Admitting My Failure (Haibun)

Today would have been my 19th wedding anniversary. Next month marks a year since the divorce was final.

All that keeps running through my mind is how big the lawyer’s office was, as I sat alone on one side of the conference table, while he and his lawyer sat on the other. I stared out the windows and silently begged to be told to jump. I was alone in there and naive enough to believe I wasn’t on my own. Still wanting to trust.

Why wouldn’t I reflect on our wedding day? I guess it’s because I don’t want to admit the truth to myself. I knew then he wasn’t built to handle me, but I expected him to be, so it wasn’t his fault he failed.

Always tough enough

Never really prepared

Protection required

***

Poetic Format Haibun

 

 

Fate

Within the night she runs far away
Upon the mountain top she climbs
She cries
You must tell me why
Shouting at the stars
Wishing upon a different fate
Mistakes made
Broken no longer clean
Endure
Falling down in the rocky ground
She welcomes even more pain
To take it for you, you and you
Mistakes
Never offer understanding
Instantly
Misery enjoys company
Leave quickly
She’s coming