Forcing myself to sit and listen to the layers within me.

Sorting through the wishing and the want, the need and pleading so that I might see truth.

I’ve never had much use for patience, yet I realize I must endure it’s process, if I’m to make you proud and find myself sitting near you.

There’s a stickiness after the honey is put back into the cubbard, that reminds me to wash my fingers, or make the choice to lick the stick away.

Maybe I’ve forgotten how to play.

While picking up at the end of the day, there’s a continuous stream of words I hear, “If you don’t then who will,” and so I bend at the waist and continue.

Beautiful blankets to fold, which keep us warm. Sleepy time tea at half past 12 leaves an empty cup beside me.

All require tending.

A flood of memories resume their normal station within my head each night, as the quiet takes over. I place yet another from my day beside them in hopes of room for one more.

Tears escape the wells in my eyes, as I wait for confirmation I was seen today.

Does anyone else feel this way…

I am my best friend, and my worst of enemies, and probably should be, but I’m tired of myself.

Now even I want to leave me.

Sharing my moments were intended for you. My heart steadfast in convincing. I want to believe.

How can it be love, in the end, I’m feeling.

Was I put here to take care of those near me? How much strength do I have? How much sadness can I hear? 

A season of sorrows pulls me closer – Can I endure?

Must I without you? Knowing full well I have Him and He should be enough to sustain me.

And do you know you sound like Him in my head now and I may never be able to live without you?

Confessions

And then my littlest voice says, “Stupid.”

My eyes look to the ground, my lip turns slightly to the side, I pack myself away and force that little voice back inside.

Enough for one day.