Nothing

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Nothing connects, right now
Words narrowly escape deletion
With everything I have, I try
Not to find disgust, oozing
From my pores, which lack essence
Truthfulness and ability
I’m losing the battle, daily
Believing I am, nothing

I want you to know I am writing, but this is all that has come out the last few days.

The voices of self-doubt want me to believe them. I’m unloading a lot of self-hatred poetry, which I’m choosing to share, because if I don’t then they’ve won, right?

Disgraceful subject
Woman who has no esteem
I hear you laughing

***
Void of feeling again
Hypocrite looking for life
I cannot have you

***
Nothing but normal
Skies looking strangely the same
Difference screaming

***
I cannot force it
Ride the wave of indifference
Emotional mess

***
Pushing you away
Voices winning this battle
Immaturity
Pages of self-hatred found
Keeping me warm at night
Stupid woman, left believing
Voices, that have no name

***
She is unworthy
Nothing to offer, yet again
Finding my center

And the disgraceful poetry goes on and on and on…
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Creepy place to be
So I believe none of it
Yet, all, if I try

Thanks for reading, maybe the voices will feel the sucker punch I just threw at them and leave.

I’m sorry to have missed so many of your posts. Love you.

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76 thoughts on “Nothing

  1. Wow Audrey! You go girl! Give those screaming voices a good sucker punch or two. I know those awful voices and their all lies. Lies I tell you.
    Hope you’re feeling better.
    🙂

  2. The first sign of victory was writing this post, Aud. That was your initial haymaker, the punch to the gut of Lady Despair, the kick to the rump of Dame No Words. I am your corner man pushing you back out in the ring for the next round. Go get em, Red!

    • I’m no Rocky, Chum. *giggle* That was so awesome….of course, you slip in and push me back in. I can always count on you. Thanks for the laugh… Yeah, victory is around the corner, but frozen in negativity for three days was hell. I knew this morning when waking to calmer thoughts that I’d overcome the roughest moments. I didn’t want anyone worrying, so I thought I’d better speak up. I don’t really like showing the weak side of me too much. Yuck. But I know everyone has those moments eventually. Thanks for cheering me through mine. You’re one of the best, you know. ♡

  3. The void is hard
    The void is cruel
    Yet t’is not you
    That will loose.
    Dive in deep
    To find that Pearl
    For she is there
    Never you fear.

    Hang on, Audrey. I’ve been there. When you surrender, Peace will come. I promise. (((HUGS))) Amy

  4. I really don’t know what to add to what has been said so far, but do know that your poetry is appreciated and looked forward to. The fact that you are able to create something out of those feelings is amazing in itself.

    • Louis, thank you so much for that…wow. See, and you’re new around here so hearing that from you means a lot. You know, I write about love and being happy so much that I do try to take these very rare moments and go deep into places I never quite understand normally. It helps me become more apathetic, I suppose. I hope to be myself again soon.

      Thanks again… 🙂

  5. I do hate then the silence is deafening. I’ve been struggling with the same thing…little inspiration. Maybe its all part of the cycle. Maybe the quiet leads us to become quiet so we can hear that still soft voice once again. Do not be discouraged by the sinister whispers of doubt and self-depreciation. They are only trying to silence the Beauty that you are Sharing. Believe ON< Oh Beautiful One!! And Trust Us, if no one else. We KNOW 🙂

    ❤ Love and Peace in Bountiful Blessings my Sweet Friend ❤

    and if you need a shoulder do please feel free to email me 😉

  6. I hope you keep reminding yourself that these are all voices from outisde, from the present, from the past, they are not you. Just lock the door to your beautiful heart, so they won’t enter in there! ❤ It is good to express emotions, no matter how horrible they are, that is the way to let them out and let them go! 🙂 Lots of Love to you! ❤ ❤ ❤

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