heard and its appreciated
regardless of distance
creation begins with ends
sight isnt always known
again, seems defeating, but beauty gains power, seen and listened to
graciously so
nature heals as do words
patience allowed
creates soft places
where new truly grows
when the call comes
time stands down
knees buckle
wind escapes the very breath I needed to speak.
a cry from within –
within me – it shocks,
shocks the very core of my being, a result
everyone warned me of feeling deep inside,
but then regret:
the regret of putting off
everything I should have said when it still mattered.
the searching begins
the desire for proof –
proof we existed together in this world
making the memories we shared valid,
meaningful and somehow important.
but then the awareness arrives,
becoming fully aware
eyes wide open,
there is nothing here to prove our connection;
my love.
lacking tangible evidence of a bond created out of a deep need to feel a part of something I lacked,
is the torture I, until today, didn’t realize I would be living with now forever.
hardened by what he’d seen; by life,
the reflection behind his eyes created a flutter within me
like a bee for honey, I was willing to work and eager.
I remained close.
Structured and protective, with experience as his guide, I longed for his reverence.
his strength I devoured silently but wanted to wrap myself in for all to see.
like many, I wasn’t chosen.
life is a mystery and voices often confused, so I remained hopeful – just in case.
yet the determination in his heart is wide, and he has much to attend to
and so it goes.
not one star in the sky tonight
tho’ we rarely speak of them
’tis mostly children, cars and simpler times
in their own right, they all shine
cardinals a symbol of what we mean to me
what will come of thee
verdant grass continues
will it even matter now
darkness looms beyond the street
allow shadows to envelope completely
crucial some would say
the space between then and now
fluctuates between right
and wrong, expected
obviously.
looking back – foolish,
forward eventually becomes – available.
we possess forward.
when shared,
is it ever really your own?
what is time without a watchful eye,
til color fades, we mustn’t
gray tones allow hope
say it is so, dear one.
how is it my hands feel the road and its bumps,
while tires roll atop –
proof we’ve been here before
and what a journey it was.
clouds become pillows,
for murmurs under the sheets,
and the rain in the distance
a melody I remember and
cherish, please believe.
today is full of beauty, I smirk
yet again.
passionate in the ordinary I shall remain,
and glimpses of tomorrows
shall nudge me forward,
across the plains.
window wide open
faithful love escapes vastness
wimpering echoes
The author wrote as if she had met the one I crave, finding him perfectly secure, genuine and honest before her.
She noticed the same details as I, and it shatters me to realize someone sees in him what I do and she may have the chance at a forever.
Which means I’m expendable, just one in hundreds of options.
Ha! Not that I ever stood a chance, I knew the minute we met he’d never settle for less than perfection.
He wouldn’t need to, because he was capable on his own and I added nothing he craved.
Driving the farthest eastern reaches of the Sandhills as this scene beckoned. Was it the water, sunset or hills calling names? The topography, a sensuous mastermind, plays within thoughts while memories flood the present.
How dare it.
Just as beauty sets in, and atop the already gorgeous scene, to share this – would have been the only cherished wish left to whisper. A hand held. Hard kiss, even tug of the hair and a reminding of the natural, even recommended design for an alliance.
Useless comes to mind, but doesn’t it always? Untrustworthy. Less than. Nothing deemed attractive found near not even near, by not just one, but from many.
Wicked is fate as she tosses over another just out of reach, if only the physical qualities found irresistible and encouraged were obtainable by another’s remnants. Would life continue to offer beauty with hopes someone might see?
deteriorating wall
color combinations weak
periscope, maybe
***
A few housecleaning details for y’all today. I am aware it is Friday, and nobody likes cleaning on the edge of a weekend, but I needed to say thanks for all the recent follows. AND thank you for not giving up on my poetry.
The giggles are returning which is always a good sign. I’ve been writing a lot, but mostly I’ve been working. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. This past year has been incredibly busy with churches closed for many.
When the inevitable occurred it made my day job 100% harder.
I have become quite familiar with bells, whistles, bright lights, more technology, post offices, zoom, louder microphones and standing on my head. I’ve never been accused of having a case of “the look at me’s” so you can imagine what having to do so did for my soul.
My creativity took a beating as did all my relationships.
I’ll be sprucing up the place and working on updating my pages, as I focus on getting things ready for an announcement many have waited years to hear.
Find beauty in your weekend my loves,
Aud
If I wrote of awe struck
as cliché as it is
would you listen in interest
or out of duty, as it has been
my desires remain
My Muse,
From the moment I read you I knew. You wouldn’t be easily removed, from my heart, my mind or my life.
Beautiful sunset tonight
An airport full of people to watch
Planes flying high
and I continue to look down.
an ache within
for progress;
strengthening,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.
a simple decree
less distress; a little more
happily ever after,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.
apricot visions
release me;
wandering free the verdict –
but far from home,
surrender something beautiful
surrender something sure.
I kept forcing nature;
give me what I want
like a bully, I pushed
forced my way in.
Now
I live,
in a cyclone of
decisions a Ms. is
required to make
but without leadership,
I’ll be doomed anyway.
you would know I’ve sat within the thrush of nature
my soul is joyous there.
this cool fall evening offers a melody and my mind plunges into creative fidgeting.
my eyes wander from hues of verdant to hints of Autumn’s tangerine,
but it’s the obvious sounds of industry
that bring you closer to me.
I’m supposed to walk more
sit less
prepare the house
eat fresh
continue to chase the kids
enjoy the mess
except,
I mean, yet
I’ve lost myself
within this 24/7
But I love them, so…
Spent the day in the city with my daughter.
We parked downtown, walked for what felt like miles, the early hustle smelled delightful.
Saw colors in every direction.
We laughed, we sampled stores out of our comfort zone, drinks, food, books, music and art, as well. Our eyes sparkled in intrest.
We danced through walkways, giggled past what we knew we’d never understand, and held hands.
We reintroduced ourselves to chopsticks via YouTube and introduced ourselves to the sushi bar & spicy tuna.
We mused how shy girls could ever possibly find their voice, and teared up when the Columbian bracelets we admired were made for those who needed to learn how to communicate.
We wear matching aquamarine stone bracelets now, and thanked fate for bringing our conversation, in the car ride over, full circle.
We painted and sang without a care in the world. Allowing who we are a place of comfort – us, showing our little girl.
Busy streets we drove on and found parking within offered an exciting challenge,
But something changed inside of me as my daughter confessed,
“Momma, look at all we did just us – no men.
No brother, no daddy, …”
At 15 she felt empowered and ready for another adventure to begin.
Of course, my daughter, you are right. I’ve taught you how to live.
I mused quietly to myself, yes, yet again…
Just wait.
One day you’ll feel your hand within his,
or its warmth guiding you at the small of your back,
you’ll stand a bit taller with his palm holding your elbow, as you move along,
his stature in true protection will leave you in awe,
and his voice in your ear, at the end of the night, the one making up a lullaby song,
will be the reason doing life alone feels so wrong.
I refuse to be
To be the girl who doesn’t
Who dosen’t show you
Show you what and who I am
Who I am, I adore
I adore what makes me, me
Me, me the woman who tries
Who tries to be everything
Be every thing, to everyone
To every one, sadly, I cannot
I cannot be all of perfection
Of perfection, unobtainable, so notice me
Notice me inspite of what I’m not
I’m not the lady I once thought
Once thought who’d always create
Always create the poetry I desire
I desire sharing my soul
My soul aches towards connection
Towards connection I find completeness
Find completeness within myself
Within myself there is growth
Is growth enough for me
For me, it must be
Must be the sun found rising
Found rising outside my window
My window, compass in the kitchen
The kitchen where I sense you
Sense you up against me
Against me and deeply breathing
Deeply breathing in my essence
My essense, an offer only for you
For you, I will remain.
Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister 