I Will Remain

I refuse to be
To be the girl who doesn’t
Who dosen’t show you
Show you what and who I am

Who I am, I adore
I adore what makes me, me
Me, me the woman who tries
Who tries to be everything

Be every thing, to everyone
To every one, sadly, I cannot
I cannot be all of perfection
Of perfection, unobtainable, so notice me

Notice me inspite of what I’m not
I’m not the lady I once thought
Once thought who’d always create
Always create the poetry I desire

I desire sharing my soul
My soul aches towards connection
Towards connection I find completeness
Find completeness within myself

Within myself there is growth
Is growth enough for me
For me, it must be
Must be the sun found rising

Found rising outside my window
My window, compass in the kitchen
The kitchen where I sense you
Sense you up against me

Against me and deeply breathing
Deeply breathing in my essence
My essense, an offer only for you
For you, I will remain.

To Worship Him

imagine with me, if you will
red dirt dusted
upon his boots,
the chair otherworldly
a product of sturdy,
lean legs crossed
relaxed.
smokey eyes intent on
the crown of the moon
and sun before him
a sigh,
twilight.
aware of every shift, made upon his domain,
cheekbones defined
as he contemplates
his tomorrow.
I see him,
and all I need is to
worship him.

All The Feels Today

Loving this song’s message on EVERY level this morning.

Oh how I miss this space. ♡

“Mommying” in every direction as of late. Working on being intentional.

Still have this fantasy of a white or dark knight who musters up and says, “I’m picking up this side of the box. Let’s roll.”

I see so much potential in the best of places, yet I’m drawn to Him. I pray its known.

Until then I do what needs done. Normal. Everyday. Girl.

Yours.

Found

And then there was light.

Those are someone else’s words,
but I felt them run through me,
a cleansing.
I watched in awe, as power
consumed nature.

In my time – is all I heard.

Then the storm moved in and surrounded me,
created a blindness towards
my search for understanding,
quite literally!

Washed in clouds,
cold air across my face,
red curls blowing everywhere,
and a giggle began from deep inside of me. Clouds!

Let him decide.

Change was here.


***
What I Would Have Shown You

Breathe

I recognize how important a view like this could be for those seeking.

Deep breath, reminding me of how little we really are comparably.

How creation is here for a purpose and is depended upon.

And instead of sitting in awe, over its splendor,

I morn.

I caught a glimpse of what my soul really needed, felt my head finally clear, rooted in my deepest beliefs and wanted to stay.

Why would God show me and then pull it away.

Defeated.

Too much still depends on me. I can’t give up.

Breathe the azure
Smell the verdant
Touch the pristine

Let go of this grief.

***
What I Would Have Shown You

Belonging

Conquering wasn’t the plan.
as plain as it sounds,
I wanted to belong
be along side,
your missing link
searched for
found
and shown
where I was needed.
Sustainable, desired
an intricate detail,
in view
precious,
in the forever story.
One shouldn’t go
where one isn’t
planned for,
intended
or thought of

***

What I Would Have Shown You

Small Pebble In My Jeans

my attraction to hard, born through a lost memory,
existed,
created who I am.

an unusual warmth from the simplest of minerals I’ve grown accustomed to, need
and cannot explain.

I greet them, inspect
place them in my hand
and slowly they enter,
my pocket. Mine. My anchor.

each time I revisit the Rockies
the desire arouses
matures, alters in strength,
becomes habitual.

these rocks, their immensity
I want to claim as my own,
every year unwilling to ask
I leave, unbecoming.

*What I Would Have Shown You

An Update & New Series

I laugh at how easily I ignore my inner voice. I am such a brat. Not that negative voice telling me I’m not good enough (I dislike her very much.), but the one warning me. The consistant kicking in the pants telling me to pay attention.

I listen clearly when danger is near and she has helped me. All other areas of life are ignored until I finally get hit with what I’m choosing to over look.

Seems by that point it’s too late for me to ignore my direction, because it’s hard to avoid the obvious. This is when I get hurt. If only I would listen to her pleas.

My body knows, my eyes see and my heart recognizes all inconsistencies, so why not allow them to do their job.

My voice. Why do I ignore her?

As I reflect in my review, she’s been spot on and she’s saved me from a lot of hurt.

I just don’t want to believe negative exists. I easily get lost inside wishing for what I want to happen because I believe goodness prevails in any situation.

Silly, Audrey.

I can trust myself.

I need to trust my voice.

I adore Lauren’s new song. Listen for me. This is where my clarity was found.

I just left Colorado a few weeks ago. The Rockies looked just like the mountains in her video. I feel like this video is for me.

Audrey, love yourself.

Geez, how many times have I read this over the years.

I get it now, if I don’t call out what doesn’t make sense how do I know whether or not I’m being too hard on myself.

I love my voice.

I hope you find my new series enjoyable. I’ve not done a series of poetry posts connected to one another so intimately, so this is super fun for me. And incredibly important moving forward.

I’m excited.

Watch for:

What I Would Have Shown You

Have a wonderful weekend!

– Aud