Survivor

When did my confidence go to battle with my insecurities?
Why are they winning?
I know better.
I am better.
I will continue to thrive.
Go. It’s been done before,
I survived.
I would again.

Throwing a temper tantrum would never work.

Waiting patiently gets me nowhere.

Being my quiet self is far too dull.

All that is left is to use my voice, yet, the quiver I hear isn’t very convincing as I try.

Fearing judgment may keep me from the happiness I know I deserve.

Wanting to be a playground, but instead I’ve become too common.

Take what is yours, these words I hear constantly in my head, I used to believe they were meant for me to say to the one who truly wanted me.

Maybe it’s what I’m supposed to do.

Huh, it goes against who I believe I am, but being left alone is too.

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32 thoughts on “Survivor

  1. Figuring out who you are is difficult because it’s always a situation in flux. You’re a warrior one day or maybe only one hour, defending your children or your rights. You’re a chef another day, stirring up a pot of stew for the chilled hungry masses who come to eat at your table. You’re a swimmer, moving upstream against the tide of indifference or intolerance or selfishness, or whatever greedy mass movement offends you.

    Always you are a poet, Audrey, and I suspect that your poetry, at least the poetry always in your soul, will one day reach the heart of a person who deserves to sit by your side and be your companion in all things.

    As for common? The thought doesn’t belong here.

    • Single parenting my two nearly grown ones has offered them moments to show me I’m not alone. They are fantastic and have done their best to walk along side me at the ready to make me a prouder mom than the day before.
      Shari, I’m a difficult one to love. My inability to show weakness keeps many away. I’ve always had to be tough. Some days I just want to fall and yes, I’d be thrilled to have a partner. Praying the fates have me earning that right one day soon.
      Thank you for lifting me up. I appreciate you. β™‘

  2. I love this line. “Take what is yours, these words I hear constantly in my head, I used to believe they were meant for me to say to the one who truly wanted me.” I hope you have changed your mind.

  3. I think this might be a “This too shall pass” moment, Miss A. Hang in there. Winter can be hard, with its gray days and cold, but eventually the sun will shine again!

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