Audrey Dawn, Stop Seeing The Good In Everyone!

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Okay, so am I the only one who’s forgotten that people watch and listen to what we say? I totally forgot. And they do! They really, really, really do! The people we live life with pay close attention. They’re even mindful of who we are and how we conduct ourselves. It’s a scary thought. It’s always good to find out that I’m being listened to and that friends are paying attention to what I have to say. I appreciate their thoughtfulness. Recently my simple words of encouragement got me singled out. I got a verbal hand slap. I was shocked! I was just conversing with the people around me when I was called out for routinely standing up for others.

It wasn’t gossip.

I refuse to call it that because I was being positive.

Apparently, I see the good in everyone. It’s a news flash people, sit up and take notice.

It was brought to my attention the other day. I’m still trying to make sense of it all. It seems that I come off as being a bit too positive and rational. This tragedy has allowed others to see the goodness inside the human beings we share life with daily.

Tisk tisk tisk!

Then to further perpetuate the situation,  I also have the audacity to then share everyone’s best qualities, unknowingly, to others when names come up. I guess the instigator sees me as entirely too positive.

Who do I think I am? Gesh, the nerve of myself.

I know, I’m sorry.

No, I’m not.

I just don’t see any other way. I’ve known a few Debbie Downers in my lifetime and I love’em. I tend to take them on as projects to some degree. I try to help them see the goodness that life has to offer and not the yuck of it all. I’ve listened to their ho hums and it makes me sad to hear that they aren’t enjoying much. It affects me and I want them to change. Life’s too short.

I wanna shout, “Grab the horns people, let’s go! We’ve got stuff to do and simply no time to do it in.”

I’m a positive person. I like to see the goodness in everyone else, shoot me right where I stand.

The woman who called me out on it is also an extremely positive person. Quiet frankly, I see her as the Positive Polly way more often than I see myself. I mean honestly, we both tend to wear those pretty Positive Polly pants as often as possible. So when she called me out I was shocked, yet then kinda proud of myself, cause I know what scurries around my brian most days.

I also see the annoying things that people do, the nutty way they live their lives and the choices that they make, but I can’t dwell on it. I have plenty of my own bad choices, so I refuse to start picking up sticks and poking eyes.

Does being so positive leave me vulnerable towards falling for anything? I suppose it does, but I’d like to think I see through muck. I was born with a keen ability for being able to shuffle through the B.S. My parents did not raise a fool. I’m happy to see the good in everyone and to pass your goodness on to others, but don’t be fooled. I am well aware of the shenanigans of others. I do my best not to judge.

It’s a daily reminder for me not to judge anyone. I’ve been on the other side of judgement and it hurts. I’ve taken what I’ve learned over the years and tried to make an effort to see commendable aspects of the people around me. I try to amplify their positive traits in hopes that they will hear of it. My hope is that they’ll then try harder to be the person I know they truly are. I suppose in the end I do wear pretty Positive Polly pants a lot, it could be worse.

I’ve Got To Empty My Brain

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Well I’ve gone and done it again, folks. I’ve put myself right smack dab in the middle of poetry writing pandemonium. I went forward with a decision I now see was made in haste, yet I feel compelled to let it ride at this point.

In a weak moment the other night I decided to go for it. I became part of a critique group. I’ll be sharing my poetry, some so raw you won’t see it here, but I feel a need for feedback. (Let me know if you’re interested.)

Well well well, feeling brave are we? You could say that or you could chalk it up to seriously bad judgement. I fear it’s a bit premature.

Can I be perfectly honest? This stuff is fighting to come out.

If you’re feeling the urge to make a run for it, I would. I’d do it now. Things could get a little scary around here for a while. There will still be a lot of other writing going on, but I’ve given you fair warning that there may be more poetry. Mostly, because I can’t make it stop.

I’ve packed a bag. It consists of:

* Tissues

*CDs of 80’s Big Hair Bands (Mostly because I can’t get past the guitars, I play a mean air guitar. Guilty.)

*ZZ Top’s Rough Boy on CD ~ constant replay (guitars…)

*My Bible (any guitars in there?)

*Books (to share which ones may reveal more than you care to know)

*LOTS of Emotion (I’ve got voices who’ve been cooped up inside of me for a long time. I think they’ve taken over and agreed to this nonsense, now that I have time to reflect.)

*A Lack of Better Judgement

*Honesty

*Truth

~ Of You

Forces of the unknown, I keep you close;

Feel the push and pull, it’s all self-inflicted.

I read then reread words, admiring your clarity.

Speaking clever exchanges, my mind blissfully addicted,

This fresh interest continues, yet anonymity.

I pursue musing thoughts, here, here and here;

An affinity of the best kind, creatively defined.

*Let me try and explain what I tried to do. If you read from the left and to the comma, then from the left again to the comma and on down, it’s an anticipated daily process. Then if you read from the comma and over, then the comma and over again, and on down its…well, it is what it is. Finally, together, for me, it makes it whole.

An Epic Journey ~ The Frio River

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The Frio River spoke to me every morning as I stepped outside. It encouraged me to sit and reflect on its beauty as it lent an old tree root for a stool.

I waited for a lesson.

Later, the river taunted me for a walk. While it seemed I was learning how to choose each step slowly, reality told me, Frio was teaching me how to get back up, as I fell time and time again.

I screamed at Frio. I grabbed a tube to float on, giving Frio the control, why did Frio have to be so difficult?

Once again, Frio spoke to me letting me know I hadn’t mastered walking yet, so again I found myself learning how to get back up after walking it’s stoney and abusive path.

Frio witnessed my laughter as it flowed faster and then quieted through my tears, as I fought with its existence. We left not friends exactly, but we’ll try again.

Oldest Daughter-
Redheaded Sister

~Thank You, for indulging me this week. I enjoyed our walk down memory lane. I hope you laughed, possibly learned a little something about me too.~

An Epic Journey ~ Part 3

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(Hey! Welcome! First, march over and read Parts 1 & 2. You have no idea what we’ve been through…)

Them’s fighting words, so I spat back with, “Yeah, well….so what.” She was right. She was still hopeful. She was still crackin’ jokes. 😉

I got nothin’.

This was hard work and we hadn’t floated all but about a half a mile total and we’d been out here three hours, at least. We had walked and walked and walked some more. Did I mention we also carried our tubes? The children were still floating on and off, for the most part, and giggling along. The adults were pulling and carrying tubes. Mostly we were walking over river rocks in shin deep water regretting our idea.

Now and again, a group of people would come by, most of them walking and pulling each other, but at a much faster pace than our crew. They obviously had better shoes or some sort of slime retardent on the bottom of last years Nikes, which kept them from braking their knees.  Continue reading →

An Epic Journey ~ Part 1

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The tubes were rented and the sunscreen had been applied, we were ready for the float trip of our lives….

~ The events that are about to unfold are being told from the best of my memory. Some events I’ve blocked out, others are still raw and most of the ones which offer up the nocturnal nightmares are being dealt with appropriately, with tequila.

It had been a great vacation with friends. The open air was surrounding us and we had been appropriately lazy for three days straight. If we weren’t doing a quick load of laundry or whipping up something for the kids to eat, we were sitting in the Frio River water. When you didn’t find us there you could usually locate us up the street, possibly looking for souvenirs, buying ice for the coolers or picking up a pecan pie from the sweetest old woman inside a hut. Someone should write a book about her one day. She’d beat the pants off the Old Woman who lived in a shoe or Old Lady who swallowed a fly. This was the Old Grandmother who made pie.  Continue reading →

She Waits With Music

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“The Theme you play at the start of a number is the territory,

and what comes after, which may have very little to do with it,

is the Adventure!” – Ornette Coleman

She Waits With Music

by: Audrey Dawn

Patrons walked by her.  They paused to take a look, but then chose to move on, often times with a glance back, as if  wondering whether she’d be okay. Yes, it was late and she’d been there awhile listening to the light leftover sounds of the imaginative and free style jazz music coming from Basie’s place. A woman isn’t normally out by herself on a street full of dark alleys; short streets filled with dirty puddles which contain the smells rejected by most. She couldn’t allow herself to go inside the bar.

What if she missed him walking by that corner over there or there. Her eyes drifted side to side. She’d decided that the open air, coupled with waiting close by, would allow her to see each visitor who enjoyed this part of town. This time of night. Ambrosia knew she shouldn’t wait outside alone, yet she’d told herself she’d engage in the hopes of finding him. Continue reading →

Pug Dog

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Pug Dog
(Somewhat In the tune of Annie’s, Dumb Dog)

Pug Dog, why are you snoring?

Pug Dog, you’re sleeping more than me.

You snore at my feet, Pug.
You snore between my sheets, Dog.

Pug Dog, why are you following me?

On my lap you sit and snore, Pug.
You lay on more than half of our couch, Dog.

Pug Dog, why are you stalking me?

I can’t run away, Pug.
You snore throughout the day, Dog.

Pug Dog, you can stop snoring at any time.

