I Will Remain

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I refuse to be
To be the girl who doesn’t
Who dosen’t show you
Show you what and who I am

Who I am, I adore
I adore what makes me, me
Me, me the woman who tries
Who tries to be everything

Be every thing, to everyone
To every one, sadly, I cannot
I cannot be all of perfection
Of perfection, unobtainable, so notice me

Notice me inspite of what I’m not
I’m not the lady I once thought
Once thought who’d always create
Always create the poetry I desire

I desire sharing my soul
My soul aches towards connection
Towards connection I find completeness
Find completeness within myself

Within myself there is growth
Is growth enough for me
For me, it must be
Must be the sun found rising

Found rising outside my window
My window, compass in the kitchen
The kitchen where I sense you
Sense you up against me

Against me and deeply breathing
Deeply breathing in my essence
My essense, an offer only for you
For you, I will remain.

To Worship Him

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imagine with me, if you will
red dirt dusted
upon his boots,
the chair otherworldly
a product of sturdy,
lean legs crossed
relaxed.
smokey eyes intent on
the crown of the moon
and sun before him
a sigh,
twilight.
aware of every shift, made upon his domain,
cheekbones defined
as he contemplates
his tomorrow.
I see him,
and all I need is to
worship him.

All The Feels Today

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Loving this song’s message on EVERY level this morning.

Oh how I miss this space. ♡

“Mommying” in every direction as of late. Working on being intentional.

Still have this fantasy of a white or dark knight who musters up and says, “I’m picking up this side of the box. Let’s roll.”

I see so much potential in the best of places, yet I’m drawn to Him. I pray its known.

Until then I do what needs done. Normal. Everyday. Girl.

Yours.

Ready To Receive

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Found atop a blanket of motley colors,
A woman born of divine design,
what does she dream of, they wonder.
Fairytales full of splendor,
Fantasies full of surrender,
Suddenly she remembers how to shine.
Caught inside in the textures of our earth,
and the weight of why we’re here,
inspiration returns.
Her eyes see what no one else has to find, she is happy to believe.
Her fingers willingly touch what others presumably mustn’t,
and her heart is open towards the clouds. She is ready to receive.

Isn’t it a wonder!

***
What I Would Have Shown You

Found

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And then there was light.

Those are someone else’s words,
but I felt them run through me,
a cleansing.
I watched in awe, as power
consumed nature.

In my time – is all I heard.

Then the storm moved in and surrounded me,
created a blindness towards
my search for understanding,
quite literally!

Washed in clouds,
cold air across my face,
red curls blowing everywhere,
and a giggle began from deep inside of me. Clouds!

Let him decide.

Change was here.


***
What I Would Have Shown You

What I Would Have Shown You

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inspiration doesn’t require
explaination,
when sat upon our souls
we transform. Recognized.

guidance welcome
acceptance voluntary

but, we strive to belong
somewhere or to someone
and in wanting we lose foundation. Consumed.

inspiration lost
desperation born

recognizing ourselves
and our vision
becomes impossible,
leaving the impetus expired.

***

An update and explaination for my words in this What I Would Have Shown You series can be found here: https://oldestdaughterredheadedsister.com/2019/08/10/an-update-new-series/

I hope you enjoy my journey. Your grace and patience while I sat growing has overwhelmed me.

Thank you for reading.

Apology

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I
I am
I’m just
I’m just sorry
I’m just so sorry
I’m just so
I’m just
I am
I

***
I’m sorry my words have been so dim as of late – for a long time now really. They’re lacking the beauty and happiness I swore I’d share when this site begin six years ago. There was sadness then and I wanted joy to survive the pain I felt, so I came here to teach myself to recieve happiness.

I’m going to do my best to share my light and the acceptance of myself again – the joy I know exists inside my heart. There is a little girl inside of me hurting something terrible. I owe it to her to show her beauty again, so I must try.

Not sure if it’ll be short stories as it was in the beginning (she likes those) or poems & photography, which aren’t perfect or winning any awards, but reflects what I see and feel. Bringing me much closer to love.

100 thank yous to those who still linger in my words. You are appreciated.

Hope to see you around,
Aud

Lacking The Sight of Me

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I hear regret in his voice
the mistake I was for him,

my soul aches in monochrome,
but yellow lives in bursts like Spring
and a Pink Ladies leafless show
I’ve seen purple, as if born from the eyes of kings,
and verdant in twilight’s glow.

the blues of Poseidon’s seas
and red from a rose;
white clouds in pristine,
and brown where life grows.
who wouldn’t want a girl like me

***

Been thinking a lot the last few minutes on how we teach toddlers the correct way to be social humans. The act of placing them in time out until they understand the lesson. Requesting they stay there until they’ve been told they’re allowed to rejoin the group.

We do the same sort of training on puppies, asking them to sit and stay until the command is given to release and enjoy.

Over a year ago I fell in love again. I fell hard for him. A future with someone had all the components needed to be successful, I truly believed. My mind is a beautiful place to be when love is the theme.

The qualities I look for/drawn to are simple.

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