All The Feels Today

Loving this song’s message on EVERY level this morning.

Oh how I miss this space. ♡

“Mommying” in every direction as of late. Working on being intentional.

Still have this fantasy of a white or dark knight who musters up and says, “I’m picking up this side of the box. Let’s roll.”

I see so much potential in the best of places, yet I’m drawn to Him. I pray its known.

Until then I do what needs done. Normal. Everyday. Girl.

Yours.

Basically, Just Me

I have nothing else to give
Basically, just me
I have nothing worth any consequence
Basically, just me
I have nothing new
Basically, just me
I have nothing
Basically, just me
Too basic? Maybe.
Or too much me?

***

What I Would Have Shown You

Breathe

I recognize how important a view like this could be for those seeking.

Deep breath, reminding me of how little we really are comparably.

How creation is here for a purpose and is depended upon.

And instead of sitting in awe, over its splendor,

I morn.

I caught a glimpse of what my soul really needed, felt my head finally clear, rooted in my deepest beliefs and wanted to stay.

Why would God show me and then pull it away.

Defeated.

Too much still depends on me. I can’t give up.

Breathe the azure
Smell the verdant
Touch the pristine

Let go of this grief.

***
What I Would Have Shown You

An Update & New Series

I laugh at how easily I ignore my inner voice. I am such a brat. Not that negative voice telling me I’m not good enough (I dislike her very much.), but the one warning me. The consistant kicking in the pants telling me to pay attention.

I listen clearly when danger is near and she has helped me. All other areas of life are ignored until I finally get hit with what I’m choosing to over look.

Seems by that point it’s too late for me to ignore my direction, because it’s hard to avoid the obvious. This is when I get hurt. If only I would listen to her pleas.

My body knows, my eyes see and my heart recognizes all inconsistencies, so why not allow them to do their job.

My voice. Why do I ignore her?

As I reflect in my review, she’s been spot on and she’s saved me from a lot of hurt.

I just don’t want to believe negative exists. I easily get lost inside wishing for what I want to happen because I believe goodness prevails in any situation.

Silly, Audrey.

I can trust myself.

I need to trust my voice.

I adore Lauren’s new song. Listen for me. This is where my clarity was found.

I just left Colorado a few weeks ago. The Rockies looked just like the mountains in her video. I feel like this video is for me.

Audrey, love yourself.

Geez, how many times have I read this over the years.

I get it now, if I don’t call out what doesn’t make sense how do I know whether or not I’m being too hard on myself.

I love my voice.

I hope you find my new series enjoyable. I’ve not done a series of poetry posts connected to one another so intimately, so this is super fun for me. And incredibly important moving forward.

I’m excited.

Watch for:

What I Would Have Shown You

Have a wonderful weekend!

– Aud

My Mess

essence everywhere
sliding, slowly, before me
found beauty, lifeless
and myself sat searching.
water breaks past roots, stones and debris
flows towards my lense; healing.
Chortles echo in the distance,
oh, one day love will be,
Verdant , my keeper – Forest King
show me where life will lead,
tears dampen this face, and my page,
Colorado heal me,
God, show me grace.

Uninhibited Reply

when I wrote to him
He wasn’t a stranger,
many would have assumed otherwise
’twas as if I’d known him
all my life.
no ideas of where he’d been
or what he looked like
just a simple understanding
he was broken, working
and incredibly wise.

so much of what felt like home
was his on the daily, but
consequently
still pictures of my childhood, were opened up by him and shown
to other people I
I didn’t know.
written by a man who knew me already
yet barely was the reality,
if at all actually,
oh, how it resonated with me so.

it being his voice, I hadn’t heard,
but my mind understood
my heart longed to be near,
these hands feared, for the touch
of his skin would be too much,
mine eyes surely would tease how
not a man such as him,
could ever understand a girl like me.

yet he is within me,
upon a heartbeat I no longer recognize.
conspicuous am I about
these cries of longing
living on shaking fingertips
of a poetess,
who believes she’s found a way
to feel complete,
but who would agree.

Lacking The Sight of Me

I hear regret in his voice
the mistake I was for him,

my soul aches in monochrome,
but yellow lives in bursts like Spring
and a Pink Ladies leafless show
I’ve seen purple, as if born from the eyes of kings,
and verdant in twilight’s glow.

the blues of Poseidon’s seas
and red from a rose;
white clouds in pristine,
and brown where life grows.
who wouldn’t want a girl like me

***

Been thinking a lot the last few minutes on how we teach toddlers the correct way to be social humans. The act of placing them in time out until they understand the lesson. Requesting they stay there until they’ve been told they’re allowed to rejoin the group.

We do the same sort of training on puppies, asking them to sit and stay until the command is given to release and enjoy.

Over a year ago I fell in love again. I fell hard for him. A future with someone had all the components needed to be successful, I truly believed. My mind is a beautiful place to be when love is the theme.

The qualities I look for/drawn to are simple.

Continue reading

I’m In Love

I’m in love with being in love.
There’s nothing I have visioned for myself that excites me more.

I hear laughter
Eye squints as their sparkle escapes
I feel that upon my face.

Silly grins
Dimples no longer hidden within
The true marking of contentment
And its offer of grace.

The best of friends welcoming
Challenges – happy endings -frustrations.
Holding hands, connecting spirits
Building a firm foundation.

Take me there, widen the span of
Love’s true existence
Birth the eve of beginnings
And wrap me in the arms of the one
Who needs me.

Too much?

Listening to this on repeat today. And then my daily reading has me brought to tears. (As does much of what I’m reading today. A message is supposed to get to me, I think.

It has me focused on the last three words.

What woman doesn’t want to hear this from the man she’s devoted to? I cling to the idea love like this exists. I’m a hopeless romantic and a sucker for true devotion.

Pitiful Girl.

Adding the entire reading, as it might be helpful to another.