Chocolate Cake

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Getting ready for a nice evening with friends tonight. The men always enjoy a nice slice of chocolate cake. My dad does, too. Couldn’t help but think of him while I was in the kitchen. I loved making his favorite dessert. I’ll send him this picture and give him a call in a bit.

This photo was just taken and the cake is still warm. I call it Yum-Yum Cake, but others call it Texas Sheet Cake. This warm chocolate brownie cake reminds me of my April blog anniversary story, as well. The image still resonates with me, so it’ll be extremely hard watching everyone enjoy this cake later. Ha! Enjoy! Maybe you should make it for someone special tonight. Get in the kitchen and make the cake together…now that is a happy thought.

Yum-Yum Cake

2 c. flour
2 c. sugar
1/8 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. butter flavoring
2 sticks of butter
1/4 c. cocoa
1 c. water
1/2 c. buttermilk
1/2 tsp. soda
1/2 tsp. baking powder

Mix the flour and sugar together in a large mixing bowl. Boil the butter, cocoa and water in a saucepan. Pour it over the dry ingredients and mix. Add the remaining ingredients and mix well. Bake on a large cookie sheet at 400° for 20 minutes on the top rack of the oven.

Frosting:

1 stick of butter
4 T. cocoa
6 T. milk
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 lb. powdered sugar
1 to 1 1/2 c. nuts (optional)

Boil the butter, cocoa, milk and vanilla. Pour over the powdered sugar and mix with a whisk. Spread the frosting on the cake as it comes from the oven.

Don’t Forget Me

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I remember the day you came to me, you know. A young girl, who wrote of love, craved for someone else to take control of her life. I needed to feel protected, guarded and loved by someone stronger than I was at the time. While others slept, I, consumed with fear, chaperoned myself and wrote of places I’d never been or experienced. Becoming someone years ahead of my time, gladly, then embarrassment reared its ugly head. It silenced me, begged me to doubt myself and my truest of callings.

Rarely is there a day that passes where thoughts of your expectations fail to motivate me. Yet, I never measure up. I’m not who you need me to be. Visions of you still strong. You live distinctly inside my mind. Do you have what is takes to restore this woman? Encourage her soul? I’ve always known your face, felt your hands and seen inside your eyes. I know you doubt me, but you have always helped me create and find my words. I’m here for you. I believe it. I feel it. I confess everything to you, honestly. Accept me, please.

Final wish tonight
Visions of your handy work
My supplication

Wink At Me

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Look at you
Peeking
Winking
Enhancing my freckling
Sunbathing in your glow
Warming my skin
This chair allowing me to fall in
Yes
There you are
Up so high
I see your smile
Your eyes, too
Lost in thoughts
Taking the afternoon off
Drinking a margarita
Or two
Allowing my mind to wander
And do whatever it desires 
With you

Last Night’s Dream

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Woke up with tear stained eyes
A vivid dream nothing but a memory
We were running down the beach
Do you see
Light wind coupled with light feet
Breathing slowly
Hearts sounding like thunder
My mind clear, yet full of wonder
The distance we ran effortlessly
Filled with meaning
Stop
Pulling you down and into the sand
Forcing your eyes to look into mine
My body on top of yours, almost floating
Water lapping at our toes
Consuming the salty air
Seagulls provide a mating call
The perfect setting
Finally
Releasing our control, our duty
Succumbing to the beast
Alive, well and needing
Finally you agree to touch me
Hands sliding over my arms
Cradling both sides of my face
I feel your heat
You’re shaking
Stop questioning everything
Look at me
Wanting to force you to believe
But knowing I can’t
Waiting for your lead
My eyes plead
Yours filled with worry
I’m waiting
This life, ours for the taking
Stop searching
I’m here
Waking up to dried tears

