an ache within
for progress;
strengthening,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.
a simple decree
less distress; a little more
happily ever after,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.
apricot visions
release me;
wandering free the verdict –
but far from home,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.
Someday there will be love
One day this will matter
Ignore the lonely hum
The lack of normal banter
Existence is overrated
he found me sitting, legs crossed
black leggins with a bit cut out
just where attraction begins
he smelled all around me,
even the book I was holding.
he offered static pause so I could watch, his energy and legends felt deep within me.
I wasn’t as terrified as most
would have been
his presence came through peacefully
and i found myself worshiping him.
looking back he wandered off slowly, maybe
sensing the aroma of another or giving up on me
and I was left to assume
which is never good.
spring is your season, silly girl
smile a little, won’t kill ya,
lost it some time ago.
business as usual
get to work, gonna be a beautiful day.
might I come for awhile,
little bitty dreams
of yesterday
have returned.
crisp air has forged
a wool blanket, yet
within you I’d feel protected.
air has freedom I’m unsure
of, terrifying ideas
too many possibles,
too many versions of me
compete.
your walls,
could bring me peace,
looking up …
the distance makes
me dizzy.
hiding behind flowers
masking myself;
for a moment,
their beauty
mine.
escaping reality
living as they do
carefree,
gorgeous
desired.
I refuse to be
To be the girl who doesn’t
Who dosen’t show you
Show you what and who I am
Who I am, I adore
I adore what makes me, me
Me, me the woman who tries
Who tries to be everything
Be every thing, to everyone
To every one, sadly, I cannot
I cannot be all of perfection
Of perfection, unobtainable, so notice me
Notice me inspite of what I’m not
I’m not the lady I once thought
Once thought who’d always create
Always create the poetry I desire
I desire sharing my soul
My soul aches towards connection
Towards connection I find completeness
Find completeness within myself
Within myself there is growth
Is growth enough for me
For me, it must be
Must be the sun found rising
Found rising outside my window
My window, compass in the kitchen
The kitchen where I sense you
Sense you up against me
Against me and deeply breathing
Deeply breathing in my essence
My essense, an offer only for you
For you, I will remain.
sat outside for a bit,
the evening
said good-bye,
a trying week
left behind.
I wasn’t alone
as the rain spat
gaining strength,
I met it
covering my face
go ahead – yours.
I succumbed
released my control again
my breath slowing, and
found I wasn’t alone.
She was with me,
taunting me with her ability
to pose, for him.
imagine with me, if you will
red dirt dusted
upon his boots,
the chair otherworldly
a product of sturdy,
lean legs crossed
relaxed.
smokey eyes intent on
the crown of the moon
and sun before him
a sigh,
twilight.
aware of every shift, made upon his domain,
cheekbones defined
as he contemplates
his tomorrow.
I see him,
and all I need is to
worship him.
Found atop a blanket of motley colors,
A woman born of divine design,
what does she dream of, they wonder.
Fairytales full of splendor,
Fantasies full of surrender,
Suddenly she remembers how to shine.
Caught inside in the textures of our earth,
and the weight of why we’re here,
inspiration returns.
Her eyes see what no one else has to find, she is happy to believe.
Her fingers willingly touch what others presumably mustn’t,
and her heart is open towards the clouds. She is ready to receive.
Isn’t it a wonder!
***
What I Would Have Shown You
I recognize how important a view like this could be for those seeking.
Deep breath, reminding me of how little we really are comparably.
How creation is here for a purpose and is depended upon.
And instead of sitting in awe, over its splendor,
I morn.
I caught a glimpse of what my soul really needed, felt my head finally clear, rooted in my deepest beliefs and wanted to stay.
Why would God show me and then pull it away.
Defeated.
Too much still depends on me. I can’t give up.
Breathe the azure
Smell the verdant
Touch the pristine
Let go of this grief.
***
What I Would Have Shown You
with excitement
my soul a flutter,
silly smirk on my lips
as the climb continues.
show me
take me
allow the fall
everything here is perfect,
even my brokenness
***
What I Would Have Shown You
my prayer:
distract me enough
so I pursue your plan for me
Lord, protect him enough
so that he and his heart stay safe.
I need to believe in your will,
I want to believe he’s mine,
as he pulls away.
***
What I Would Have Shown You
sit with me
in awe
glorious vision
the hand of God
the splendor of twilight
hurry is slowing down before us.
*What I Would Have Shown You
my attraction to hard, born through a lost memory,
existed,
created who I am.
an unusual warmth from the simplest of minerals I’ve grown accustomed to, need
and cannot explain.
I greet them, inspect
place them in my hand
and slowly they enter,
my pocket. Mine. My anchor.
each time I revisit the Rockies
the desire arouses
matures, alters in strength,
becomes habitual.
these rocks, their immensity
I want to claim as my own,
every year unwilling to ask
I leave, unbecoming.
*What I Would Have Shown You
inspiration doesn’t require
explaination,
when sat upon our souls
we transform. Recognized.
guidance welcome
acceptance voluntary
but, we strive to belong
somewhere or to someone
and in wanting we lose foundation. Consumed.
inspiration lost
desperation born
recognizing ourselves
and our vision
becomes impossible,
leaving the impetus expired.
***
An update and explaination for my words in this What I Would Have Shown You series can be found here: https://oldestdaughterredheadedsister.com/2019/08/10/an-update-new-series/
I hope you enjoy my journey. Your grace and patience while I sat growing has overwhelmed me.
Thank you for reading.
essence everywhere
sliding, slowly, before me
found beauty, lifeless
and myself sat searching.
water breaks past roots, stones and debris
flows towards my lense; healing.
Chortles echo in the distance,
oh, one day love will be,
Verdant , my keeper – Forest King
show me where life will lead,
tears dampen this face, and my page,
Colorado heal me,
God, show me grace.
she was given too much lead
the excess rope
(she dances around,
tries to find comfort in,
as she attempts what is most terrifying,)
eventually will strangle her
just watch.
You reside on protective winds,
Waves she won’t honestly understand; and been denied.
Bringing peace to bruised souls deemed worth saving.
Left early to her own devices,
She questions helpful hands
Prefers avoiding disappointment, yet failed.
Forced to believe she’s meant to be alone,
Soul searching required, and left to wonder
Why life is the way it is.
Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister 