peruse, but take care;
vulnerable: only the prelude to what is needed when describing her.
sensuous verdure, yet saffron is shy’s color in nature.
Autumn breezes by
she feels him upon her skin
and she yearns for more, His protection everything.
a dove who coos without being asked, annoys me
this continuous reverberation
creates a rhythm
and my eyes roll.
the joy with which he calls
slaps me across the face,
he stops as if he knows
and I laugh, recross my legs and continue to rock this chair.
she won’t be the girl again
again seems too hard
over worked,
redundant
fake
those 1,000 pieces
lost
looked over,
couldn’t really be her now
tragedy, she may never have actually been.
Spent the day in the city with my daughter.
We parked downtown, walked for what felt like miles, the early hustle smelled delightful.
Saw colors in every direction.
We laughed, we sampled stores out of our comfort zone, drinks, food, books, music and art, as well. Our eyes sparkled in intrest.
We danced through walkways, giggled past what we knew we’d never understand, and held hands.
We reintroduced ourselves to chopsticks via YouTube and introduced ourselves to the sushi bar & spicy tuna.
We mused how shy girls could ever possibly find their voice, and teared up when the Columbian bracelets we admired were made for those who needed to learn how to communicate.
We wear matching aquamarine stone bracelets now, and thanked fate for bringing our conversation, in the car ride over, full circle.
We painted and sang without a care in the world. Allowing who we are a place of comfort – us, showing our little girl.
Busy streets we drove on and found parking within offered an exciting challenge,
But something changed inside of me as my daughter confessed,
“Momma, look at all we did just us – no men.
No brother, no daddy, …”
At 15 she felt empowered and ready for another adventure to begin.
Of course, my daughter, you are right. I’ve taught you how to live.
I mused quietly to myself, yes, yet again…
Just wait.
One day you’ll feel your hand within his,
or its warmth guiding you at the small of your back,
you’ll stand a bit taller with his palm holding your elbow, as you move along,
his stature in true protection will leave you in awe,
and his voice in your ear, at the end of the night, the one making up a lullaby song,
will be the reason doing life alone feels so wrong.
hiding behind flowers
masking myself;
for a moment,
their beauty
mine.
escaping reality
living as they do
carefree,
gorgeous
desired.
unfolding pink hue
natural in feminine
palm cupping delight
wait with me for awhile
I’m little,
still valuable.
I live amongst grandiose,
stunning and unpredictable,
humans love them for their ability, acknowledge
the beauty they possess.
See me trying, blushing even
as my shape finishes form,
little, but striving,
will I be yours?
***
What I Would Have Shown You
delights in lemon; yellows and gold
no brawny
epitome of prophecy, in sunshine.
daylight
randomness of her existence
mostly kept
yet everyone’s caught sight
***
What I Would Have Shown You
essence everywhere
sliding, slowly, before me
found beauty, lifeless
and myself sat searching.
water breaks past roots, stones and debris
flows towards my lense; healing.
Chortles echo in the distance,
oh, one day love will be,
Verdant , my keeper – Forest King
show me where life will lead,
tears dampen this face, and my page,
Colorado heal me,
God, show me grace.
You reside on protective winds,
Waves she won’t honestly understand; and been denied.
Bringing peace to bruised souls deemed worth saving.
Left early to her own devices,
She questions helpful hands
Prefers avoiding disappointment, yet failed.
Forced to believe she’s meant to be alone,
Soul searching required, and left to wonder
Why life is the way it is.
She shines among them,
strongest of petals, feared.
Proud of who she is,
beauty of her spirit, revealed. Confidence will outshine,
Those who needed to see,
her fail.
…we grow into who we’ve always wanted to be – my hope.
A favorite of mine. A good reminder today, as well.
When did my confidence go to battle with my insecurities?
Why are they winning?
I know better.
I am better.
I will continue to thrive.
Go. It’s been done before,
I survived.
I would again.
Throwing a temper tantrum would never work.
Waiting patiently gets me nowhere.
Being my quiet self is far too dull.
All that is left is to use my voice, yet, the quiver I hear isn’t very convincing as I try.
Fearing judgment may keep me from the happiness I know I deserve.
Wanting to be a playground, but instead I’ve become too common.
Take what is yours, these words I hear constantly in my head, I used to believe they were meant for me to say to the one who truly wanted me.
Maybe it’s what I’m supposed to do.
Huh, it goes against who I believe I am, but being left alone is too.
Silence this mouth
With words forgiving
Shut my eyes
Positive images abound me
Steady these long legs
Upon fertile ground
Wrap my eager hands
Binding them in grace
Within attentive ears
Might music absolve; save me
Amidst the clutter
Of my mind
I recognize who and what I love.
Clinging to primitive, and desire,
I retreat
Into wooded respite
As I normally do.
Surviving reality
A conscious decision every day, yet
Eventually every tree will fall.
How do I listen for one more?
too average
too independent
too quiet
too far away
too serious
too cliche
too normal
too she’ll be okay
cool wind drapes my shoulders,
as thoughts ride tides too high
for a woman like me.
unable to reach, nor smell the
scent of a life,
only read about
through my hazel eyes
obsessing.
no voice brave enough inside
to share what I need,
see
even dream,
proves leaning on another to name
the clouds above me is selfish.
and the sounds of morning continue,
breezes swirl, leaves fluttering
against each other,
while ignited rain clouds grumble
along side today’s dawning.
grateful for the noise,
which drowns, for another day,
my inability
to offer what builds
inside of me, hoping no one
notices the girl hiding.
I watch the doves dip and weave
Chasing one another,
Yet I grieve
For a life I’ve dreamt about
Since I was a child,
In a grey, aging, house
There were giggles
And four children the cause,
Despite their loss
Of the everyday normalcy
Of Mom being near,
Nothing making sense, life unclear
If love exists, breathes, you say
Will it fulfill my wish,
Not run – at the top of my list
So sovereign Cardinals in my view
Standing watch, yearning
Might keep me from melancholy.
I saw this tonight and wanted you to be the one I showed it to, but that’s okay.
I hate when I cry.
Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister 