Not Your Fault

Not your fault, I often question

Not your fault, I’m broken

Not your fault, you couldn’t ever understand my uncertainty.

Not your fault, my trust is hard to gain.

Not your fault, when often I’m distant or confused,

Not your fault, my conversation skills.

Not your fault, I’m used to my own silence

Not your fault, I don’t know which way to turn

Not your fault, I can’t process receiving concern

Not your fault, I discipline myself

Not your fault, I stay in control

Not your fault, I’m a soft shouldered girl.

Not your fault, I can’t talk

Not your fault, I come from two parents who were lost

Not your fault, I need so much

Not your fault, I feel less than

Not your fault, I can’t make it easy,

Not your fault, you deserve a Queen


Slow down dear heart
You have but one body
A single mind for consuming
What’s my rush
I can’t learn it all
Hearts beat rapidly
Bodies urge
A mind craving details
I want, I need, I believe
Striving towards excellence
Heart quickening
Hands shaking
Mind alive, perceiving
Are these three deceiving me
I may know nothing
Heart slows
Hands rest
Mind goes back to dreaming
Stopping myself
My own worst enemy

Gray Clouds of Doubt


I see you there little leaf in the tree,

Are you hanging there to scare me?

I can’t quiet seem to figure you out,

Maybe you’re here to distract or calm my doubts?

Why do you continue to hold on?

Don’t you know all the others have gone?

Do you see a future that others did not see?

Why would you choose to wait with me?

Being left alone does not frighten this lady, only strengthens, I believe.

Go along and find the others, I see them all waiting curiously.

Don’t trouble yourself with lingering here now, honestly