Turning Point – May Show Vulnerability & Immaturity In Writer

“The scariest moment is always just before you start.” – Stephen King

I had to hand write an entire chapter the other day. Yes, an entire chapter, that’s what I said. It took me about seven hours and I have to say my hand cramped, a lot.

Tons. I am out of practice.

At one point, I had to physically straighten my finger due to it being stuck in a hook-like position. Then I had to hold my knee down, as it was shaking uncontrollably, because of the reaction to the discomfort I was feeling throughout my arm. I wrote the chapter out, because I had decided to work through the pain of my thoughts by creating pain somewhere else; or because our monitor suddenly went black and I didn’t know how to fix it so I took the pen to paper.

I love the first reason better, but honestly it was the latter.

What would that say about me if I’d decided to inflict a small amount of pain upon myself for the greater good of the story?

Hmm… Yea, thought so.

I’m at a rough point in the story I’m writing. I’ve agreed with myself (nice, I know) to be in a dark place in order to give the character the attention she needs. I’m thrilled to be at this point, but I’m also becoming aware of how it affects me.

Sadness

Sadness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am a sponge to emotion right now and clearly in need of some excuses to give up. To walk away from her, Amelia, and her lack of good judgement. We’re heading down a road together clearly marked for disaster and I hope she’ll survive. I’m invested in her path, agreeing with her choices so far and I’ve stayed with her a long time.

I don’t want to give up on her and I want to see this story through to the end.

So it disappoints me now that I can see the detour ahead and the grace she’ll need as she fights herself and her reality. I can see she’ll need her readers to forgive, understand and eventually believe in her once again.

She’ll go through guilt, a lot of it. I’m not sure she’ll get to where she needs to be to accept what is hers to take.

It saddens me to allow her to go.
To get on with it.
I keep telling myself that she’ll come back to me broken, but she’ll be back.
I have faith that her story does not end…
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5 thoughts on “Turning Point – May Show Vulnerability & Immaturity In Writer

    • Thanks, Brenda!!! You made my day with this nomination. I cannot wait to sit down this weekend and give a proper thank you. I so needed some sunshine today and I’m thrilled it was from you. I enjoyed your video by the way! Fish Laugh. You’re right, they do and I will forever look at them as laughers. I enjoy laughers and fish, so there is a beauty in them coming together.

    • Having the fish laugh was my oldest son’s idea. He cracks me up! And you’re right, I see the fish as laughing, too, now. 🙂

  1. Pingback: Oh Stop. On Second Thought…Don’t. | My OCD Diaries

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