Pug Dog….. STOP!

A day in the life with Oldest Daughter & Redheaded Sister and Pug Dog (Oscar)

Call To The Post; But, Oh Look, a Squirrel

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It’s finally quiet and I can write in peace for the Daily Prompt: A Bend in Time.

The hum of the television is on in the background. Thankfully, it’s just the right amount of noise to persuade me to tune out the world and gather my thoughts.

I hear Robin William’s voice in the air as the house catches his premier episode.

Side Note:

Is he still funny? I’m torn. There are moments, while listening to his voice, that remind me of the days when he was spot on in his delivery. Now, I’m thinking it’s mostly forced and I’m not really into it.

Okay, bye.

Thanks for trying. (as the door slams OR the mouse clicks the X) Sorry, Robin. RV is still a family favorite.

For those of you who can’t agree with me, but can’t count my opinion out either, I thank you. Thank you for allowing me a little more time to convince you to continue reading.

I promise there must be something in this rambling brain of mine that wants to be heard. I know this because it’s been a few days since my fingers felt like race horses. Yeah, lately I’ve been housing ten little race horses that love to get out and run.

Literally, since this afternoon, I’ve sat down at the computer atleast six times. I’ve giggled at a lot I came across on WordPress, enjoyed some very thoughtful posts or pictures, and sat in awe while listening to a particularly smart story.

Anyway, I’d sit here at my desk and allow my fingers to start rubbing the keys. Then they’d bounce with the featheriest of clicks. I hadn’t actually given the green light to allow enough pressure to make the letters appear on the screen, but I could feel it coming. Can you picture it? My fingers just lightly diddling along waiting to be told it was time.

My ears waiting for the, Ding!

Do you have that visual of the little black horse, too?

You know the one. He’s the horse a few of us love to bet on when we’re attending the Kentucky Derby for the first time.

Or maybe that was just me.

Horse racing event

Horse racing event (Photo credit: tpower1978)

He’s the long shot horse that seems to shine as bright as the sun, he has muscles that twitch with excitement as he hears the familiar crowd around him. He’s the animal no one will see coming or sadly he’d been counted out long before race day. Quietly, he’s proven that he’s up for the challenge and worthy of attention.

He’s ready to do his job, he’s ready to race.

I can actually see him trying to climb over the gate. That little swinging door, which is the only piece of material that holds him back from running, from charging forward, with all his might, eagerly approaching the goal they, the horse and his people, had been working towards. The gate holds him back, he snarls with frustration and something narley comes out of his nostrils after hearing, from behind him, that he’ll need to wait a bit longer….

Yeah, that was me. Each time I sat down to write my thoughts something else came up and I’d have to wait.

All of it was valuable, I don’t want to complain in the least, but truthfully they were all distractions. Work, my husband, children, friends, creative blog posts, jaw dropping videos spewing creativity filled with arrangements which further my interests, they all got in the way, yet I welcomed them.

Great distractions, I can’t stress that enough.

Nevertheless, when Friday gets here I’m just itching to get to the screen for some extra uninterrupted writing. Possibly, some coffee shop journaling should be done and mostly a lot of expected research about how I could/would/should improve my abilities is required.

Now that’s a list in itself, so I try not to get too worked up about how far behind I am or when waiting is the only option. Heaven help me if speculations find their way into my thoughts. Thoughts of how elementary my musings seemingly are compared to other seasoned writers.

We all go there once and a while and just thinking about some of it makes my skin crawl. I have to fight off my feelings of throwing in the towel.

I mean, seriously!

Okay, one more Side Note: (pause for my, the crazy lady’s, rant)

How is it that I’ve known this woman for, Oh, I don’t know… how long???… and I’m just NOW learning that she’s an inspiring local writer and someone I could have been talking to all along! Okay, I’m seriously crawling out of my skin about this discovery.

Honestly, we all know from past posts, I’d never actually talk reasonably or rationally about my dreams with her, but wow, I’m stunned, silenced and, actually, I have a bit of a crush on her now. She’s doing what I want to do and she does it effortlessly well.

See this is the reason why she’s multi-talented and I’m just here trying to find someone who wants to read this post. It all really just makes so much more sense now. She walks around in our circle of friends just radiating loveliness, peace, grace and normalcy, which is why I always react to her fondly. However, I should have also listened to myself when I wondered about what she did for a living, all the while blocking it out, because the right thing to do was to wait for her to mention it.

Anyway….blah blah blah…she’s the real deal. Love her.

I’m a hot mess. I can’t even find time to edit work a bit more thought-provoking for you tonight.

