosis
Cockayne Syndrome, wouldn’t you know
We sat in silence, held each other close
If only seven years, she’d make them go slow
My Sister
~
Craig you rested so well in her arms
We all spoke your silent language
A community of your devoted fans
But none as in love as she
My Sister
~
Your fifth birthday here in a flash
Two weeks later, you woke up for the last time
We all ran to your side
In a hospital room we cried, but none like her
My Sister
~
Nothing they could do had been decided
Three siblings sat surrounding your mother
She rocked you as we prayed
“God, please don’t take him from her-not today.”
My Sister
~
A strong little boy who could never walk
Much too frail, much too sick
Was Heaven sent from Him to her
Yet, at twenty-three she was asked to give you back
My Sister
~
Over a decade later you’re still gone
As a man you’d been seen – almost
Still Daddy’s Boy and Momma’s Joy
Blue eyes sparkling, at your Mother
My Sister
~
May, the month of beautiful beginnings
The source of every mother’s worst nightmare
Baby Sister, you made it through, pay no mind to the dark days
That’s when Craig is with you
My Sister

Twelve years ago…we miss you, Craig. We love you. Everyday we’re thankful for the time we had…♥

Sisters

 

Hey, Sister
Hiya, Sis
Whatcha doin’
Nothing really, just wanted to run something past you. Do you have a minute?
Of course, are you writing again?
Yes, it has been kinda rough lately.
Are you okay?
I’ll be okay. Ever wonder what might have been?
Yeah, I do, Auddie.
I’m finding out who I am, you know?
Do you like her?
She isn’t what I expected, but clarity produces relief so that feels good.
I’ve always known who you are, Sister.
I’m not brave enough yet.
You are to me.
I miss you, you know?
Not as much as I miss you, Aud.
I’m thinking I should write the rest of this book in Nebraska.
You mean come home for the summer?
Yes, well part of it, anyway.
Your room is ready.
I need to sit beside you.
I know.
Maybe twist my curls and tell me I’m who I’m supposed to be?
You know I will.
Just sit here with me right now and wait, okay?
Anything to help.
I can hear you breathing.
I hear you, too.
Scary knowing what you want, isn’t it?
Yes, Audrey, it is.
Are you doing okay?
No, I’m worried about you. You’ve been so quiet for so long.
I know. I’m sorry…

Mom

Mr. Don Charisma’s Compassion Challenge: This one’s been a long time coming. I started this blog over a year ago now and haven’t written but two poems about my mother. Lot’s of pain there, but good pain. I love her. We’ve been through a lot. She is what strives me to be who I am today. She is a woman of courage. One day, I’ll open up more about our relationship, but tonight I felt the need to write this poem. It worked out perfectly…I just had to go for it and write it. Not think, just do…(Tomorrow morning will feel like waking from a one night stand…be gental, friends.

Hey, Momma
It’s me, Audrey
Your red headed, baby girl
You left me in charge at twelve
I knew how to make lasagna
You taught me well
I also know that you had to go
Left without a feasible choice
You and Dad, loved each other
Somewhere deep inside
Young souls
Hard knocks
Emotional Distance
Ended it all
Now I understand
As a young girl I couldn’t have
I’m a woman
I’ve felt that pain
I tried my best to help you, during those days
Raised your three other beauties
While you chased a dream
Today, I understand life isn’t easy
When you sit back and reflect
You feel like you abandoned us
As children we would’ve agreed
As adults, we forgive
Four children have seen where you were
You and Dad, well, yeah, blew it
Teenage forever love, how many truly achieve
We love you both, and the times we’ve had
Forgive yourself
Live life now
Enjoy knowing we turned out well
We’re all part of you
Your love proved, seeded deep
Maybe, we wouldn’t change anything
We met our Dad, after you left
He had to meet us half way
He did, it’s okay
We all turned out fine
Blessed journeys either way
Parenting isn’t easy
No one is perfect, no way, no how
Belive it, tis true
Let’s make the most of our time now

Anger

I grew up taking care
soothing pains
of those who suffered.
Who taught me?
Two sisters, brother,
mother and a father.
~
Oldest Daughter
fights for all.
Redheaded sister
hugs when they fall.
~
Don’t tell me
I’m vain,
Superficial;
or bloody insane.
~
The poetry
I write
is of happiness,
often healing me
at the end
of my day.
~
I tend to
women’s tears,
when there’s no
money for simplicities.
~
I feed children
with no lunches,
after mothers
have forgotten.
~
I fix worn out clothes,
even when I don’t know how.
~
Trust me, these people
I know;
live in my heart.
~
I’m not
what your
eyes see,
my poetry,
an escape for me.
~
I write of love
hoping to create it
for all those who
are denied.
~
Yes, I admit, it helps me too.
~
Am I confident?
~
Yes, I cannot help
this part of me.
~
Take it or leave it.
~
Maybe, just let me be me.
~
I know suffering
I feel it everyday
humanity is
my sibling,
my child,
my sister,
my friend,
my brother,
and my end.
~
I will go to my grave
trying to save them all.
I’m allowing you
to catch me when I fall.
Look me in the eye
when you’re looking
for a fight.
~
This girl will react.
~
I just might…

My View

Sending me pictures
The three of you together
A vigil you’ve created
May God bless you
Should be four of us in that room
Three sisters and a brother
Watching over our mother
Instead I watch with only a small view
Your faces should ease my worry
Instead I close my phone crying
My weakness is eating me alive

Failing You

I’m not there for you today
The fact still escapes me
Never in all my dreams could I see
Not getting to you when you’re in need
I always said I’d lead
Be there for each one of you
Siblings
Parents, too
I’m the Sister
I’m the Daughter
No matter the distance
Today marks another weakness
I’ve allowed distance to limit
All my most inherited instincts
I’m so sorry
I’m here going on about my day
The rest of you, in a waiting room
Keep me posted
I’m failing all of you
Damn, Texas and all the distance
Mom,  today, you’re on my mind

Sissy’s Lullaby

Sister, Oh Sisters I see our yesterdays so clear

Do you hear my songs whispering in your ear?

There wasn’t much I was prepared to say

If only my age hadn’t gotten in the way

To calm your fears, allowing sleepless nights to end

The truth for the two of you, I would always bend

I travelled slowly over subjects deemed too soon

Acting too lightly over feelings of darkness and gloom

Stay the child I have laying next to me, Oh Sister

Let me wish this dark cloud away

Oh let’s pray and pray and pray

There isn’t much a twelve-year-old could say.