Appealingly Nonsensical

Watching snow fall, not blow, but spill beautifully as if paid to do so by Hollywood, I find myself smiling. We could have prayed for years and never received this gorgeous day. Hours of complete enjoyment were ahead. We needed the moisture, and I knew we were finally seeing it, so contentment overwhelmed my heart.
I recalled a conversation about precisely how many feet of snow it would take for an inch of rainfall – yet I can’t for the life of me remember what the amount was, and so I giggle. Typical Audrey. I used to have people around to remember those details.  I try not to allow any negative thoughts when I can’t recall useful data because this, some would see as irresponsible, is me. I’ll chalk it up to not necessary enough and move on with smirk across my lips.

I find pleasure scooping snow while snowflakes fall one after another, some bigger than others. Not a breeze to be found, curious how we don’t normally refer to the wind as a breeze in the wintertime, but somehow yesterday the lack of came to me as such, while I threw another scoop of white to my left. Life appearing so peaceful and possibly perfect.

While others wait to forge a path outside, I find serenity scampering about doing small things, all the while listening for nature to wake. Silly squirrel presses forward slowly and leaps for a nearby tree. I consider how useful a new bird feeder would have been this morning and silently scold myself for not making that a priority in September and all the months that followed. It appears I was successful in punishing myself, although I had no idea I would be doing so at the time. Kept from the enjoyment I find in watching for cardinals, but made a note to get a new one next time I was in town. We shall see.

I ponder the quiet outdoors and how well I can hear myself breathe. My mind is open to possibilities, and how easy life can is if we stop and just do what comes naturally. Maybe you find it nonsensical, but a winter storm energizes me. All my daily musts are replaced by the here and now – and I do so love living in the moment as there is less time to ponder the what ifs. My muscles are tender, yet my mind clear.

* Just some thoughts & a silly little picture of the before and after of yesterday’s snowfall. I adore how safe the green bush appears after the snow. One powerfully protected by the other, it seems. Love that.

Every Day – Haibun

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You hold my hand differently
Force these words away
Common sense tells me, ignore
Yet, I remember, every day

*****

“You shouldn’t share every word you write, caused by every feeling you have…”

“…but, if I wait until I can share perfection, even a valid effort, then I’d never share again.”

“How can you be okay with showing mediocrity?…”

“…It hadn’t occurred to me.”

“Surely, you notice where you fail.”

“I try not to think about it.”

“Honestly, none of this makes any sense, Audrey.”

“Thank you, for confirming.”

*****

Trust isn’t easy
Now do you understand why
 I want to believe

 

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~~
The photos shared with this Haibun are of the Devil’s Backbone Open Space, located just outside the northern end of the Rocky Mountain foothills, as you drive into Fort Collins, Colorado. You can read more about it here. Consequently, I did witness the largest rattlesnake I’ve ever seen while near this trail.

Keep in mind, I’m no photographer, I just wanted you to see more of this area of the world, and the topography it owns. Expressing myself here feels different, maybe I’m more in tune with who I am when I’m in Colorado. ♡

Happy Friday, Y’all.

Invested

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Designed fortress,
yet, I am not afraid.
Secluded
Unknown fears planted,
but, I welcome them.
Determined
You, pushing me away,
seemingly, draws me closer.
Zealous
Duration til discovery,
refuses to prevent me.
Willing
Walls surrounding you,
I love them, too.
Consistent
Calmly aware,
I could die this way.
Yearning
More frightening,
You’ll let me.
Yours

Sisterhood

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Sisterhood,
Together we are one.
I cannot deny your essence,
Nor could I ever measure beside,
But, just so we become verily clear,
Your existence now surrounding him:
Champion of versed rooted strength,
Provides my journey’s refinement.
I am you
You am I
Leaning into the remedy of his skin,
My eyes upon your desire to be close,
I witness your valuable life flourishing,
Becoming tolerant of your nearness,
Understanding why we’re both here,
I begin to care for you, as well.
Your presence nourishes me,
He, is pleased.

Tonight, This Is Who I Am

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Preparing for tonight,
Charcoal dress pressed,
Shoes red, high.
Silver jewels, a favorite,
My simple black scarf,
Crimson curls pinned back,
Yet teasing my neck.
Christmas party, downtown,
Minute Maid Park, banquet.
Will smell of testosterone,
And weaken my reserve,
Of this, I’m quite sure.
Best smile upon my face,
Dimples ready to play,
You’ll have it no other way.
Final wish for tonight,
Small of my back,
And your hand in place.
Quick look into my mirror,
Remembering who I am,
Just a small town girl,
Confident, yet amazed.

Proof

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I counted
You placed me in danger
Thirteen separate times
In two hours
Don’t tell me that you love me
When I know that’s a lie

***
I remember promising you guys that I would post a picture of the doodlings I sketch out, while waiting for words to arrive on paper. An epiphany occurred after I’d drawn this picture, then a poem created from a memory.

The picture is meaningless, well not the thirteen heavily drawn red tallies, it seems, which have permanently indented the next few pages of my tablet, but overall it’s just doodles.

What I’ve realized is that actions DO speak louder than words. Yes, this message has been heard a million times before, I know. Now, the missive is understood. Finally. Lack of protection will never translate into love. Not for me, anyway.