Eyes not yet connected
Souls searched routinely,
Understanding
Inevitable,
You breathe, I breathe.
Reconcile
Our belonging,
Lead me
Tag Archives: Faith
Sleepless
A quick update.
I’m here when I want be sleeping like the women I envy, even though I know desire gets me nowhere.
I envy her the quiets breaths her He would listen for, as He watched making sure bad dreams didn’t interrupt the peaceful place He’d prepared.
Suppose she offers him the same sanctuary. I hope so.
Anyway, just wanted y’all to know why I’m in and out of WordPress. My father begins a new treatment for a whole new set of distractions.
I can’t be with him like I want to be, because of the responsibilities I have for my own little family. Dad understands and has my middle and baby sisters with him this month. However, you guys know I am unsettled with the arrangement.
I have moments where I feel like my best isn’t enough.
When I fail at being human and not fighting for what I need.
What does obtaining get us?
Maybe as we are is best.
We understand this as we are space. It seems to work. It isn’t ideal, but our needs are met, if they weren’t we would change.
Or would we?
Fear is a real emotion. It isn’t intended for us, but we let it in. We grasp fear thinking we can somehow live together.
We can’t. Not truly.
Embracing love or accepting fear is the choice we’re given.
Love and fear don’t really work together.
Not Your Fault
Not your fault, I often question
Not your fault, I’m broken
Not your fault, you couldn’t ever understand my uncertainty.
Not your fault, my trust is hard to gain.
Not your fault, when often I’m distant or confused,
Not your fault, my conversation skills.
Not your fault, I’m used to my own silence
Not your fault, I don’t know which way to turn
Not your fault, I can’t process receiving concern
Not your fault, I discipline myself
Not your fault, I stay in control
Not your fault, I’m a soft shouldered girl.
Not your fault, I can’t talk
Not your fault, I come from two parents who were lost
Not your fault, I need so much
Not your fault, I feel less than
Not your fault, I can’t make it easy,
Not your fault, you deserve a Queen
It Wasn’t Until Now
It wasn’t until now,
as I humbly take you in,
that I understand love.
It wasn’t until now,
feeling you all the more,
I realize I have experienced devotion.
It wasn’t until now,
while sat here cherishing you,
my decision to try is simple.
Submersion
it’s how you sound
in your constant
here I am,
I’m not leaving
lap of consistency,
that turns me into
a believer.
even the glisten within
total darkness proves
you are you,
as swirls reach out
to touch me,
to quench.
I won’t miss the doubt,
fear
or the hiding.
complete submersion
into you,
heals.
Happy Easter
I hope your Easter is full of love. ♡
Home
she would guard him
through the night, devoted
and into every storm
knowing she belonged there, too
Leaning Into Real
maybe writing this out will help me compartmentalize my thoughts
there are so many distractions as of late
The new year came in with swords drawn and a battle ensued
one I’m currently within
I’ve been rude to those around me when it was never my intention
maybe inside a daydream isn’t where I should reside, only making life worse
tangible moments, proof they exist, is where my heart currently lives
Faith begins and ends my day, serving makes sense inside my head
an inability to understand is fine, just accept me for who I am
all praise honor and glory be, yes to the Father,
and then it’s he.
He who is out there, slowly keeping pace
would begin and end my moments, but that’s only what I need.
no desire left to chase, fearful of ending back in a place where questioning motive and truth controls my each and every day.
does peace exist? are relationships worth creating…
me who’s father was gone too much, a mother who left all together
how do I believe this isn’t the pattern,
it’s happened, one after the other.
leaning into the belief, if love is meant to be
easing into a life alone, tending to sheep and children who are all too soon grown, where will I go?
Listening for the answers I know my God has planned, I pray I don’t mess this up
looking down at my empty hands.
knowing each and every piece given to me for care,
is one I’m made for and a joy to prepare.
Anticipation
sweet pastels arrive
through my bedroom window,
finches giggle on
without a care,
springtime may blossom
after all,
as eager leaves on trees
relax, dutifully prepare.
