Every Day – Haibun

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You hold my hand differently
Force these words away
Common sense tells me, ignore
Yet, I remember, every day

*****

“You shouldn’t share every word you write, caused by every feeling you have…”

“…but, if I wait until I can share perfection, even a valid effort, then I’d never share again.”

“How can you be okay with showing mediocrity?…”

“…It hadn’t occurred to me.”

“Surely, you notice where you fail.”

“I try not to think about it.”

“Honestly, none of this makes any sense, Audrey.”

“Thank you, for confirming.”

*****

Trust isn’t easy
Now do you understand why
 I want to believe

 

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~~
The photos shared with this Haibun are of the Devil’s Backbone Open Space, located just outside the northern end of the Rocky Mountain foothills, as you drive into Fort Collins, Colorado. You can read more about it here. Consequently, I did witness the largest rattlesnake I’ve ever seen while near this trail.

Keep in mind, I’m no photographer, I just wanted you to see more of this area of the world, and the topography it owns. Expressing myself here feels different, maybe I’m more in tune with who I am when I’m in Colorado. ♡

Happy Friday, Y’all.

Happy Birthday Dad

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I felt like talking…

I just talked to my Dad via cell phone tonight. Today is his 65th birthday! He’s at home making himself some sweet potatoes, while his blue jeans swish in the washing machine. Yep. Seriously…

He worked today. Trying to stay busy, Dad was between town and the feedlot throughout the day running errands, as his weakened muscles still keep him from doing a lot of the physical work required to raise cattle. His buddy Dale, who retired a few years ago, came out and rode by cattle pens with Dad for old times sake.

They drove to town and had lunch together, which must have been fun. Listening to Dad retell their experience proved that a good time was had by both, I think. A great salad bar and crappy pizza, he recalled. Ha. We like the salad bar, he insisted.

I wish I could give Dale a hug for keeping Dad company today. Two old cowboys content with each other’s silence is all I can ask for really.

Sounds like Dad had a fine birthday. He was chipper on the phone and admitted to answering his Facebook messages, as they came in, which is awesome. I’m thankful for Facebook. It keeps him closer to friends and family.

To be honest, I’m more disappointed in how his day turned out than he is. He should be enjoying our company tonight. His loved ones singing Happy Birthday over a big chocolate cake would have been ideal. We should be watching him blow out 65 candles.

In reality, he deserves kisses from his daughters, a beer from his son and gifts from his grandchildren. And then maybe, after we’d all left, he’d get to have sex, in an effort to finish off the day perfectly. I mean, seems fair, I think.

I’m bummed that his birthday didn’t look like a birthday. However, he seems fine and quite happy. I think he’s just used to every day looking about the same.

I can recall years ago when a birthday meant we got to choose what was for supper, while deciding who in the family got to bake our birthday cake just as we’d pictured it. Tonight, Dad said he wouldn’t have minded my lasagna and a piece of chocolate cake.

It’s my issue when I consider Dad’s day a less than an ideal birthday, I know.

Dad’s 65 today, and next week he receives his last two rounds of chemo. My prayer is that his doctors find him in perfect health, free of Leukemia. I don’t want to talk to him about living with cancer anymore.

I want our conversation to be about how proud I am of his decision to beat cancer. I need to hug him and thank him for fighting the disease with all the strength he had.

I took this photo while Dad was backing his boat into the lake this summer. I should’ve been in the boat already, but I wanted a picture first.

Happy Birthday, Daddy ♡

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♡Best Dad in the world
Happy Birthday, Fisherman
Wish our summer back ♡

Murmur

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Tell me again, but not above a whisper
I am tangled in between every sound
A voice nearly as sweet as hard candy
Persistent as a bumblebee’s clamoring

My words available, however breathless
Upon an ear such as yours, exploited
A curse, even you find hard to ignore
Listen, beauty aches, misunderstood

Though I run every day with the wolves
Feral in every way but two, the deeds
The language of your heart won’t miss
Lay down your poison arrows, fire at will

Tracking control among trees, primal
Murmurs, of wisps cling as they guide
Wolf’s confident charge glazes through
Your spirit soothes, submission, I lack

I ask not for your acquiescence in step
Humility is not a weakness you own
My desire is to hear the song, in part
That I might find this rhythm intoned

I stand forward, shedding perfect layers
My tenacity empowered, of this I know
Underneath layers of cimmerian leaves
Among light, where do amorous women go?