Sisters

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Hey, Sister
Hiya, Sis
Whatcha doin’
Nothing really, just wanted to run something past you. Do you have a minute?
Of course, are you writing again?
Yes, it has been kinda rough lately.
Are you okay?
I’ll be okay. Ever wonder what might have been?
Yeah, I do, Auddie.
I’m finding out who I am, you know?
Do you like her?
She isn’t what I expected, but clarity produces relief so that feels good.
I’ve always known who you are, Sister.
I’m not brave enough yet.
You are to me.
I miss you, you know?
Not as much as I miss you, Aud.
I’m thinking I should write the rest of this book in Nebraska.
You mean come home for the summer?
Yes, well part of it, anyway.
Your room is ready.
I need to sit beside you.
I know.
Maybe twist my curls and tell me I’m who I’m supposed to be?
You know I will.
Just sit here with me right now and wait, okay?
Anything to help.
I can hear you breathing.
I hear you, too.
Scary knowing what you want, isn’t it?
Yes, Audrey, it is.
Are you doing okay?
No, I’m worried about you. You’ve been so quiet for so long.
I know. I’m sorry…

King

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Escaping
Multiple ways
Peaking through
A protective sheath
Darting into bloom
Look at me
Assuming his crown
Sauntering and taunting with the wind
Swaying as he anticipates
The sun’s kiss
Smothered in hues of blue
Rooted in purple
The color of Kings
Surveying his empire
Tip glowing
Surrounded in white
Empowered wildflower
Standing at attention
Waiting to be devoured

Trail (Haibun)

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I took a drive to the island. With more willingness than I thought possible of myself, I approached an unsafe area opting to stop and park. Not the best area to be alone in, yet I walked. Fear didn’t fill me. Strange. I’ve always been scared. I took pictures of brokenness everywhere. Randomly. I left. I drove away feeling slightly amused that nothing dangerous had happened. Silly girl, usually afraid of her own shadow.

The ferry took me over to the peninsula, and not many people were headed there so late in the day. My white Charger parked in the middle row, as if allowing the other cars on board to hug her tightly. I climbed the stairs, stood outside, and allowed the wind to blow through my hair. Where did I think I was going? I smelled the salty air. I closed my eyes. I was in pursuit. Not of myself, really, but of myself, truly.

I drove the main road for miles, listened to John Legend’s You And I on repeat, then I abruptly decided to stop the car. I placed my flip-flops on the hood and proceeded to wonder while walking the beach, I read the waves and settled my brain.

Following closely
Seashells show the journey long
Get me out of here

(I completely understand that the pronoun ‘I’ isn’t normally used in the Haibun prose, but I couldn’t keep from using it. Hope it doesn’t ruin the effort.) Critics are welcome! Please…

Tonight

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Dark room
Just me and you
No conversation
Silence
A void
No strength
To fill
Find me
Darkness breathes
Heart beating
Senses alive
I feel your heat
Smell the musk
Waiting
Seems like forever
Way past dusk
Nerves shattered
A million ways
Your hand placed
Upon my waist
Pulling
Leaning into you
Sighing
Heartbeat strong
Found me
Cold
Alone
Unrecognizable
I’m sorry
My day defeating
Weakness shown
Afternoon spent
Redefining goals
Come here, Audrey
Your voice soothing
Bring on the calm
Arms reaching
Steadying
Working hands
Welcoming
Eyes close
Submitting
Thankful for this release
Take me where you need to be
Willing

Damn It!

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Sat in on my first poetry reading today.
Since college, that is.
Of course, I sat in the back.
Watching.
Learning.
Scared to death for all Poets.
Only fifteen of them.
The African American was phenomenal.
His deep voice calling me in.
As if saying, Audrey, join them.
Open mic, yes, it was time.
Nerves shot, don’t call for mine.
No one forced.
Each one took a turn.
Audrey clapped.
Audrey laughed.
Audrey shed her tears.
Silently.
Show them who you are, darling.
I whispered to myself.
My voice already shaking.
Lack of confidence, maybe.
But I’ll do anything in full view.
Play a part.
Smile my smile.
Sing a song.
Laugh til it drives you wild.
Share myself?
My poetry?
My soul?
Who I am?
Exactly.
I just couldn’t.
I didn’t.
Leaving again.
Unworthy.
Damn it!