sometimes it is easier
to allow the tears to fall,
warmly sit, and watch the sun set.
praying quietly for love
to come and conquer all,
lover, are you listening yet?
Today would have been my 19th wedding anniversary. Next month marks a year since the divorce was final.
All that keeps running through my mind is how big the lawyer’s office was, as I sat alone on one side of the conference table, while he and his lawyer sat on the other. I stared out the windows and silently begged to be told to jump. I was alone in there and naive enough to believe I wasn’t on my own. Still wanting to trust.
Why wouldn’t I reflect on our wedding day? I guess it’s because I don’t want to admit the truth to myself. I knew then he wasn’t built to handle me, but I expected him to be, so it wasn’t his fault he failed.
Always tough enough
Never really prepared
Poetic Format Haibun
Within the night she runs far away
Upon the mountain top she climbs
You must tell me why
Shouting at the stars
Wishing upon a different fate
Broken no longer clean
Falling down in the rocky ground
She welcomes even more pain
To take it for you, you and you
Never offer understanding
Misery enjoys company