*****
To my surprise, an email from Johnny Ojanpera arrived in my inbox a few days ago with a collaboration request for my consideration. Moments like this one don’t come around often enough. I’ll admit to being rather shocked. Humbled, more appropriately. Johnny thought I’d need to stop and think about whether or not writing with him was an interest?! Umm, yes, please.

My only warning to him, however, was to be careful, as I’d proven to be a bit on the vulnerable side as of late. Yes, this was my attempt at scaring him away. He laughed, which I adored. I guess I don’t frighten Johnny. Living life with a creative wife has him covered in suitable armor, I suppose.

I am pleased with our poem, Johnny, thank you for your lead.

Johnny’s talent speaks for itself and can be found on his blog:  Johnny Ojanpera ~ The Words I Didn’t Forget.
Johnny proves to be incredibly intelligent, which I admire, and any applause over our effort should be directed towards his poetic ability.

Thanks for making poetry easy, Johnny. ♡

Your Gift

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The inevitability of a goodbye, frozen,
As time allows a winter glimpse.
Your daily vision offered,
A season of gifts.
Leaving me blessed,
Less tortured, I guess.
Knowing you considered me,
Even for a minute,
Noteworthy.
Yet, like the fallen snow,
Upon your branches,
I cling to who you are,
Protective and strong,
As if love could grow.
My one and only,
May you never forget me,
if the wind sends you on.
Look towards your view,
And always, always,
Think of us,
For it is I, who needs you.

Forgotten Mermaid

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He made her laugh,
Helped her relax,
Showed life,
On shelled sand.
Tagged, kindred,
Then one day gone,
Salty air teased,
No longer his pond.
Not too far,
Just this cove,
No sign of his heart,
So the story’s told.
She slowly sank,
Trying a stiff pointed tail,
Proudly swaying,
To no avail.
Not at all planned,
She missed him so,
In the end, confusion,
Azure ocean aglow.
Dirty little open secret,
Upon her fin,
Abandoned,
Tides in question.
Left to swim with fishes,
What’s left of,
His Crimson Mer,
Leaves me speechless.

Invested

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Designed fortress,
yet, I am not afraid.
Secluded
Unknown fears planted,
but, I welcome them.
Determined
You, pushing me away,
seemingly, draws me closer.
Zealous
Duration til discovery,
refuses to prevent me.
Willing
Walls surrounding you,
I love them, too.
Consistent
Calmly aware,
I could die this way.
Yearning
More frightening,
You’ll let me.
Yours

Complication

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Complicare: fold together;
Com- ‘together’, plicare- ‘to fold’,
Solves the muck.
Life, you find yourself inside,
And moments we all define,
As complicated.

Darling,
Complicated,
I know.

Genuine desire,
Of the unknown,
You needn’t shy away.
Intricate dealings,
Birth torture, it seems,
But, admit it, you want to go.

Darling,
Complicated,
I know.

However, stop and believe,
Trust in the journey,
Watch folded do its part.
Fold your hands in prayer,
Or fold them into mine,
Simply, trust my heart, sublime.

Darling,
Complicated,
I know.

Care must be given,
Situations, require debate,
Reflection, with a higher power.
Peaceful nod, perfect timing,
Let Him determine fate,
Allow me, to calm your mind.

Darling,
Complicated,
I know.

Nothing is ever too hard,
Nor will it be easy,
But, fun, yes, it can be.
Steady the course,
Let destiny control,
Either way, life, still beautiful.

Darling,
Complicated,
I know.