to fall sleep
believing
in tomorrow,
is how he prefers me
and so I do,
prepared.
Asides
Experience
It’s petals laying crossways,
My grandmother always said,
Notice their ruffled beauty,
Across the body, throughout her head.
The heart will lead us,
Paths rarely fond easy, and
With moments of dread.
However, trust
You’ll make it through,
The alternative is dead.
Notice
Don’t bother comparing us,
Simply won’t do,
We share similar parts,
But totally different hues.
Sensing your internal struggle,
Trying to decide between two,
Confessing to you now,
She’s finding her way back to you.
Knowing your confidence all too well,
I’ll offer, what I know to be true,
I prefer to continue alone,
If she still owns any part of you.
But This Is What I Do
I fall hard
but this is what I do.
I imagine long walks,
you pointing out the vision
I see as reality,
but this is what I do.
I picture myself as a flower,
each petal adored, even
in her simplicity,
but this is what I do.
The vast Midwestern skyline
of Nebraska takes me to
where you are daily, and I pray
but this is what I do.
I wander inside of a daydream
where we exist as one,
but this is what I do.
Now (The Wait)
There
Isn’t
Anything
To
Wait
For.
This is it, and so is now
And now,
Now
Now
Now
Now,
Yep, and now.
You get the idea.
Impression
Women employed by conditions
Beyond their control,
Wore cotton prairie dresses
Stained, of their station,
Laundered just the same
Mom
I can remember when becoming a mom consumed my every thought.
How to convience, plan and encourge a journey leading life in that direction.
Those first few months, I recognized within me a confidence, it was solid, made for it, indeed. Doubt didn’t stand a chance.
I never, not once, saw myself going it alone.
Being mom always included a dad.
Here I am, a mom. Content with how we’ve done. The children are a constant beside me. Never questioning the road. Still not comfortable parenting solo.
I always thought families deserved both.
Even if mom looks like this…
I think you’ll agree there’s an astonishing similarity.
Circa 2012
Lifeline
There will come a day,
When I can look upon,
Their relationship,
And say, in my experience.
Until then, I will continue,
To watch in awe,
As they deem one another,
Poetically united: a lifeline.
The Answer
there – the whisper
calling her name
there is the silence,
no need to explain.
there’s the faith
she felt deep inside
there is the answer,
she knew she’d find.
Maybe That’s All
if anything, I see
beauty returns eventually,
subtle drops of rain
worth clinging to fall down, eventually.
robins bounce about
puddles found,
my eyes search cloud ripples
finding your name,
and summertime is born
maybe that’s all there is to say.
Listening Together
I get caught up in the lyrics
a poet, most surely always has.
He listens to the music
proud of his favorite band.
I lean in closer,
following his lead
he listens for the horns,
I pray the words are for me.
Torn
I
love
love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
its been all I can think about,
it’s all I knew to say,
it’s all my fault,
I’m to blame.
i could have just said,
i want to sleep with you.
can i climb in.
goodnight.
thank you, for seeing me.
i wish i could feel your touch.
tell me you’re pleased.
If I had known this is what you were prepared to hear…
I would have.
Because now, I’m just scared.
*once broken, surrendering love is never easy, but then sometimes thats all there is, an existence arrives and so we do.
It Was Always Okay
It was always okay
For me to be me
To tend to others
And giggle like i was free
It was always a good time
If i intently gave my attention
To those surrounding
Eager for affection
The smile i offered
It was always a lie
Unseen; no one who mattered
Tied up inside
Most Intimately
lays her heart
most intimately
before you,
softness
a gift,
this blush on her form,
a part of who she is
but when you touch her
the perfection becomes yours
Touch, Even Without
Droplets soothe
Atop declared property,
Sprinklings offer care, such
Valiant beading seen.
Overwhelms beautifully,
Such devotion
Heals, thank you.
His Devotee
her lack of confidence,
deep within,
sails past most
as they watch
day to day,
so intriguing, she,
a soul they want close.
Then One leans in,
comes a little closer,
sensing her heart,
listening.
The wait he’ll entertain,
a point of patience given,
proof of his ability
to see her,
and who she is,
true acceptance shown, granted.
The beginning of what is
meant to be,
his devotee.
Softly Say
Eyes not yet connected
Souls searched routinely,
Understanding
Inevitable,
You breathe, I breathe.
Reconcile
Our belonging,
Lead me
Preparing Me
Hey, Sweetie
Dad’s reassuring greet
I’ve just always expected
Weather’s calm
Dad’s predictability
Bring snacks for the backseat
Asking where to, and then
Do you know where we are
Just look for the sun
Stay calm
Know this will also pass
He has prepared me
Sleepless
A quick update.
I’m here when I want be sleeping like the women I envy, even though I know desire gets me nowhere.
I envy her the quiets breaths her He would listen for, as He watched making sure bad dreams didn’t interrupt the peaceful place He’d prepared.
Suppose she offers him the same sanctuary. I hope so.
Anyway, just wanted y’all to know why I’m in and out of WordPress. My father begins a new treatment for a whole new set of distractions.
I can’t be with him like I want to be, because of the responsibilities I have for my own little family. Dad understands and has my middle and baby sisters with him this month. However, you guys know I am unsettled with the arrangement.
I have moments where I feel like my best isn’t enough.
When I fail at being human and not fighting for what I need.
What does obtaining get us?
Maybe as we are is best.
We understand this as we are space. It seems to work. It isn’t ideal, but our needs are met, if they weren’t we would change.
Or would we?
Fear is a real emotion. It isn’t intended for us, but we let it in. We grasp fear thinking we can somehow live together.
We can’t. Not truly.
Embracing love or accepting fear is the choice we’re given.
Love and fear don’t really work together.
Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister 