Vicious Season


Tornado season arrives to greet us,
Lost in thoughts of neon green.
Wind, rain and an eerie calmness,
Consumes our dark afternoon hour.
Content that I’m where I should be,
Mother Nature unleashes her power.
Siren blows, to the basement we go,
Relieved to know God’s protecting.
Stay calm, Big Brother is watching,
Our vicious and swirling Nebraska sky.
Three sisters grew up trusting him,
Today proves nothing has changed.
Fire Chief’s job begins, as we wait,
We love our big brother, please keep him safe.
I wrote this poem during my first weekend in Nebraska. Mid June weather at its finest, my friends. We’re all fine and the destruction was minor for my hometown. (Weeks earlier the destruction much more severe.) The clouds, however, unforgettable.

Elusive You


Quietly, I approach the black night
Looking for a glimpse of elusive you
Never far away, yet always out of sight
I crave your flighty essence, my dear

Leaning into who I believe you are
I wait patiently for you to arrive
Shadows lurking beneath the water
I sense that you are incredibly near

Elusiveness keeps your heart beating
Day dwellers will never be your type
However, I’ve seen you rise for me
Your calmness soothes irrational fears

Some would push to cage your spirit
Others have threatened your home
I’m merely looking for a way inside
The mind I can’t seem to leave alone

Eerily the stalwart wind begins to blow
I’m reminded, night comes before light
Quickly you change your path’s course
I’m left to marvel over once in a lifetime



I try to write
Yet, nothing comes
Too much uncertainty
Consumes my thinking
I’m left with nothing to feel
Come to me, my muse
You know what to do
I’ve nothing to give
Living in darkness
However, it all runs through me
Their pain
His fear
Her joy
Your love
My desire
I’ve nothing left to offer
Come get me
Make them all go away
Allow me to lose myself in you

Force Me: My Marks Are Fading (Dark Poetry)


Keeping track of every moment
My body reacts,
To your emotions
Tonight I’m asking for darkness
Intrigue me
Honor my request
Lesser men haven’t
They’ve kept me in a tangled mess
I’m demanding you challenge
Don’t think me afraid
Do you see how my marks fade
I have an urgency to feel
No, I won’t hold your hand
Once and a while a lady will command
I assume this will make you mad
I’m counting on that
I know what you’re thinking
She has no idea what she’s requesting
I’ve learned a few rules
This personality,
Since I was fifteen
Tonight, a monster I’m craving
In the end, do it sweetly
I want you to push back
Crush me
Control me
Center me
Take me
Force my feelings out

Crimson Queen

Dark footsteps sounding
A calmness overtakes
You’re coming
Release me
I’m begging
Allow her to breathe
Your power
I’m ready
Take all of me
Invite her senses
Welcome her inside
I’m ready
By agreeing
Your world will change
Stay impressionable
It would behoove you
Yet, I’m ready
My name on your lips
Princess of Darkness
How little you truly know
My dear, my love
I see my throne
Make room
I’m ready
I will
Command your lips
You will
Identify my new name
The Crimson Queen
In all her beauty


As soon as I’d written my angel’s conversation with God. My hand wrote this:

Don’t let go
Hold on
Stuff it
All inside

You look crazy
Dumb one
Yes, you, woman

Audrey, listen
You are alone

Stay where it feels safe
Minding your own
Feel my control?

Just so we’re clear I don’t believe this to be true. Allowing myself to post this has given me the upper hand with darkness.

Yesterday’s Today

I saw you
You, beautiful
Handsome, really
Shoulders out
Eyes sparkling
To God’s green
Everything beautiful
Yet, not me

Your abilities
Capturing life’s impossibilities
Proving their existence
A beautiful world
Never faltering

Yet, inside today
You scream
Towards me
Forcing me to believe
Darkness lives
Accusing me unworthy
Of your eye’s view
I could have saved you
Yesterday’s Today, denying

A Letter

I ran today. I ran as far as these long legs would take me. Over hills, through busy streets and even through water, I ran. I still couldn’t hide my thoughts of you. Climbing the hills wasn’t easy.  Every mountain I’ve had to climb recently, for you, is to blame.

Energies spent keeping myself together to look pretty and talk honestly was time wasted on you. Each moment I felt like walking made me push through, because I still hear your words telling me I’ll never do. Never be good enough, yes, this may be true, but I will always choose to disagree.

When I returned from my journey a shower I craved. Not you, a shower, I know that disappoints your power, strong man. I tried to allow the hot water to ease my pains. Relax the muscles I’ve already gained by running from you. I scrubbed the smell of the energy I spent on you off my body, I found myself, focusing on my face.

I hate each freckle placed on my skin. They won’t come off no matter how much I scrap. I blame you. You didn’t see this flawed skin as beauty, only as a redheaded cutie. Oh yeah, my hair, your favorite part, you prefer it long this I know. So do I, but I cut it short, yes this was my way of controlling you.

Unfortunately, the act of cutting my hair short became a conquest for you. One you loved to defeat. I never liked how owning you felt, so I allowed my curls to grow long once again. Feeling relieved that I, finally, felt like me.  I regret not telling you that it was all for not.

When I dressed today it wasn’t for you. I’ll admit, recently it had been my motovation. Which set of concealment for under my clothes would I have wanted to reveal for you, if the opportunity found me. I chose the top to match the bottom, often black and mostly lace, never because I liked the feeling. Always for you, in hopes that you’re dreaming of me.

Not today, I dress for me I can’t imagine caring about what you need. This is for me, you know, what I chose to conceal my breasts in today. The fabric is soft and it soothes me.

I am a woman.

I choose what’s best for me.

I know you like these black boots,  but so do I. I’ve always worn them for me. Never for you, that’s the best part of my story. When you thought I was under your impression, silly boy, in truth wearing these boots made me feel free. I got my way. The leather is soft and I prefer it, so the jokes on you. I liked keeping it that way. Yes, same with my jeans. Damn, they look good on me.

Ha! I can sense your need to scream. Too bad you’re so far away. I’m sitting here pretty and confessing. I concur, the blue jeans sit well on me. I am a woman. You can’t decide for me, if I choose to be sexy then that’s all on me. I score the points, take the heat, you don’t receive any of the rewarding.

My desire to write this today should create pride inside of me. I sound so strong and proud of where you’ve left me. The problem is that it was I who left you. Not the other way around, yes, this will come as quite a shock.

I push everyone away. Silly boy. Stupid boy, I’m sorry. You can’t chain me in. Yet, you never really tried. I’m wild. I’ve been a pawn for love before. My pain owned me. I won’t ever go back. I spent my childhood locked inside craving love. What I learned there was that no one proved they were worth all of me.

Protect me, first, I must. No one has the power needed to break me. Giving of myself, well, weakness of the worst kind. A strong man willing to fight, he may not exist.

You think you can ride me? I’ll knock you down. I have perfect timing. Stay clear and walk to the side. You’ll never be inside this mind. Enjoy me when I’m on display. I know you crave my laughter and pleasing ways. Relish them when you can, because they never stay. I warned you. Eventually, you listened. Now you’re a pile of rubble. I blame myself. You’re a good man. I’m a beast. Run from me.

I ran today to out run you. I think it’s clear now. I run to run away from me, too.

I’m broken. And I love you.

Celebrate Women ~ We’re Complicated