Darkness

January 21, 2021

The tick, is it inside my head or just over there on the wall

Both

The cold upon my hands is it still there or has it traveled to my heart

Both

The quiver on my lips is it caused by the world or by him

Both

Does art matter beyond the eye or will it stay forever in our minds

Both

When we are deemed useless is it easy to overcome or can it stay with us forever

Both

Scared I’m close to only one side existing. Weakness is impatient with me. Strength barely recognized.

Yet

I still see beauty. It’s in flowers, rocks, trees, clouds, water, prairie, mountains, oceans and sand.

And

I’ve witnessed love.

Prophetess

Act of life continual
Beauty of friendship dependable
Strength of devotion idyllic

Reaction of touch universal
Bounds of desire unavoidable
Art of love cryptic

Pain of loss actual
Depths of grief immeasurable
Grounds of recovery idealistic

Fate of reaction categorical
Power of instinct inseparable
Gains of clarity sibyllic

Surrendered

an ache within
for progress;
strengthening,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.

a simple decree
less distress; a little more
happily ever after,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.

apricot visions
release me;
wandering free the verdict –
but far from home,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.

Assumption

he found me sitting, legs crossed
black leggins with a bit cut out
just where attraction begins

he smelled all around me,
even the book I was holding.
he offered static pause so I could watch, his energy and legends felt deep within me.
I wasn’t as terrified as most
would have been
his presence came through peacefully
and i found myself worshiping him.

looking back he wandered off slowly, maybe
sensing the aroma of another or giving up on me
and I was left to assume

which is never good.

Shelter

might I come for awhile,
little bitty dreams
of yesterday
have returned.
crisp air has forged
a wool blanket, yet
within you I’d feel protected.
air has freedom I’m unsure
of, terrifying ideas
too many possibles,
too many versions of me
compete.
your walls,
could bring me peace,
looking up …
the distance makes
me dizzy.

I Will Remain

I refuse to be
To be the girl who doesn’t
Who dosen’t show you
Show you what and who I am

Who I am, I adore
I adore what makes me, me
Me, me the woman who tries
Who tries to be everything

Be every thing, to everyone
To every one, sadly, I cannot
I cannot be all of perfection
Of perfection, unobtainable, so notice me

Notice me inspite of what I’m not
I’m not the lady I once thought
Once thought who’d always create
Always create the poetry I desire

I desire sharing my soul
My soul aches towards connection
Towards connection I find completeness
Find completeness within myself

Within myself there is growth
Is growth enough for me
For me, it must be
Must be the sun found rising

Found rising outside my window
My window, compass in the kitchen
The kitchen where I sense you
Sense you up against me

Against me and deeply breathing
Deeply breathing in my essence
My essense, an offer only for you
For you, I will remain.

To Worship Him

imagine with me, if you will
red dirt dusted
upon his boots,
the chair otherworldly
a product of sturdy,
lean legs crossed
relaxed.
smokey eyes intent on
the crown of the moon
and sun before him
a sigh,
twilight.
aware of every shift, made upon his domain,
cheekbones defined
as he contemplates
his tomorrow.
I see him,
and all I need is to
worship him.

Ready To Receive

Found atop a blanket of motley colors,
A woman born of divine design,
what does she dream of, they wonder.
Fairytales full of splendor,
Fantasies full of surrender,
Suddenly she remembers how to shine.
Caught inside in the textures of our earth,
and the weight of why we’re here,
inspiration returns.
Her eyes see what no one else has to find, she is happy to believe.
Her fingers willingly touch what others presumably mustn’t,
and her heart is open towards the clouds. She is ready to receive.

Isn’t it a wonder!

***
What I Would Have Shown You

Breathe

I recognize how important a view like this could be for those seeking.

Deep breath, reminding me of how little we really are comparably.

How creation is here for a purpose and is depended upon.

And instead of sitting in awe, over its splendor,

I morn.

I caught a glimpse of what my soul really needed, felt my head finally clear, rooted in my deepest beliefs and wanted to stay.

Why would God show me and then pull it away.

Defeated.

Too much still depends on me. I can’t give up.

Breathe the azure
Smell the verdant
Touch the pristine

Let go of this grief.

***
What I Would Have Shown You

Small Pebble In My Jeans

my attraction to hard, born through a lost memory,
existed,
created who I am.

an unusual warmth from the simplest of minerals I’ve grown accustomed to, need
and cannot explain.

I greet them, inspect
place them in my hand
and slowly they enter,
my pocket. Mine. My anchor.

each time I revisit the Rockies
the desire arouses
matures, alters in strength,
becomes habitual.

these rocks, their immensity
I want to claim as my own,
every year unwilling to ask
I leave, unbecoming.

*What I Would Have Shown You

What I Would Have Shown You

inspiration doesn’t require
explaination,
when sat upon our souls
we transform. Recognized.

guidance welcome
acceptance voluntary

but, we strive to belong
somewhere or to someone
and in wanting we lose foundation. Consumed.

inspiration lost
desperation born

recognizing ourselves
and our vision
becomes impossible,
leaving the impetus expired.

***

An update and explaination for my words in this What I Would Have Shown You series can be found here: https://oldestdaughterredheadedsister.com/2019/08/10/an-update-new-series/

I hope you enjoy my journey. Your grace and patience while I sat growing has overwhelmed me.

Thank you for reading.

My Mess

essence everywhere
sliding, slowly, before me
found beauty, lifeless
and myself sat searching.
water breaks past roots, stones and debris
flows towards my lense; healing.
Chortles echo in the distance,
oh, one day love will be,
Verdant , my keeper – Forest King
show me where life will lead,
tears dampen this face, and my page,
Colorado heal me,
God, show me grace.