a vision to enjoy,
breathe
rustic and pristine.
with an ounce of curiosity
I dream,
what stories are held within-
is this beauty, as she stands,
left for the taking,
or is someone keeping watch?
left to her own devises,
her strength must continue, remain hopeful in winter.
alone amongst the blanket of snow, she screams forlorn,
however you see her and she remains yours.
might she be worth the risk?
hardened by what he’d seen; by life,
the reflection behind his eyes created a flutter within me
like a bee for honey, I was willing to work and eager.
I remained close.
Structured and protective, with experience as his guide, I longed for his reverence.
his strength I devoured silently but wanted to wrap myself in for all to see.
like many, I wasn’t chosen.
life is a mystery and voices often confused, so I remained hopeful – just in case.
yet the determination in his heart is wide, and he has much to attend to
and so it goes.
I miss the days of lost in cerulean and clouds,
even though searching for you came with a cost,
my mind ardently invented you as I lie on the ground.
moments screamed past me then, and there’s no getting them back,
yet I feel fulfilled when memories rush in,
blessed, some would say to forget what I lacked.
a path was forged, one I so desperately needed,
the voice inside me tasted like screaming –
to most it wouldn’t make sense but free, my friend, isn’t always freedom.
contagious; the hum created
faster rubber, faster
goosebumps
sideways smile, slight dimple
upon me
the possibilities await
and the doves coo’d this morning
peruse, but take care;
vulnerable: only the prelude to what is needed when describing her.
sensuous verdure, yet saffron is shy’s color in nature.
Autumn breezes by
she feels him upon her skin
and she yearns for more, His protection everything.
black and white photo
winter season of healing
purely blanketed
I kept forcing nature;
give me what I want
like a bully, I pushed
forced my way in.
Now
I live,
in a cyclone of
decisions a Ms. is
required to make
but without leadership,
I’ll be doomed anyway.
Spent the day in the city with my daughter.
We parked downtown, walked for what felt like miles, the early hustle smelled delightful.
Saw colors in every direction.
We laughed, we sampled stores out of our comfort zone, drinks, food, books, music and art, as well. Our eyes sparkled in intrest.
We danced through walkways, giggled past what we knew we’d never understand, and held hands.
We reintroduced ourselves to chopsticks via YouTube and introduced ourselves to the sushi bar & spicy tuna.
We mused how shy girls could ever possibly find their voice, and teared up when the Columbian bracelets we admired were made for those who needed to learn how to communicate.
We wear matching aquamarine stone bracelets now, and thanked fate for bringing our conversation, in the car ride over, full circle.
We painted and sang without a care in the world. Allowing who we are a place of comfort – us, showing our little girl.
Busy streets we drove on and found parking within offered an exciting challenge,
But something changed inside of me as my daughter confessed,
“Momma, look at all we did just us – no men.
No brother, no daddy, …”
At 15 she felt empowered and ready for another adventure to begin.
Of course, my daughter, you are right. I’ve taught you how to live.
I mused quietly to myself, yes, yet again…
Just wait.
One day you’ll feel your hand within his,
or its warmth guiding you at the small of your back,
you’ll stand a bit taller with his palm holding your elbow, as you move along,
his stature in true protection will leave you in awe,
and his voice in your ear, at the end of the night, the one making up a lullaby song,
will be the reason doing life alone feels so wrong.
I refuse to be
To be the girl who doesn’t
Who dosen’t show you
Show you what and who I am
Who I am, I adore
I adore what makes me, me
Me, me the woman who tries
Who tries to be everything
Be every thing, to everyone
To every one, sadly, I cannot
I cannot be all of perfection
Of perfection, unobtainable, so notice me
Notice me inspite of what I’m not
I’m not the lady I once thought
Once thought who’d always create
Always create the poetry I desire
I desire sharing my soul
My soul aches towards connection
Towards connection I find completeness
Find completeness within myself
Within myself there is growth
Is growth enough for me
For me, it must be
Must be the sun found rising
Found rising outside my window
My window, compass in the kitchen
The kitchen where I sense you
Sense you up against me
Against me and deeply breathing
Deeply breathing in my essence
My essense, an offer only for you
For you, I will remain.
sat outside for a bit,
the evening
said good-bye,
a trying week
left behind.
I wasn’t alone
as the rain spat
gaining strength,
I met it
covering my face
go ahead – yours.
