you would know I’ve sat within the thrush of nature
my soul is joyous there.
this cool fall evening offers a melody and my mind plunges into creative fidgeting.
my eyes wander from hues of verdant to hints of Autumn’s tangerine,
but it’s the obvious sounds of industry
that bring you closer to me.
I’m supposed to walk more
sit less
prepare the house
eat fresh
continue to chase the kids
enjoy the mess
except,
I mean, yet
I’ve lost myself
within this 24/7
But I love them, so…
Spent the day in the city with my daughter.
We parked downtown, walked for what felt like miles, the early hustle smelled delightful.
Saw colors in every direction.
We laughed, we sampled stores out of our comfort zone, drinks, food, books, music and art, as well. Our eyes sparkled in intrest.
We danced through walkways, giggled past what we knew we’d never understand, and held hands.
We reintroduced ourselves to chopsticks via YouTube and introduced ourselves to the sushi bar & spicy tuna.
We mused how shy girls could ever possibly find their voice, and teared up when the Columbian bracelets we admired were made for those who needed to learn how to communicate.
We wear matching aquamarine stone bracelets now, and thanked fate for bringing our conversation, in the car ride over, full circle.
We painted and sang without a care in the world. Allowing who we are a place of comfort – us, showing our little girl.
Busy streets we drove on and found parking within offered an exciting challenge,
But something changed inside of me as my daughter confessed,
“Momma, look at all we did just us – no men.
No brother, no daddy, …”
At 15 she felt empowered and ready for another adventure to begin.
Of course, my daughter, you are right. I’ve taught you how to live.
I mused quietly to myself, yes, yet again…
Just wait.
One day you’ll feel your hand within his,
or its warmth guiding you at the small of your back,
you’ll stand a bit taller with his palm holding your elbow, as you move along,
his stature in true protection will leave you in awe,
and his voice in your ear, at the end of the night, the one making up a lullaby song,
will be the reason doing life alone feels so wrong.
I refuse to be
To be the girl who doesn’t
Who dosen’t show you
Show you what and who I am
Who I am, I adore
I adore what makes me, me
Me, me the woman who tries
Who tries to be everything
Be every thing, to everyone
To every one, sadly, I cannot
I cannot be all of perfection
Of perfection, unobtainable, so notice me
Notice me inspite of what I’m not
I’m not the lady I once thought
Once thought who’d always create
Always create the poetry I desire
I desire sharing my soul
My soul aches towards connection
Towards connection I find completeness
Find completeness within myself
Within myself there is growth
Is growth enough for me
For me, it must be
Must be the sun found rising
Found rising outside my window
My window, compass in the kitchen
The kitchen where I sense you
Sense you up against me
Against me and deeply breathing
Deeply breathing in my essence
My essense, an offer only for you
For you, I will remain.
thankful for each angle
my eyes receive,
my heart accepts
and can no longer grieve,
over what I cannot create
or wish into being,
I must be okay
and continue living.
***
What I Would Have Shown You
morning creates challenge
feeling her breath push back against her face
reflects the battle frenzy
one mind, two ideas
reluctant, her leading continues
clearer moments, please
***
What I Would Have Shown You
essence everywhere
sliding, slowly, before me
found beauty, lifeless
and myself sat searching.
water breaks past roots, stones and debris
flows towards my lense; healing.
Chortles echo in the distance,
oh, one day love will be,
Verdant , my keeper – Forest King
show me where life will lead,
tears dampen this face, and my page,
Colorado heal me,
God, show me grace.
I hear regret in his voice
the mistake I was for him,
my soul aches in monochrome,
but yellow lives in bursts like Spring
and a Pink Ladies leafless show
I’ve seen purple, as if born from the eyes of kings,
and verdant in twilight’s glow.
the blues of Poseidon’s seas
and red from a rose;
white clouds in pristine,
and brown where life grows.
who wouldn’t want a girl like me
***
Been thinking a lot the last few minutes on how we teach toddlers the correct way to be social humans. The act of placing them in time out until they understand the lesson. Requesting they stay there until they’ve been told they’re allowed to rejoin the group.
We do the same sort of training on puppies, asking them to sit and stay until the command is given to release and enjoy.
Over a year ago I fell in love again. I fell hard for him. A future with someone had all the components needed to be successful, I truly believed. My mind is a beautiful place to be when love is the theme.
The qualities I look for/drawn to are simple.
summer view for sale
passing through nowadays
golden hues melting
I’m in love with being in love.
There’s nothing I have visioned for myself that excites me more.
I hear laughter
Eye squints as their sparkle escapes
I feel that upon my face.
Silly grins
Dimples no longer hidden within
The true marking of contentment
And its offer of grace.
The best of friends welcoming
Challenges – happy endings -frustrations.
Holding hands, connecting spirits
Building a firm foundation.
Take me there, widen the span of
Love’s true existence
Birth the eve of beginnings
And wrap me in the arms of the one
Who needs me.
A smile, the product of overwhelming acceptance.
Crazy how writing a sentence can be the cause of tears.
Is wanting such a simple human response proof of a wandering spirit in search of connection?
A place to belong,
Echoes inside of me,
awakens at dawn.
Genuine acknowledgment in a situation played out before ours eyes,
should not be controlled.
Why deny the person across from you the gift of worth?
My smile is yours.
I watched tangerine turn into innocent sanguine,
while thinking of you, and
thoughts of how I want an “us” to be.
Feathered blues, birthed since before noon,
caused aquamarine streaks
as twilight breathed – were you with me?
My neck felt a breath, my back the push of a finger;
the moment continues to linger.
to be adored
needed
wanted
found
accepted
considered
tended to
obsessed over
delighted by
instructed happily
made priority
seen
desired,
to be one’s world
Please,
just
let
me
lay
my
head
right
here.
I
need
you.
i imagine the comfort
like warmth snuggled in
under layers of protection
surrenderer me with victorious him
daylight taken with pleasure
my body with so much to give
leaves the master of my affection
a playground he accepts as his
a muse so confident
doubt unable to live –
stifled and erased, becomes
a union of dominion and submissive
Adorned, in verdant elegance
Care extended with his selection
Her spirit encouraged to thrive,
Wrapped in accessorized protection
Red, his jewel of choice
Love calls: come quick
Run over, and then in
Search wildly for love’s existence,
For trust, in the end.
Listen close,
Know this is where together begins.
i could get lost inside you,
graciously forever, often
yearning for the
direction
you show,
beauty
you create,
protection
you offer,
mystery
you provide,
colors
you inspire,
dreams
you conduct.
without them, i
wouldn’t know where to begin
and incredibly certain
i wouldn’t want to.
held exclusive
could it be true,
if that was me
in the midst of you,
your arms wrapped
yet, I in full view,
secure in mutual adoration
crimson and verdant long overdue.
