Layered Confessions

Forcing myself to sit and listen to the layers within me.

Sorting through the wishing and the want, the need and pleading so that I might see truth.

I’ve never had much use for patience, yet I realize I must endure it’s process, if I’m to make you proud and find myself sitting near you.

There’s a stickiness after the honey is put back into the cubbard, that reminds me to wash my fingers, or make the choice to lick the stick away.

Maybe I’ve forgotten how to play.

While picking up at the end of the day, there’s a continuous stream of words I hear, “If you don’t then who will,” and so I bend at the waist and continue.

Beautiful blankets to fold, which keep us warm. Sleepy time tea at half past 12 leaves an empty cup beside me.

All require tending.

A flood of memories resume their normal station within my head each night, as the quiet takes over. I place yet another from my day beside them in hopes of room for one more.

Tears escape the wells in my eyes, as I wait for confirmation I was seen today.

Does anyone else feel this way…

I am my best friend, and my worst of enemies, and probably should be, but I’m tired of myself.

Now even I want to leave me.

Sharing my moments were intended for you. My heart steadfast in convincing. I want to believe.

How can it be love, in the end, I’m feeling.

Was I put here to take care of those near me? How much strength do I have? How much sadness can I hear? 

A season of sorrows pulls me closer – Can I endure?

Must I without you? Knowing full well I have Him and He should be enough to sustain me.

And do you know you sound like Him in my head now and I may never be able to live without you?

Confessions

And then my littlest voice says, “Stupid.”

My eyes look to the ground, my lip turns slightly to the side, I pack myself away and force that little voice back inside.

Enough for one day.

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Amends

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You’re always right.
Not usually.
Our day over yet?
What do you think?
Stop… just tell me.
Not tonight.
Okay, fine.
I miss you.
I was right over there.
I saw you.
I figured.
Do I get an explanation?
Negative.
Will I ever?
Sit with me.

A Moment Ago

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“Well, I don’t think you should look at life like that, honestly.”
“How should I look at change then, Darling? Isn’t this view amazing? Think about how wonderful star gazing would be from this spot.”
“I’d rather discuss what you surprised me with a moment ago.”
“You seem rather proud of yourself, Handsome.”
“I’m proud of you, actually. ”
“I was thinking we should buy this place.”
“I agree. Earlier, when you had your hand in my pocket teasing me, I had visions of your naked body right here.”
“Ahh, and now here I am.”
“Yes, isn’t that the strangest coincidence, Love.”
“You always could get me to do anything, you know.”
“Let’s just remember who was naked first, shall we?”

Sisters

 

Hey, Sister
Hiya, Sis
Whatcha doin’
Nothing really, just wanted to run something past you. Do you have a minute?
Of course, are you writing again?
Yes, it has been kinda rough lately.
Are you okay?
I’ll be okay. Ever wonder what might have been?
Yeah, I do, Auddie.
I’m finding out who I am, you know?
Do you like her?
She isn’t what I expected, but clarity produces relief so that feels good.
I’ve always known who you are, Sister.
I’m not brave enough yet.
You are to me.
I miss you, you know?
Not as much as I miss you, Aud.
I’m thinking I should write the rest of this book in Nebraska.
You mean come home for the summer?
Yes, well part of it, anyway.
Your room is ready.
I need to sit beside you.
I know.
Maybe twist my curls and tell me I’m who I’m supposed to be?
You know I will.
Just sit here with me right now and wait, okay?
Anything to help.
I can hear you breathing.
I hear you, too.
Scary knowing what you want, isn’t it?
Yes, Audrey, it is.
Are you doing okay?
No, I’m worried about you. You’ve been so quiet for so long.
I know. I’m sorry…

An Argument – Part 2

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“Take the blindfold off, my dear!”
“Just a minute. Not much further now. Step…step…step…oh, wait! Knees, up. Okay, step…step…step…steeeeppp.”
“You’re doing this on purpose aren’t you? These don’t feels like true steps I’m walking on, Ma’am.”
” Well, they are, Mister!”
“I’m slowly losing my patience, Lady..”
“Relax. We’re here. You used to be more fun, you know?”
“Here! Take this dumb cloth. *looking around*  What? You’ve got to be joking…”
“What’s the matter?”
“We’re at the park. Not the quilt and the clouds again! You tricked me! I knew those weren’t real steps I was climbing.”
“Oh, just lay down on the quilt, you old goat. We have fighting to do.”
“I want to begin by saying that I am not looking for anything in those clouds today. Rats, I say, to all elephants!”
“This is where we do our best thinking, my dear.”
“No, this is where you bring me to try and change my mind. I recall this spot, and our discussion perfectly. We fought my dear.”
“Now quit! I think this time we’ll be more productive. Have some faith. ”
“We are never productive, my sweet.”
“Yes we are! Why just yesterday we agreed on naming our slug. I say bravo for that feat. Wouldn’t you, Sir?”
“I don’t know. I can’t remember back that far.”
“You don’t remember yesterday, but you can remember the spot where we first fought?”
“Well, yes, so it seems…”
“How romantic, Dear. ”
“No, I call that self perseverance. ”
“How’s that?”
“One should remember their way around a battlefield.”
“This quilt, my mother made, is not a battlefield…!”
“Wanna bet, Hun?”

I think these two have a story to tell. We’ll be checking back in with them from time to time.

Their first discussion can be found here, if you’d like to read their first fight.

I know its wordless Wednesday. What does that even mean…

A Sparkly Joke

“Do you want to hear a joke?”
“No, not really.”
“Come on, you like my humor. This is a great joke, Audrey.”
“I’m afraid I won’t know when to laugh.”
“Yes, you will! Your timing is perfect.”
“But, life’s been so serious lately.”
“Woman, let me tell you my joke! You’ll give me that boisterous laugh I crave.”
“I’m not sure I would…how do you know?”
“You tend to make most speaks a joke. That’s how I’ll know.”
“Well not anymore I won’t! ”
“Of course you will, because it’s part of who you are, my dear. The bonus being that you’ll see past it now, as well.”
“Do you really think so, babe?”
“I do!”
“Okay, well press forward then would you.”
“You want me to tell my joke now? Giving me permission?  How quickly you become her…”
“*smirk* Yes, of course, my love.”
“I’m going to ignore that…Why did the chicken cross the road, Audrey?”
“Hmmm, because he saw something sparkly. DUH!”
“NO! Sparkly?! What kind of reason is that to cross a road?”
“Well, isn’t it normal to be attracted to something sparkly?”
“Maybe, but are chickens drawn there?”
“I think they must be…”
“You’ve ruined my joke!”
“I’m sorry. I think you think I’m a chicken…tell me. Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“I’m not sure I want to tell you now…”
“Please, my love, just tell me.”
“Okay, but nothing I tell you will seem funny after all of that ridiculousness! He crossed the road, well, to get to the other side.”
*giggles*
“You laughed?!”
“Haha. Yes!”
“How? Why?”
“It is just as I said. The chicken did see something sparkly, which helped him to the other side.”
“Okay, what could that have possibly been?”
“Come over here and let me thank you for making me laugh.”
“I’m not sure I want to…I’m still sorting out why a chicken is drawn to sparkly objects and what it could have been.”
“Now you’re sparkly! Kiss me.”

An Argument

A patchwork quilt spilled out and into a square. They fall into the covering and onto their backs.Two bodies side by side, together a powerful sight. Smiling eyes release their connection and turn upwards. Lost and gazing into a blue sky. White clouds overhead billowing, yet raging by. Arms pulled up and over their heads. Hands create sole pillows for their minds to find rest. Locked thoughts and desires just moments from notice or truth. With a bit of timing a mood changer created instead:

“Tell me of your life,” she whispered.
“There’s too much to recall, my dear.”
“Explain the cruelties of life, then. Start with why now and not twenty years sooner.”
“I can’t explain life, really. The fact is, my sweet, we aren’t allowed to question destiny.”
“Destiny? Is that what this is?”
“Now, look at that cloud!” he points upwards and across her chest.
“You mean the one over there that looks like an elephant,” she entertains.
“Elephant? I say, mountain.”
“Clearly, it’s an elephant!”
“Now, relax. Quickly, before the shifting begins, look again. See? Mountain…” he encourages.
“Maybe you could explain why you see a mountain and I see an elephant?”
“The explaination not as easy to believe, I fear. I’d like to see an elephant. I’m a believer in elephants. Alas, the cloud above us is a mountain strong and true.”
“So, you don’t want to see my elephant? You’d rather focus on your mountain?”
“Arguably, it isn’t as simple as what we see when laying here together.”
“I think it is. You don’t want to see my breathing elephant. You’d rather continue to view the cold hard mountain.”
“What is that supposed to mean? The elephant you see isn’t alive. It is a cloud passing by in the sky.”
“I think we both know what I mean!”
“Hmm!”
“I like laying here with you, though. It’s nice having a chat,” she exhaled.
“Yes, we should consider how to achieve more of that.”
“This…you mean. Achieve more of this…chatting.”
“No, I meant the disagreeing.”
“What?! Why?!”
“Ahh, it seems, you push me to look for elephants.”
“And I for mountains, my love…”