Loss

when the call comes
time stands down
knees buckle
wind escapes the very breath I needed to speak.
a cry from within –
within me – it shocks,
shocks the very core of my being, a result
everyone warned me of feeling deep inside,
but then regret:
the regret of putting off
everything I should have said when it still mattered.
the searching begins
the desire for proof –
proof we existed together in this world
making the memories we shared valid,
meaningful and somehow important.
but then the awareness arrives,
becoming fully aware
eyes wide open,
there is nothing here to prove our connection;
my love.
lacking tangible evidence of a bond created out of a deep need to feel a part of something I lacked,
is the torture I, until today, didn’t realize I would be living with now forever.

Our Story Is Over

Not a simple fix is it?
Lost somewhere between,
I’ll figure this out,
And just let it be.

Frustration
Manipulation
Disgust

This and it, being you,
Or us, and what didn’t work,
Even after trying.

Lies
Making up
Continually

Long gone are the days,
Of make believe,
Playing house,
And happily ever after.

Adulthood
Responsibilities
Teamwork

Following behind answers,
I couldn’t seem to catch,
But knew wouldn’t solve us anyway.

Relief
Understanding
Forgiveness

Today became the end,
Our story is over
And I’m free to begin again.

Darkness

January 21, 2021

The tick, is it inside my head or just over there on the wall

Both

The cold upon my hands is it still there or has it traveled to my heart

Both

The quiver on my lips is it caused by the world or by him

Both

Does art matter beyond the eye or will it stay forever in our minds

Both

When we are deemed useless is it easy to overcome or can it stay with us forever

Both

Scared I’m close to only one side existing. Weakness is impatient with me. Strength barely recognized.

Yet

I still see beauty. It’s in flowers, rocks, trees, clouds, water, prairie, mountains, oceans and sand.

And

I’ve witnessed love.

Our Loss

Already
Quiet this morning
Without you here
Clock keeps ticking
Fridge keeps running
My vision continues to blur
Tears of sorrow
Only allowed now
When I can sit
Reflect with respect
You all deserved more
I wish you were here
Calming your families
Bringing them joy
Instead you are in Heaven
Resting
War will always be part
Of who you are
But you were so much more
Some gave all
You answered the call
Unselfishly
Unconditionally
Bravely
While we stood here
Holding our flag of freedom
You were asked to risk
War and duty took your breath
I owe you at least this
Yet, so much more
Should leave my lips
Thank you
We miss you
Peace be with your families

My Sister

A child was born on Mother’s Day
Looking similar to all the rest
A nursery full of beauty
God brought you to her
My Sister
~
Laid upon her breast
Blue eyes locked to blue eyes
You fell in love
She was a mere child, as well
My Sister
~
The first Grandchild
Daddy’s Boy and Momma’s Joy
Craig, our shining star
You could do no wrong in their eyes
My Sister
~
Watching you grow
Meeting milestones
Dad a strutting peacock
None of us with more pride than she
My Sister
~
One day dark clouds rolled in
No advancing past your own floor rolling
To the doctors we’d go
No one stronger than she
My Sister
~
Two full years later, finally a diagnosis
Cockayne Syndrome, wouldn’t you know
We sat in silence, held each other close
If only seven years, she’d make them go slow
My Sister
~
Craig you rested so well in her arms
We all spoke your silent language
A community of your devoted fans
But none as in love as she
My Sister
~
Your fifth birthday here in a flash
Two weeks later, you woke up for the last time
We all ran to your side
In a hospital room we cried, but none like her
My Sister
~
Nothing they could do had been decided
Three siblings sat surrounding your mother
She rocked you as we prayed
“God, please don’t take him from her-not today.”
My Sister
~
A strong little boy who could never walk
Much too frail, much too sick
Was Heaven sent from Him to her
Yet, at twenty-three she was asked to give you back
My Sister
~
Over a decade later you’re still gone
As a man you’d been seen – almost
Still Daddy’s Boy and Momma’s Joy
Blue eyes sparkling, at your Mother
My Sister
~
May, the month of beautiful beginnings
The source of every mother’s worst nightmare
Baby Sister, you made it through, pay no mind to the dark days
That’s when Craig is with you
My Sister

Twelve years ago…we miss you, Craig. We love you. Everyday we’re thankful for the time we had…♥