how can a poetess, such as I,
a writer of love,
her desire for it,
her continued search
of its perfection,
be asked to step away
from her attachment towards
its existence, so that she
might find her place in someone’s
world?
they don’t know me at all.
I
love
love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
its been all I can think about,
it’s all I knew to say,
it’s all my fault,
I’m to blame.
i could have just said,
i want to sleep with you.
can i climb in.
goodnight.
thank you, for seeing me.
i wish i could feel your touch.
tell me you’re pleased.
If I had known this is what you were prepared to hear…
I would have.
Because now, I’m just scared.
*once broken, surrendering love is never easy, but then sometimes thats all there is, an existence arrives and so we do.
A quick update.
I’m here when I want be sleeping like the women I envy, even though I know desire gets me nowhere.
I envy her the quiets breaths her He would listen for, as He watched making sure bad dreams didn’t interrupt the peaceful place He’d prepared.
Suppose she offers him the same sanctuary. I hope so.
Anyway, just wanted y’all to know why I’m in and out of WordPress. My father begins a new treatment for a whole new set of distractions.
I can’t be with him like I want to be, because of the responsibilities I have for my own little family. Dad understands and has my middle and baby sisters with him this month. However, you guys know I am unsettled with the arrangement.
I have moments where I feel like my best isn’t enough.
When I fail at being human and not fighting for what I need.
What does obtaining get us?
Maybe as we are is best.
We understand this as we are space. It seems to work. It isn’t ideal, but our needs are met, if they weren’t we would change.
Or would we?
Fear is a real emotion. It isn’t intended for us, but we let it in. We grasp fear thinking we can somehow live together.
We can’t. Not truly.
Embracing love or accepting fear is the choice we’re given.
Love and fear don’t really work together.
maybe writing this out will help me compartmentalize my thoughts
there are so many distractions as of late
The new year came in with swords drawn and a battle ensued
one I’m currently within
I’ve been rude to those around me when it was never my intention
maybe inside a daydream isn’t where I should reside, only making life worse
tangible moments, proof they exist, is where my heart currently lives
Faith begins and ends my day, serving makes sense inside my head
an inability to understand is fine, just accept me for who I am
all praise honor and glory be, yes to the Father,
and then it’s he.
He who is out there, slowly keeping pace
would begin and end my moments, but that’s only what I need.
no desire left to chase, fearful of ending back in a place where questioning motive and truth controls my each and every day.
does peace exist? are relationships worth creating…
me who’s father was gone too much, a mother who left all together
how do I believe this isn’t the pattern,
it’s happened, one after the other.
leaning into the belief, if love is meant to be
easing into a life alone, tending to sheep and children who are all too soon grown, where will I go?
Listening for the answers I know my God has planned, I pray I don’t mess this up
looking down at my empty hands.
knowing each and every piece given to me for care,
is one I’m made for and a joy to prepare.
pleasuring
opportunity
worldly joy
just try it
smile brought across the lips
now give it away
When you’re heartbroken
All you want is to be healed,
Given a chance
To love again.
Better.
Or do you just
Fuckin’ forget it,
And let the negative
Stain the paper
Forever.
***
My apologies for the curse word. The other choices I had failed to get my point across.
Your strong letters of disappointment can be filed under the letter F. 🤓
Even a Redheaded Poetess allows her firey side to have its way from time to time.
She began pastel pink, airy and light
a sense of normalcy.
Darling.
Placing herself gently upon wide open and encompassing blue.
Auspicious.
As if appearing for the sole purpose of approval, geese, in v formation, fly through.
Scene Highlighted.
Prophetic.
Vibrant, at the snap of his command.
Passion, becomes the color of morning.
Sacrafice
Creates tears,
Almost always.
The knowing
What’s best,
Hurts
When it isn’t
What’s been dreamt.
Adieu
Deserves a nod or
A chance at liberty.
Did the heart know?
Or do we now pray it did,
Because regret is so
Painful.
Be who you are
Show me how we’re okay
Like the darkest cloud
In a sky of blue
Prove to me
They’re beautiful, too.
A battle inside of me that I wanted to share. I think a lot of us can identify with what I’ve written. It’s okay to argue with God, the one who loves us the most. I love that He pushes me to strive for more and to believe in myself. I’m thankful He’s always with me.
**************
Just show me what You want
Is it my truest of feeling upfront
I feel you shoving me into a corner
Suppose I fear judgement, ridicule and opposing statements
Who will protect me from my own aberration
I feel You don’t care
You push me to write where I’m not arranged
Yes, of course, I notice what You’re shepherding
You think I’m ready, I’m naysaying
The thoughts in my mind I can’t identify
Truly brought on by the Divine
I sense Your agenda
I agree, what I feel captivates and rings true
What You don’t tolerate is this girl’s admittance to being frightened, too
Lost in thoughts of what this journey will allow
God, please come with me
A Pandora’s box of emotions will be used
I know, You know, I’m bruised
Twas it yesterday when those actions caused ruin?
A battle which seemed fated changed me forever
Because of you, now I must heal the deepest of wounds!
In order to show that Your faith in us rings true
How dare You strengthen me in Your own time!
I understand You think I’m primed
I’m forced to play catch up
Your Holy presence proves Divine
To question You, not my intention
I feel weakened by Your intervention
Through this I know it is for the best
A life’s quest
Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister 