Planning

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Day three of trying to buy eggs, maybe longer.

Probably

Still none in sight

However,

I got a call from my neighbor, her boyfriend has good news

His girls are layin’

Sounds like I’ll have eggs soon,

So much for leaving the county.

Shelter

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might I come for awhile,
little bitty dreams
of yesterday
have returned.
crisp air has forged
a wool blanket, yet
within you I’d feel protected.
air has freedom I’m unsure
of, terrifying ideas
too many possibles,
too many versions of me
compete.
your walls,
could bring me peace,
looking up …
the distance makes
me dizzy.

Life Ever After

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Spent the day in the city with my daughter.

We parked downtown, walked for what felt like miles, the early hustle smelled delightful.

Saw colors in every direction.

We laughed, we sampled stores out of our comfort zone, drinks, food, books, music and art, as well. Our eyes sparkled in intrest.

We danced through walkways, giggled past what we knew we’d never understand, and held hands.

We reintroduced ourselves to chopsticks via YouTube and introduced ourselves to the sushi bar & spicy tuna.

We mused how shy girls could ever possibly find their voice, and teared up when the Columbian bracelets we admired were made for those who needed to learn how to communicate.

We wear matching aquamarine stone bracelets now, and thanked fate for bringing our conversation, in the car ride over, full circle.

We painted and sang without a care in the world. Allowing who we are a place of comfort – us, showing our little girl.

Busy streets we drove on and found parking within offered an exciting challenge,

But something changed inside of me as my daughter confessed,

“Momma, look at all we did just us – no men.

No brother, no daddy, …”

At 15 she felt empowered and ready for another adventure to begin.

Of course, my daughter, you are right. I’ve taught you how to live.

I mused quietly to myself, yes, yet again…

Just wait.

One day you’ll feel your hand within his,

or its warmth guiding you at the small of your back,

you’ll stand a bit taller with his palm holding your elbow, as you move along,

his stature in true protection will leave you in awe,

and his voice in your ear, at the end of the night, the one making up a lullaby song,

will be the reason doing life alone feels so wrong.

I Will Remain

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I refuse to be
To be the girl who doesn’t
Who dosen’t show you
Show you what and who I am

Who I am, I adore
I adore what makes me, me
Me, me the woman who tries
Who tries to be everything

Be every thing, to everyone
To every one, sadly, I cannot
I cannot be all of perfection
Of perfection, unobtainable, so notice me

Notice me inspite of what I’m not
I’m not the lady I once thought
Once thought who’d always create
Always create the poetry I desire

I desire sharing my soul
My soul aches towards connection
Towards connection I find completeness
Find completeness within myself

Within myself there is growth
Is growth enough for me
For me, it must be
Must be the sun found rising

Found rising outside my window
My window, compass in the kitchen
The kitchen where I sense you
Sense you up against me

Against me and deeply breathing
Deeply breathing in my essence
My essense, an offer only for you
For you, I will remain.

To Worship Him

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imagine with me, if you will
red dirt dusted
upon his boots,
the chair otherworldly
a product of sturdy,
lean legs crossed
relaxed.
smokey eyes intent on
the crown of the moon
and sun before him
a sigh,
twilight.
aware of every shift, made upon his domain,
cheekbones defined
as he contemplates
his tomorrow.
I see him,
and all I need is to
worship him.

Ready To Receive

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Found atop a blanket of motley colors,
A woman born of divine design,
what does she dream of, they wonder.
Fairytales full of splendor,
Fantasies full of surrender,
Suddenly she remembers how to shine.
Caught inside in the textures of our earth,
and the weight of why we’re here,
inspiration returns.
Her eyes see what no one else has to find, she is happy to believe.
Her fingers willingly touch what others presumably mustn’t,
and her heart is open towards the clouds. She is ready to receive.

Isn’t it a wonder!

***
What I Would Have Shown You

Found

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And then there was light.

Those are someone else’s words,
but I felt them run through me,
a cleansing.
I watched in awe, as power
consumed nature.

In my time – is all I heard.

Then the storm moved in and surrounded me,
created a blindness towards
my search for understanding,
quite literally!

Washed in clouds,
cold air across my face,
red curls blowing everywhere,
and a giggle began from deep inside of me. Clouds!

Let him decide.

Change was here.


***
What I Would Have Shown You

Breathe

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I recognize how important a view like this could be for those seeking.

Deep breath, reminding me of how little we really are comparably.

How creation is here for a purpose and is depended upon.

And instead of sitting in awe, over its splendor,

I morn.

I caught a glimpse of what my soul really needed, felt my head finally clear, rooted in my deepest beliefs and wanted to stay.

Why would God show me and then pull it away.

Defeated.

Too much still depends on me. I can’t give up.

Breathe the azure
Smell the verdant
Touch the pristine

Let go of this grief.

***
What I Would Have Shown You