Appealingly Nonsensical

Watching snow fall, not blow, but spill beautifully as if paid to do so by Hollywood, I find myself smiling. We could have prayed for years and never received this gorgeous day. Hours of complete enjoyment were ahead. We needed the moisture, and I knew we were finally seeing it, so contentment overwhelmed my heart.
I recalled a conversation about precisely how many feet of snow it would take for an inch of rainfall – yet I can’t for the life of me remember what the amount was, and so I giggle. Typical Audrey. I used to have people around to remember those details.  I try not to allow any negative thoughts when I can’t recall useful data because this, some would see as irresponsible, is me. I’ll chalk it up to not necessary enough and move on with smirk across my lips.

I find pleasure scooping snow while snowflakes fall one after another, some bigger than others. Not a breeze to be found, curious how we don’t normally refer to the wind as a breeze in the wintertime, but somehow yesterday the lack of came to me as such, while I threw another scoop of white to my left. Life appearing so peaceful and possibly perfect.

While others wait to forge a path outside, I find serenity scampering about doing small things, all the while listening for nature to wake. Silly squirrel presses forward slowly and leaps for a nearby tree. I consider how useful a new bird feeder would have been this morning and silently scold myself for not making that a priority in September and all the months that followed. It appears I was successful in punishing myself, although I had no idea I would be doing so at the time. Kept from the enjoyment I find in watching for cardinals, but made a note to get a new one next time I was in town. We shall see.

I ponder the quiet outdoors and how well I can hear myself breathe. My mind is open to possibilities, and how easy life can is if we stop and just do what comes naturally. Maybe you find it nonsensical, but a winter storm energizes me. All my daily musts are replaced by the here and now – and I do so love living in the moment as there is less time to ponder the what ifs. My muscles are tender, yet my mind clear.

* Just some thoughts & a silly little picture of the before and after of yesterday’s snowfall. I adore how safe the green bush appears after the snow. One powerfully protected by the other, it seems. Love that.

Mother & Son – Really?

A Day In The Life…

On Independence Day, while sitting in the pool, my twenty-one year old son was studying my face. After a while, it seemed I realized I was being watched, so he swam in closer, invading my personal space, giving me a big hug. (Offensive linemen give big hugs on and off the field.)

Now.

Between you and I, I know he sees me aging, and it’s making him feel a little sad. So I held my breath, as I looked up at him,  in anticipation of the words I saw forming inside his mind through those crystal blue eyes of his.

I mean, I can acknowledge the fact I am getting older, but “outta the mouths of babes”, one never does know how those words will hit the ego. *giggles*

A few hours before, he had picked up one of my curls and made that *awwww* sound, which I can easily translate for him to mean, “Your hair is graying.”

After the sweet wet swimmy hug and the “I love you,” I hear this as he smirks and gazes down at me – (his girlfriend is suffering, I assure you *smirk* )

He said, “Momma, you have freckles on your lips…”

…as if he’d never really studied me before today. He’s an intellectual and, with complete faith, loves me unconditionally.

To which I replied,

“Hi, I’m your mother. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

I suppose I’ll add this exchange to the swimming moment we have from when he was 5 years old.

What is it with he and I and summer swim time?!

“Momma, your arms with all those freckles (motions up and down my arms) looks like a beautifully baked cheese pizza.”

My reply to our hysterically laughing group of friends,

“I guess it’s time for lunch.” ♡

Happy Belated 4th of July hope you enjoyed yours as much as I enjoyed mine!

The Climb

despite what looms around her,

the past
the expectations
the privilege
the power
the beauty
the silence
she chooses to try.


she begins at the bottom,
alone – yet, her
confidence is exposed as petals stretch.
amethyst her signature,
and starlet her pose,
the climbing inevitable, but
she’s worth it,
and you know.

Yours, Audrey

Nebraska’s Emerging Writers – An Anthology

Two years ago I was approached by a publishing company and asked if I would be interested in submitting a short story for an anthology being created by Z Publishing House.

I submitted a story I had shared many years ago and it was accepted.

The head space I was in at the time didn’t allow for traditional excitement over the process, nor did it increase my personal productivity for having been asked.

When the anthology shipped to my house, instead of authentic joy over my name being included with other writers, I chose to pretend the publishing didn’t happen and hid my face.

I didn’t and don’t receive compensation for having been included, however, this process started something else entirely.

Soon, friends, very soon. ♡

Our Story Is Over

Not a simple fix is it?
Lost somewhere between,
I’ll figure this out,
And just let it be.

Frustration
Manipulation
Disgust

This and it, being you,
Or us, and what didn’t work,
Even after trying.

Lies
Making up
Continually

Long gone are the days,
Of make believe,
Playing house,
And happily ever after.

Adulthood
Responsibilities
Teamwork

Following behind answers,
I couldn’t seem to catch,
But knew wouldn’t solve us anyway.

Relief
Understanding
Forgiveness

Today became the end,
Our story is over
And I’m free to begin again.

Darkness

January 21, 2021

The tick, is it inside my head or just over there on the wall

Both

The cold upon my hands is it still there or has it traveled to my heart

Both

The quiver on my lips is it caused by the world or by him

Both

Does art matter beyond the eye or will it stay forever in our minds

Both

When we are deemed useless is it easy to overcome or can it stay with us forever

Both

Scared I’m close to only one side existing. Weakness is impatient with me. Strength barely recognized.

Yet

I still see beauty. It’s in flowers, rocks, trees, clouds, water, prairie, mountains, oceans and sand.

And

I’ve witnessed love.

Ready To Receive

Found atop a blanket of motley colors,
A woman born of divine design,
what does she dream of, they wonder.
Fairytales full of splendor,
Fantasies full of surrender,
Suddenly she remembers how to shine.
Caught inside in the textures of our earth,
and the weight of why we’re here,
inspiration returns.
Her eyes see what no one else has to find, she is happy to believe.
Her fingers willingly touch what others presumably mustn’t,
and her heart is open towards the clouds. She is ready to receive.

Isn’t it a wonder!

***
What I Would Have Shown You

Small Pebble In My Jeans

my attraction to hard, born through a lost memory,
existed,
created who I am.

an unusual warmth from the simplest of minerals I’ve grown accustomed to, need
and cannot explain.

I greet them, inspect
place them in my hand
and slowly they enter,
my pocket. Mine. My anchor.

each time I revisit the Rockies
the desire arouses
matures, alters in strength,
becomes habitual.

these rocks, their immensity
I want to claim as my own,
every year unwilling to ask
I leave, unbecoming.

*What I Would Have Shown You