I succumbed
released my control again
my breath slowing, and
found I wasn’t alone.
She was with me,
taunting me with her ability
to pose, for him.
Loving this song’s message on EVERY level this morning.
Oh how I miss this space. ♡
“Mommying” in every direction as of late. Working on being intentional.
Still have this fantasy of a white or dark knight who musters up and says, “I’m picking up this side of the box. Let’s roll.”
I see so much potential in the best of places, yet I’m drawn to Him. I pray its known.
Until then I do what needs done. Normal. Everyday. Girl.
Yours.
I recognize how important a view like this could be for those seeking.
Deep breath, reminding me of how little we really are comparably.
How creation is here for a purpose and is depended upon.
And instead of sitting in awe, over its splendor,
I morn.
I caught a glimpse of what my soul really needed, felt my head finally clear, rooted in my deepest beliefs and wanted to stay.
Why would God show me and then pull it away.
Defeated.
Too much still depends on me. I can’t give up.
Breathe the azure
Smell the verdant
Touch the pristine
Let go of this grief.
***
What I Would Have Shown You
to be the accessory
his light in the world,
steadfast in protecting.
up against her Guardian,
the nature of his being,
requires nourishment,
his existence remains, wee devotee, lionhearted.
***
What I Would Have Shown You
wait with me for awhile
I’m little,
still valuable.
I live amongst grandiose,
stunning and unpredictable,
humans love them for their ability, acknowledge
the beauty they possess.
See me trying, blushing even
as my shape finishes form,
little, but striving,
will I be yours?
***
What I Would Have Shown You
delights in lemon; yellows and gold
no brawny
epitome of prophecy, in sunshine.
daylight
randomness of her existence
mostly kept
yet everyone’s caught sight
***
What I Would Have Shown You
nostalgic lusting
barbed good riddance finish
inevitable
***
What I Would Have Shown You
morning creates challenge
feeling her breath push back against her face
reflects the battle frenzy
one mind, two ideas
reluctant, her leading continues
clearer moments, please
***
What I Would Have Shown You
I laugh at how easily I ignore my inner voice. I am such a brat. Not that negative voice telling me I’m not good enough (I dislike her very much.), but the one warning me. The consistant kicking in the pants telling me to pay attention.
I listen clearly when danger is near and she has helped me. All other areas of life are ignored until I finally get hit with what I’m choosing to over look.
Seems by that point it’s too late for me to ignore my direction, because it’s hard to avoid the obvious. This is when I get hurt. If only I would listen to her pleas.
My body knows, my eyes see and my heart recognizes all inconsistencies, so why not allow them to do their job.
My voice. Why do I ignore her?
As I reflect in my review, she’s been spot on and she’s saved me from a lot of hurt.
I just don’t want to believe negative exists. I easily get lost inside wishing for what I want to happen because I believe goodness prevails in any situation.
Silly, Audrey.
I can trust myself.
I need to trust my voice.
I adore Lauren’s new song. Listen for me. This is where my clarity was found.
I just left Colorado a few weeks ago. The Rockies looked just like the mountains in her video. I feel like this video is for me.
Audrey, love yourself.
Geez, how many times have I read this over the years.
I get it now, if I don’t call out what doesn’t make sense how do I know whether or not I’m being too hard on myself.
I love my voice.
I hope you find my new series enjoyable. I’ve not done a series of poetry posts connected to one another so intimately, so this is super fun for me. And incredibly important moving forward.
I’m excited.
Watch for:
What I Would Have Shown You
Have a wonderful weekend!
– Aud
I hear regret in his voice
the mistake I was for him,
my soul aches in monochrome,
but yellow lives in bursts like Spring
and a Pink Ladies leafless show
I’ve seen purple, as if born from the eyes of kings,
and verdant in twilight’s glow.
the blues of Poseidon’s seas
and red from a rose;
white clouds in pristine,
and brown where life grows.
who wouldn’t want a girl like me
***
Been thinking a lot the last few minutes on how we teach toddlers the correct way to be social humans. The act of placing them in time out until they understand the lesson. Requesting they stay there until they’ve been told they’re allowed to rejoin the group.
We do the same sort of training on puppies, asking them to sit and stay until the command is given to release and enjoy.
Over a year ago I fell in love again. I fell hard for him. A future with someone had all the components needed to be successful, I truly believed. My mind is a beautiful place to be when love is the theme.
The qualities I look for/drawn to are simple.
Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister 