might I come for awhile,
little bitty dreams
of yesterday
have returned.
crisp air has forged
a wool blanket, yet
within you I’d feel protected.
air has freedom I’m unsure
of, terrifying ideas
too many possibles,
too many versions of me
compete.
your walls,
could bring me peace,
looking up …
the distance makes
me dizzy.
Milestones met
at the start of the sun,
give it two years,
the daily will be done,
and then
what?
Spent the day in the city with my daughter.
We parked downtown, walked for what felt like miles, the early hustle smelled delightful.
Saw colors in every direction.
We laughed, we sampled stores out of our comfort zone, drinks, food, books, music and art, as well. Our eyes sparkled in intrest.
We danced through walkways, giggled past what we knew we’d never understand, and held hands.
We reintroduced ourselves to chopsticks via YouTube and introduced ourselves to the sushi bar & spicy tuna.
We mused how shy girls could ever possibly find their voice, and teared up when the Columbian bracelets we admired were made for those who needed to learn how to communicate.
We wear matching aquamarine stone bracelets now, and thanked fate for bringing our conversation, in the car ride over, full circle.
We painted and sang without a care in the world. Allowing who we are a place of comfort – us, showing our little girl.
Busy streets we drove on and found parking within offered an exciting challenge,
But something changed inside of me as my daughter confessed,
“Momma, look at all we did just us – no men.
No brother, no daddy, …”
At 15 she felt empowered and ready for another adventure to begin.
Of course, my daughter, you are right. I’ve taught you how to live.
I mused quietly to myself, yes, yet again…
Just wait.
One day you’ll feel your hand within his,
or its warmth guiding you at the small of your back,
you’ll stand a bit taller with his palm holding your elbow, as you move along,
his stature in true protection will leave you in awe,
and his voice in your ear, at the end of the night, the one making up a lullaby song,
will be the reason doing life alone feels so wrong.
sat outside for a bit,
the evening
said good-bye,
a trying week
left behind.
I wasn’t alone
as the rain spat
gaining strength,
I met it
covering my face
go ahead – yours.
I succumbed
released my control again
my breath slowing, and
found I wasn’t alone.
She was with me,
taunting me with her ability
to pose, for him.
Loving this song’s message on EVERY level this morning.
Oh how I miss this space. ♡
“Mommying” in every direction as of late. Working on being intentional.
Still have this fantasy of a white or dark knight who musters up and says, “I’m picking up this side of the box. Let’s roll.”
I see so much potential in the best of places, yet I’m drawn to Him. I pray its known.
Until then I do what needs done. Normal. Everyday. Girl.
Yours.
my step is lighter, yet
i want you here,
can’t imagine this feeling will ever go away.
whatever the journey
lessons are learned
being open to growth
is difficult,
but I’ve humbled myself,
ready for today.
***
What I Would Have Shown You
– The End.
nourished solely
on the belief someone
truly knew me
felt like I was loved
treated fairly,
an important piece,
my past cleansed
and the beginning of honest
healing,
a glimpse at serendipitous.
***
What I Would Have Shown You
I have nothing else to give
Basically, just me
I have nothing worth any consequence
Basically, just me
I have nothing new
Basically, just me
I have nothing
Basically, just me
Too basic? Maybe.
Or too much me?
***
What I Would Have Shown You
Found atop a blanket of motley colors,
A woman born of divine design,
what does she dream of, they wonder.
Fairytales full of splendor,
Fantasies full of surrender,
Suddenly she remembers how to shine.
Caught inside in the textures of our earth,
and the weight of why we’re here,
inspiration returns.
Her eyes see what no one else has to find, she is happy to believe.
Her fingers willingly touch what others presumably mustn’t,
and her heart is open towards the clouds. She is ready to receive.
Isn’t it a wonder!
***
What I Would Have Shown You
wait with me for awhile
I’m little,
still valuable.
I live amongst grandiose,
stunning and unpredictable,
humans love them for their ability, acknowledge
the beauty they possess.
See me trying, blushing even
as my shape finishes form,
little, but striving,
will I be yours?
***
What I Would Have Shown You
delights in lemon; yellows and gold
no brawny
epitome of prophecy, in sunshine.
daylight
randomness of her existence
mostly kept
yet everyone’s caught sight
***
What I Would Have Shown You
when I wrote to him
He wasn’t a stranger,
many would have assumed otherwise
’twas as if I’d known him
all my life.
no ideas of where he’d been
or what he looked like
just a simple understanding
he was broken, working
and incredibly wise.
so much of what felt like home
was his on the daily, but
consequently
still pictures of my childhood, were opened up by him and shown
to other people I
I didn’t know.
written by a man who knew me already
yet barely was the reality,
if at all actually,
oh, how it resonated with me so.
it being his voice, I hadn’t heard,
but my mind understood
my heart longed to be near,
these hands feared, for the touch
of his skin would be too much,
mine eyes surely would tease how
not a man such as him,
could ever understand a girl like me.
yet he is within me,
upon a heartbeat I no longer recognize.
conspicuous am I about
these cries of longing
living on shaking fingertips
of a poetess,
who believes she’s found a way
to feel complete,
but who would agree.
I’ve found myself in a state of reflection, yet again. Yes. I know. Do I ever move forward? We’ll see.
Usually.
He’s my muse,
Maybe he’s forgotten,
Unable to feel
My arms,
How I’ve wrapped them
So many times,
Squeezing tighter,
Within my mind.
He’s the attraction
I adore,
The lust upon my tongue,
Yet I cannot reach him.
Left.
Aching with want
Living amongst the borderline,
Of am I enough.
I yearn for his trust,
As he longs for my mind,
If I give it away –
Then what?
He’s mine – my wish,
Like a daisy chain around
My neck; a gift.
I’d wear him with pride,
If he’d ask.
I’m in love with being in love.
There’s nothing I have visioned for myself that excites me more.
I hear laughter
Eye squints as their sparkle escapes
I feel that upon my face.
Silly grins
Dimples no longer hidden within
The true marking of contentment
And its offer of grace.
The best of friends welcoming
Challenges – happy endings -frustrations.
Holding hands, connecting spirits
Building a firm foundation.
Take me there, widen the span of
Love’s true existence
Birth the eve of beginnings
And wrap me in the arms of the one
Who needs me.
Whispers in the depth of night
Whites of our eyes shining bright
Lips in movement
Words offer our reality
Conversing in shallow tunes
Touch, leaning into the heat of you
Expressing thoughts; gift to thee
Without fear, fate leads the he and she of our bonding.
it is his love i seek
his attention for which
i plea,
my sun, all the stars
in my make believe,
are shining again,
i’m suddenly awake,
and know just who i need.
When did my confidence go to battle with my insecurities?
Why are they winning?
I know better.
I am better.
I will continue to thrive.
Go. It’s been done before,
I survived.
I would again.
Throwing a temper tantrum would never work.
Waiting patiently gets me nowhere.
Being my quiet self is far too dull.
All that is left is to use my voice, yet, the quiver I hear isn’t very convincing as I try.
Fearing judgment may keep me from the happiness I know I deserve.
Wanting to be a playground, but instead I’ve become too common.
Take what is yours, these words I hear constantly in my head, I used to believe they were meant for me to say to the one who truly wanted me.
Maybe it’s what I’m supposed to do.
Huh, it goes against who I believe I am, but being left alone is too.