Y’all are stuck with this mess. Thanks for seeing this post through til the end. Now I just wanna go back to reading about someone else’s awesomeness.

My ten race horses apparently only needed to prance around a bit and then requested we head back to the stables for bed.

Tomorrow’s breakfast is rumored to be fit for Champions. So, there’s hope yet my friends.

A Reading Nightmare

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My other half left, again. I don’t mean my spouse, if any of  you were suddenly reaching for your phone. Let’s not get crazy! What I meant to say is, my other personality, no that’s not right either.

Oh, I’m painting a fantastic picture.

What I”m trying to say is that the reader in me has left, again. She does this from time to time, and I hate her for it, as it seems she has no respect for my attachment issues. She waltzes in at the beginning of the summer and starts pulling books off the shelf at the local library. She actually gets there early and finds time to sit on the floor of the new book section with a few rolls of Smarties and starts a running list.

Continue reading →

My ‘No Matter What’ Friends

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Do you have people in your life who enrich it to the point that it begins feeling disingenuous? I have been considering this for some time now. I have been blessed with some of the most encouraging friends and for the life of me I don’t know why. I don’t feel like I have returned their encouragement as well as they have given it out. I often walk away wondering, what I’ve done to deserve their love and acceptance.

Continue reading →

Can’t This Book Take a Hint?

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I’m not gonna lie, it’ll be a stretch to say I’m super pumped about writing today.

Let me clarify one thing first. I feel a strong need to write. I want to write about the two books I’ve read in the last four days and how they’ve made me feel after finishing each of their final pages. This is, without a doubt, the topic I’d love to discuss, but I can’t.

My mind won’t let me, it keeps taking me back to the one slow moving book I cannot seem to finish, but I feel devotion towards obligated to.

The Paris Wife by Paula McLain left me wanting to dive into Ernest Hemingway’s life, but I can’t make myself post about it right now.

Then I read the Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory, it left me sick to my stomach for Tudor England, yet it motivates me to read another Gregory novel soon. How come I can’t find it within myself to talk about a book I finished last night and woke up thinking about today?

I’ll tell you why, because I have a third book which holds my attention and not in a good way.

some old books i found in the guest room. =] Continue reading →

Turning Point – May Show Vulnerability & Immaturity In Writer

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“The scariest moment is always just before you start.” – Stephen King

I had to hand write an entire chapter the other day. Yes, an entire chapter, that’s what I said. It took me about seven hours and I have to say my hand cramped, a lot.

Tons. I am out of practice.

At one point, I had to physically straighten my finger due to it being stuck in a hook-like position. Then I had to hold my knee down, as it was shaking uncontrollably, because of the reaction to the discomfort I was feeling throughout my arm. I wrote the chapter out, because I had decided to work through the pain of my thoughts by creating pain somewhere else; or because our monitor suddenly went black and I didn’t know how to fix it so I took the pen to paper.

Continue reading →

A Place to Exist

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My Protagonist’s First Thoughts, a Daily Prompt…

Old Water Well

Old Water Well (Photo credit: dagnyg)

I know how I got to where I am today. Within me is an old abandoned well, dark and lonely. Sadly, I’d witnessed no sign or hope that water had been here, maybe not even a long time ago. I am aware that there is nothing positive about my well, we won’t find dampness here, yet it is my place to exist for now.

This was not once a wishing well, either. I’m not standing on someone else’s wishes made of silver or copper coins, which would have been tossed in with the belief that wishes came true. So nothing lost, but yet nothing gained. A relief for the hopeful. How sad for me.

This dry, old and forgotten well had found me and not the other way around. It’s too bad, really; wells with forgotten coins full of wishes, or the dampness of a working water well, would have given me hope.

I would have liked there.

How many times do you say thank you for something you’re not thankful for?

My Goals? Off to Heaven in a Wheelbarrow, That’s Where.

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My problem is that I wanna be funny, too. I tried, I set myself up to try.

But I can’t. So now I’m pissed, I’m annoyed and most importantly, I’m disappointed.

I set out yesterday to do something fun, a pick me up, so I could be witty today. I wanted to create a post that produced laughter for all of my readers. I wanted to show that I can be ever so sweet, nice and funny, too.

Yesterday, I set goals for today’s post.

  1. I was going to encourage others to smile.
  2. I was going to spark creative goals for a fellow blogger.
  3. I was going to poke fun at myself for another’s enjoyment.

I haven’t written ‘funny’ yet. I’ve been too busy working through my reasons for hesitation. Continue reading →