Too Sweet
feminine misfortune is
believing
but not enough
in herself,
the act of giving
yet missing
the gift,
created for soft
when circumstance
requires strength,
waiting at the back
humble, unaware if
it’s already too late
For the girls who wish they could just take, but lack, no not lack, but were created differently, we’re going to be fine. Sweet has her place. ♡
His Presence
Red
Cardinal bird, a King
Came to see me
His voice authoritative
Until my eyes met his
Then tender he became
While looking intently into my soul
He touched the base of who I am,
Sensing my purpose, desire.
Have I touched him? No,
Yet, he is what I’ve known
Should exist.
Oh, light he provides
Stay, please
I am his.
*Photo doesn’t do these words justice, however, I had to try for a picture. Please excuse my inexperience.
Rebirth
her heart isn’t shattered
it’s defeated,
depths of its final
landing, unknown
to many.
but to those who
greet her,
the many who
survive the fall,
they’ve found the truths in and of love
and have vowed
to show her
Happy Birthday, Aud
Spending the morning with my father while he has chemo. Thrilled to share this day with him.
***
Sharing an old post of mine, which came to mind this morning as I wait, yeah it’s about a couple’s anniversary but passes for a nice birthday surprise, as well. Who doesn’t like cake?
Thank you for the love and prayers. Miss y’all. ♡
Stubborn Cowboy
the moment our entire world
shrinks and becomes
every touch you wish had been
possible
and pray it isn’t too late
to reach out for them
Continue reading
Inspiration
sentimental
not a weakness
just she, simply
***
Spring snow fall
Nervous driver
Magical day
***
Mountains whisper
Inspiration
Verdant sleeping
***
Comfortable
Wandering here
Her blessing now
The Eve of Faith
You listen with an
intensity
I’ve never known.
You guard
without thinking,
and somehow create
safety.
You lead
with ease
when ability
is lacking.
You create
hopefulness,
out of a speck.
It’s been a long time
since maybe.
Layered Confessions
Forcing myself to sit and listen to the layers within me.
Sorting through the wishing and the want, the need and pleading so that I might see truth.
I’ve never had much use for patience, yet I realize I must endure it’s process, if I’m to make you proud and find myself sitting near you.
There’s a stickiness after the honey is put back into the cubbard, that reminds me to wash my fingers, or make the choice to lick the stick away.
Maybe I’ve forgotten how to play.
While picking up at the end of the day, there’s a continuous stream of words I hear, “If you don’t then who will,” and so I bend at the waist and continue.
Beautiful blankets to fold, which keep us warm. Sleepy time tea at half past 12 leaves an empty cup beside me.
All require tending.
A flood of memories resume their normal station within my head each night, as the quiet takes over. I place yet another from my day beside them in hopes of room for one more.
Tears escape the wells in my eyes, as I wait for confirmation I was seen today.
Does anyone else feel this way…
I am my best friend, and my worst of enemies, and probably should be, but I’m tired of myself.
Now even I want to leave me.
Sharing my moments were intended for you. My heart steadfast in convincing. I want to believe.
How can it be love, in the end, I’m feeling.
Was I put here to take care of those near me? How much strength do I have? How much sadness can I hear?
A season of sorrows pulls me closer – Can I endure?
Must I without you? Knowing full well I have Him and He should be enough to sustain me.
And do you know you sound like Him in my head now and I may never be able to live without you?
Confessions
And then my littlest voice says, “Stupid.”
My eyes look to the ground, my lip turns slightly to the side, I pack myself away and force that little voice back inside.
Enough for one day.
Crossroad
praying seems simple
but what do we pray for,
the healing to continue?
even when every single day
is tough
maybe we pray for an end
of suffering, yet
I can’t fathom
world’s apart or dust to dust,
so here I am
upon knees, head bowing
please, it’s your will,
please.
and my loved one,
my inner child screams.
His Rapture
devotement immersed
within hazel hues,
steadiness in works
encourages her renewal.
to lie bare; belong
in his rapture,
open
among all.
guarded with fury
maintained and exposed,
submissive in capture
to earth’s protocol.
Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister 