The meat and potatoes of Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister
Good Early Morning! Is it possible to fall in love with a song? I can’t get this one out of my head, maybe it’s because we’re in the season of missing people who are no longer here, the ones we wish we could talk to today. Everything about his delivery speaks to me. Whatever it is, have a listen.
Middle Sister called the other day it went like this:
Oldest (Me): Hey Bean, whata ya doin’?
Middle: Nothin’, whata youuu doin’?
Oldest: I’m in the car line waiting to pick up the children…
Middle: Heyyyyy, when do you guys plan on leaving for a Nebraska Christmas?
Oldest: Well, we’d like to leave as soon as we can, once the children get out of school for the holiday, I guess. Probably? When is Christmas, again?
Middle: Aud, it’s in three weeks.
Oldest: Wow, three weeks, okay. I suppose we’ll leave the day before Christmas Eve?
(Big Brother tries ringing through about this time and I have to wait to call him back. Then I forget cause life is crazy during December. Sorry.)
Middle: No, that isn’t soon enough. You can’t leave the weekend before?
Oldest: What’s y’all’s plan, then? Have you spoken to Big Brother and Baby Sister? (She said I had to write y’all cause that’s how I said it, and they are forever making fun of me. I do not have a southern accent. They say I do. It’s a vicious circle of oh nos and uh huhs.)
Middle: Yes, a while ago. We all need to know your plans so we can make our plans.
Oldest: We have no plans, really. We’ll leave and drive to you. Those are our plans, Sis. You officially have our agenda. Run with it, do with it as you wish.
Middle: Okay…
(At this point, during my phone conversation with Middle, Baby posts a picture on Facebook about little sisters standing up for older sisters. Something like: If you mess with the older sister, there is always a younger sister behind her… that you don’t wanna mess with.)
Oldest: Okay, what? I’m glued to you when I get there, just let me know. Y’all need to make your spreadsheet of when we need to be where, and base it on y’alls work schedules. (I swear, I did not say y’all twice.)
Middle: Oh! Good idea!
Oldest: Makes sense, right? I mean ‘you guys’, the three of you, know when you want us at your house. Make a plan based on ‘your’ schedules and we’ll see it through. Easy peasey lemon squeezey, right?
Middle: Alright! I’m starting one now! Bye! Love ya! (click)
Oldest: Bye, I love you…
Hmm, do you suppose they’re getting excited about my approaching visit?
(Photo credit: Horia Varlan)
Hey, I can’t really see anything.
Then don’t look at anything.
Anything? Is he the big guy?
He’s like a brother from another mother, this guy gets it.
It pains me to consider what I’d do if my bookshelf went up in flames today.
I find this little show and tell situation a bit daunting. Who could choose just five books? Well, I know I couldn’t, let’s start there. I decided that in order to make this a bit easier on myself, I’d simply choose one from each shelf on my bookcase.
No, I didn’t go and rearrange my favorites in order to save them. I think that limiting myself to a shelf at a time helped to increase the atmosphere. You know it fed into that philosophical way of thinking that we all share:
RULES IS RULES, PAL!
I’m quoting Spanky from the Little Rascals, incase you need a reference. He’s President of the He-Man Wuman Hater’s Club, if you want his credentials before agreeing to my strict guidelines. 😉
1. A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness – I choose this novel based on the way the author writes her men. My heart starts beating faster just thinking of Harkness’ Matthew. This one is an extreme guilty pleasure because it’s about vampires and witches. Two photos come to mind when I think of this book:
2. The Bible. No other explanation needed if you’ve been reading my blog for any time at all. I relate to Moses. Kindred souls, are we. Well, not the killing, the breaking of the Commandment tablets or 40 day walk, but more like,
Exodus 4:10 Moses said to the Lord, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” 11 The Lord said to him, ” Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
Yeah, more like that measure of Moses, the burning bush version.
3. The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
Have you ever needed to go so far deep into yourself to find courage that continuing on down the black hole of your soul frightens you? And then were you shocked that you found peace there? You, too? We should talk.
4. Fall of Giants by Ken Follett
I’m choosing this one, because I started it thinking my friend, Wendie, was crazy for recommending a book this size. I didn’t have time to read this beast of a book. The book was humongous, extremely historical and most of all…bloody fantastic. I never thought this genre would sweep me off my feet, but it has a way of going about it. Sneaky, it is!
5. As You Like It by William Shakespeare
*** “All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts …” ***
We must remember to play each of our given roles, am I right? Oh, I think we need coffee for this one. Nothing like a good story about reconciliation and forgiveness, the countryside, forests of France and a chance to read about every aspect of love in one place. What am I doing? I can’t even begin to find the words for how much I enjoy this one.
That’s it, I’m done!! Play along or don’t play. It really doesn’t bother me either way. That rhymes… 😉
( I hope there is never a fire, because this little “get to know me game” stressed me out. Hope my books forgive me.)
When we put our family Christmas tree up we assume our specific tree trimming roles graciously. It amazes me every year. Boy, we are a trained bunch. Whose fault is that? Yeah, probably mine. My husband gets everything out of storage and assembles the tree. Bless him, he even fixes the lights when our tree’s lights get unruly.
Pre-Lit Christmas trees can have some of the most unruly lights. I’d throw the tree through the window, but not my husband. Cool as a cucumber, he’s over there deciding on his plan of attack. He’s the cool blonde type. I’m the temper flaring red head type. It’s obvious that this is the role for him. He’d prefer to handle the lights, as replacing windows isn’t his idea of fun.
With everyone sick over Thanksgiving Break, we had plenty of time on our hands for a slow tree decorating event. Why is everyone always sick during the holidays? Can’t a girl get a break?? Anyway, here’s how our Christmas tree turned out:
My role is to unpack all the ornaments, because I’m pretty obsessive about how they are to be unpacked. Original packaging is a must, so steady hands on deck only. Let me be honest, I take my job very serious. I look forward to the oohs’ and the awwwws’, as I reminisce over years past. I enjoy looking at how the kids have grown. My face reacts pleasingly as I reveal that the ornaments from my childhood survived another year:
Have I mentioned how much I enjoy card playing? I’m looking forward to a lot of that in a few weeks while visiting Nebraska and Kansas for the Christmas holiday. Our group favorite is Pitch, but if the three sisters have their way we talk Big Brother, or at least one other person, into playing Pinochle. It’s just the best card game ever. The Card Playing Bear ornament was given to me close to 18 years ago. It reminds me of my cut throat card playing family.
I even added part of a snowflake to the picture. Watching snow fall during our visit home this year would be great. Not sure who I turn that request in to… We don’t see snow in this part of Texas. By then, I know my family will be tired of seeing snowflakes, but we’ll expect them to humor our enthusiasm over the white fluffy stuff.
The two children in this family have the job of stringing beads and hanging ornaments. I’m so glad they’re getting better at placement. See how nicely they’re spacing them out this year:
It sure beats the signature move of clumping ornaments on one single branch. All toddlers go this route at some point, although its super cute and picture worthy at the time. Now I’ll only have to go back and fix this tree’s treasures a little bit, or this will be the year I leave the trimmings as is. The verdict is still out.
What’s your opinion? Do you rearrange the placement of the ornaments or do you leave them alone? Every year I say I’m going to leave them, then my husband sees me sneaking in after everyone has gone to bed. I can’t help it.
Mostly, I look forward to the reason for the season. I look forward to the Christmas tradition of Advent and allowing it to remind me of why I believe what I believe. I love being reminded of how Jesus’ birth brings us hope.
This week I’m going to remember that we have hope:
As I type this, while looking at our tree, I may even have a glimmer of hope that I’ll leave the ornaments alone…hmmm. 🙂
~Oldest Daughter
(I don’t know how to work this camera. I don’t know why the bear photo is so much darker, it is closer, I’ll admit. Anyway, I’ll get better at photo sharing.)
This week while everyone is packing for trips back home, warming their kitchens in anticipation of Thanksgiving and planning their Black Friday shopping, I’ll be doing plenty of this, writing. A whole week off allows for me to catch up here, to read and relax with family and friends, who I’ve missed while trying to blog, teach, raise a family and eat.
All of these events I look forward to, but they won’t fully satisfy me this week.
I’ll be missing Big Brother, Middle Sister and Baby Sister too much to feel completely content. Unfortunately, this means everyone in our home will suffer greatly. We’ll be listening to a lot of very sad music and possibly be seen in our pajamas too much by the neighbors, but again, it’s an entire week off from school, so we’re entitled.
I laugh, but it’s true.
I look forward to Thursday, and all the cooking we’ll do as a family. We’ve never stayed home for Thanksgiving. I’ve never made a turkey, so this ought to be an experience, one I may never live down, but we charge forward anyway. I mean, Carpe diem, right? I’ll make everything that Grandma Maxine used to have on her table, all but the oyster stuffing. I can’t say we’ll have anyone making requests to have this at our table.
We’ll give thanks, enjoy each other’s company and relax while we call home to see about the family.
I may even throw in a few terribly clichéd family movies such as Smokey and the Bandit, The Man From Snowy River, Weird Science, Overboard or Six Pack. I have clearly carved these movies out in my mind as family movies, because Big Brother always had control of the television or VCR.
Imagine three sisters being forced to endure these movies. Yeah, seemed a bit brutal back in the day, but now I stop to watch them. It seems they provide a nice little day-dream about being with my siblings during the holidays.
When everyone goes to bed, I may then watch movies that remind me of my sisters. First up, I’ll watch Finding Neverland, which is about my favorite playwright J.M. Barrie. This movie will remind me of how much fun we had playing as children. Not near as much fun as the children on the screen, but we enjoyed each other’s company. Imagine as a child having an influence like J.M. Barrie. Yes, go on, imagine it.
What a delight it would have been, huh?
I’ll move on to girly movies like When a Man Loves a Woman, Dirty Dancing, Sixteen Candles, and Mermaids. I’ll save Mermaids for last, because I’ll need to make sure everyone is fully asleep before I cry my eyes out. This one, is truly only meant to be watched with Middle and Baby on either side of me on the couch.
Since we’re not together this year, I’ll go it alone.
After I watch a few brother driven family favorites and cry through a few lonely sister movies, I’ll find myself needing to eat something. By something, I mean everything I can find, which is what one does when feeding emotions. Of course, I’ll eat food that reminds me of home. Mostly it’ll be comfort food and then a side of beef, because you don’t come from Middle America and eat fish when missing family, you just don’t.
I’ll make sure I’ve stocked the pantry with chocolate, everything I need to bake my famous chocolate chip cookies, salads with pudding as a main ingredient, pasta with lots of cheese, chips and dip, and a small appearance by Little Debbie’s snacks.
So yeah, it should be fun and you should definitely stick around this week and see how it plays out. It may turn into an on-screen love affair with J.M. Barrie. It could be that my two children will created havoc about the house, like the children in the movie Overboard.
Oh, and I wouldn’t count out the possibility of a dramatic finish: my death by Little Debbie, often a coin flip when I’m not with my siblings for the holidays. I giggle at the thought, yet look forward to my week.
Legends of Windemere: Allure of the Gypsies
Release Date – December 1st, 2013
The epic adventures of Luke Callindor and Nyx continue after their journey down the L’Dandrin River in Legends of Windemere: Prodigy of Rainbow Tower.
Reeling from his failures in their previous adventure, Luke leads his surviving friends to his hometown. With his mind frayed and his confidence fractured, Luke must face the family and fiancée he left behind. It is a brief homecoming when the vampire Kalam attacks the village, forcing Luke and Nyx to break into his lair for the key to resurrecting a fallen warrior. It is a quest that will force both young heroes to reach new heights of strength and power that they never knew they had.
Can Luke and Nyx escape the lair of Kalam? And, what role will the orphaned gypsy Sari play in their looming destiny.
Previous Books in the Legends of Windemere Series:
Author
Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.
I’ve been working on another moment in my short story, She Waits With Music. This poem came to me last night.
My Muse
Ask with eyes casted down, will you give?
Reveal my slow hands, do you receive?
Feel every heart beat, can you handle it?
Fall as any woman would, do you accept?
Lost in your eyes, as blue as the sky.
A classic story; I’ll be yours, you’ll be mine.
Minds crescendoing; another night’s dream.
I wasn’t going to do it. Then I decided I was. I decided again that I wasn’t. But then I decided I was…in the end, I didn’t.
Have you ever had one of these days? I’m having one. I admit that I am notorious for being a terrible decision maker. I may even have a bumper sticker that says so. I don’t have one, but I suppose I should. I’ve been wrestling with why I’m a constant shoulder raiser and shrugger. Admit it, you just raised your shoulder a bit and then dropped it while thinking, “I don’t care…” I’ve not come up with any hardcore reasons of explanation for my inability to make a decision, but these three could be part of the problem.
I could say that it’s because I was raised with three siblings who always had an opinion on what to do for fun, just ask them, they’ll agree. Yes, possibly, it’s in my personality to be a bit of a pushover. At some point, don’t we grow out of requiring ourselves to be polite and agreeable towards going with the flow? I can’t say for sure this is the reason why. The only other explanation I have is that I truly enjoy living life through other people’s eyes. I’m game for just about anything, as long as it’s reasonable.
Growing up with siblings taught me a variety of lessons. I’ve already given you a small look into our roles with my post on birth order and how it seemingly shaped our relationships. Many of us, who were raised in a family with siblings, can relate to the concept of taking turns during childhood. We’ve all been pulled along for a sibling’s big event. We’ve sat through their wish list opportunities over and over again. We learned how to rationalize why often times their need turned out to be a bit more important than our need or wish on any given day. Taking turns is what we do to survive growing up. It still isn’t without its struggles.
I understand that as children we didn’t quietly hand over the baton. I have the battle wounds to prove it. Let me just get real with you for a second, long finger nails do serious damage to arms. Ouch. So I’m not saying we were good at it in the beginning, but in the end we got it figured out and learned to enjoy each others accomplishments. As a result, we often times prefered each other’s company and enjoyed the randomness of our events, because we were also friends. It was easy to allow for their ideas to be the best idea. I relied on it often, it was easier on me.
Yeah, I’m also a pushover, yet I prefer you call me a pleaser, and it gets me into trouble. I’ll never forget the year I agreed to be my son’s first grade room parent. The yes’, the sures and the I’d love toos are in major abundance when you take on a job like that. I had no idea what I’d agreed to do or that a year’s salary would go towards keeping that classroom afloat. Wow, now that’s some going with the flow you can’t prepare yourself for, no matter how you slice it. There are way more qualified people for that job and they want it, so I gladly hand that over and take on the role as the doer. You live and you learn, my friends.
I like being a little worker bee, just give me the job and I’ll do it. I’ll do it quickly and correctly. I’ll do it that way because I have my own agenda and would like to get back to it. Yes, I’m a bit selfish, too. I’m happy to help, but I like what I like when I like it, so don’t push it too far.
What’s wrong with going with the flow? I like making people happy. To me, it seems natural to devote time to their event and watch the faces of those I love enjoy life. Recently, I was asked to help make a decision on where to have dinner. It seems easy enough and you get to offer up an idea that will make you super happy. Should be a no brainer, right? Don’t ask me that one. Especially if you also don’t make decisions well, we’ll be on that merry-go-round for a long time and the bottle of wine we drink while deciding, will keep us from going anywhere. We’ll have to order in. Be my guest, decide where we’re going. I’ll give you my opinion and if I’ve been there recently, I’ll let you know, but I’ll still go with you.
Yeah, I know, lay down on the couch, Aud.
When I have a great idea we’ll get to it, I have faith we will, so no hurry. I’m much easier to entertain than some folks, but what I do have an opinion on rarely gets modified. I dig my heals in. Shrugging my shoulder seems, simply enough, like an allowance of the opportunity to enjoy, so take me up on it. What I really want to do, I’m usually doing already, so the joke could be on the other person. It’s their time and attention I was craving, so I already got what I wanted.
This spoken by a true sister.
I was subjected to two events this month which left me annoyed. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them. The first of the annoying crimes was at a book signing, yes I blame myself, it was my choice to attend. The second, was at a day conference on National Educator’s Day at the Houston Zoo, yes again I agreed to go, but it was work related, so I didn’t really have a choice.
Both events had one person in attendance that caused a ruckus. Done so rudely that it made this red head want to turn around and smack’em. Yes, that’s what I said. Can I explain why? Strangely enough the same sort of offense was acted upon at each event, and it happens to be one of my biggest pet peeves. Shall we go back to the crimes, so you can live their offense through my eyes?
During the question and answer portion of the recent book signing I attended, a woman clear in the back, where it was all shadowy and dark, had her daughter ask a question. For the record, I do not blame the child for the offense you are about read. And as a side note, she should come live with me because the mother will ruin her daughter if this type of travesty continues. (Okay, well I may be overreacting a bit.)
The daughter was dressed super cute. Her hair was combed well. She wore clean and pressed clothing, which were used to help disguise the little darling. Worst of all the young woman had a sweet smile, so it was easy to call on her and ask her to share her adorable question.
The poor author, she just wanted to talk about her book. No one wants to handle an under age heckler.
This is the question I heard from fifteen rows behind me: “My mom says that on page 187 (or whatever page it was) you used “to” instead of “too”. It is obviously incorrect. Why did you do that?”
Oh mercy, the nerve of some people. To use a child to further your personal ridiculousness is so offensive to me. Come now!
The author then had to spend time, what precious time she had to talk about her book, to explain copy editors. For crying out loud, do you know how many questions we missed because of this mother’s question? (One, possibly two, but that’s not the point.) The need this parent had to look smarter than the author, or possibly slap it to her, makes me wonder. I just shake my head.
Do you think I’m right? Should she have asked that question, what was her motive, or just politely over look the mistake?
Moving on!
National Educator’s Day was the perfect date to sign up for continued hours of education. It just so happens that the Houston Zoo had a well thought out conference for teachers to attend. It offered a chance to learn new science facts, a bit of freshening up on the subject, a wide look into the relationship between trainer and animal, and how it translates into the classroom. I was happy to learn at the Houston Zoo with fellow teachers. We looked forward to quick crafty ideas for our younger children, science ideas and an overall experience that would create teachable moments back in the classroom. It’s what we all signed up for, all but one of us, that is.
Our day began at 9:30am with an early morning show by the sea lions. It was an opportunity to witness the relationship between trainer and animal. An easy translation to the student teacher relationship and the care needed for the child to benefit, yet remain who they truly are inside. Teachers invest time learning how each child operates. We want to know what it is that gets them excited, so we can best teach and serve them. Educated, even dedicated, zoo trainers also have an obligation to love and learn from the animals they’ve spent their entire lives studying.
Teachers and trainers want to enhance the God given talents of those we are trusted with on a daily basis. It was interesting to see that some animals have a trust level, as well. Yeah, I got it. A sea lion is a child and our children are sea lions. Pretty simple concept, I could relate and it was going to be a great day.
A sea lion at the Houston Zoo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
It was a day full of science. We all took information away that was useful in the classroom. Pure, simple and a fun way to further reach the children we educate daily. The Houston Zoo did a fantastic job. My last session of the day was a full on question and answer series with the Director of Trainers and Education and his top Sea Lion Trainer, yep we were about to wrap it all up into a pretty little bow.
A quick look inside the life of a trainer, a glimpse into why they chose to hold numerous degrees in this field of work, and why they love what they do for these animals. That’s all it was, just a chance to learn a bit and have a laugh about how easily I could take my teaching experiences and become a sea lion trainer.
Ha. Children and sea lions, they really are very similar beings.
The questions were flowing and the trainer held our attention well. He was dressed as if he’d just come off safari. Yes, let us take a moment to relish how that looked…okay, done? A minute more then? Sure. Yeah, he was easy on the eyes and a bit of a flirt with the crowd. The sea lions were not fools, they’d do anything for their favorite fish. It appears teachers will do just about anything for a bright smile and a bit of enthusiasm, but I digress.
Let me speed this up a bit for you. He explained to us how he gained the trust of the sea lion to better care for them and learn more about what they need, but also to showcase what they’re capable of doing effortlessly, once trust has been established.
Then the crazy lady raised her hand. Again I had sat myself front and center, because if I don’t I become a teachers worst nightmare. I become the class clown and find myself jockeying for the attention of the guy on the stage. I can’t help who I am.
Anyway, if I had been behind this lady I could have warned the trainer that her mannerisms were tainted at best. Her question had something to do with whether or not zoos should exist, mostly if the animals deserved to live in the zoo’s unnatural environment. After she asked her question, I turned around and looked at her. Her face wore shades of red and the scowl she had permanently tattooed to her face wasn’t friendly at all. She had an agenda. She wanted to debate, she wanted to call him out and possibly throw red paint all over him, but this was just my take on it. She had a series of questions planned to just slowly bait him. I saw it coming. I couldn’t stop it, I was only one person.
The red head in me started making a move with my right hand, I was about to get up and defend. I had to hold my breath and force myself to turn back around. This was not the time nor the place. I wanted to tell her that the platform for this type of questioning was one for another day or possibly out those doors over there and down the street.
The poor trainer probably gets accosted multiple times a day with questions about whether or not zoos are the best environment for wild animals. He was adorable, just trying to make a living by doing what his boss asks of him (this question and answer pony show), and in the process figure out how to work in his agenda to save these animals. He handled it well and he encouraged her to come to him at the end for a discussion. It was his body language during this volley back and forth that I watched, it obviously made him uncomfortable, I sensed that it made him uncomfortable because he also viewed it as out of order.
He offered her the chance to come down afterwards so they could have a discussion on whether or not zoos were evil. I think, it was a fair offer. Her attacking him during class, not fair. I have no doubt that the conversation would have been interesting. Smart points given for either side. This event was not created for that discussion and she knew it.
It annoyed me.
She was rude.
I don’t like rude.
Do you want to know if she came down at the end of class? What do you think?
Of course she didn’t!
No, the spotlight was off of her and she slithered out of class. The woman wasn’t truly interested in the debate, she just wanted to stir it up.
To both of them I say, “Rude! You, Madam are rude!”
What a day I’m having. Trying to focus on getting my Tuesday Teachings post out, but until then enjoy this quote. I’m leaning into this one today. Truly I am.
“Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”
― Neil Gaiman, Coraline
Okay, so am I the only one who’s forgotten that people watch and listen to what we say? I totally forgot. And they do! They really, really, really do! The people we live life with pay close attention. They’re even mindful of who we are and how we conduct ourselves. It’s a scary thought. It’s always good to find out that I’m being listened to and that friends are paying attention to what I have to say. I appreciate their thoughtfulness. Recently my simple words of encouragement got me singled out. I got a verbal hand slap. I was shocked! I was just conversing with the people around me when I was called out for routinely standing up for others.
It wasn’t gossip.
I refuse to call it that because I was being positive.
Apparently, I see the good in everyone. It’s a news flash people, sit up and take notice.
It was brought to my attention the other day. I’m still trying to make sense of it all. It seems that I come off as being a bit too positive and rational. This tragedy has allowed others to see the goodness inside the human beings we share life with daily.
Tisk tisk tisk!
Then to further perpetuate the situation, I also have the audacity to then share everyone’s best qualities, unknowingly, to others when names come up. I guess the instigator sees me as entirely too positive.
Who do I think I am? Gesh, the nerve of myself.
I know, I’m sorry.
No, I’m not.
I just don’t see any other way. I’ve known a few Debbie Downers in my lifetime and I love’em. I tend to take them on as projects to some degree. I try to help them see the goodness that life has to offer and not the yuck of it all. I’ve listened to their ho hums and it makes me sad to hear that they aren’t enjoying much. It affects me and I want them to change. Life’s too short.
I wanna shout, “Grab the horns people, let’s go! We’ve got stuff to do and simply no time to do it in.”
I’m a positive person. I like to see the goodness in everyone else, shoot me right where I stand.
The woman who called me out on it is also an extremely positive person. Quiet frankly, I see her as the Positive Polly way more often than I see myself. I mean honestly, we both tend to wear those pretty Positive Polly pants as often as possible. So when she called me out I was shocked, yet then kinda proud of myself, cause I know what scurries around my brian most days.
I also see the annoying things that people do, the nutty way they live their lives and the choices that they make, but I can’t dwell on it. I have plenty of my own bad choices, so I refuse to start picking up sticks and poking eyes.
Does being so positive leave me vulnerable towards falling for anything? I suppose it does, but I’d like to think I see through muck. I was born with a keen ability for being able to shuffle through the B.S. My parents did not raise a fool. I’m happy to see the good in everyone and to pass your goodness on to others, but don’t be fooled. I am well aware of the shenanigans of others. I do my best not to judge.
It’s a daily reminder for me not to judge anyone. I’ve been on the other side of judgement and it hurts. I’ve taken what I’ve learned over the years and tried to make an effort to see commendable aspects of the people around me. I try to amplify their positive traits in hopes that they will hear of it. My hope is that they’ll then try harder to be the person I know they truly are. I suppose in the end I do wear pretty Positive Polly pants a lot, it could be worse.
It’s been a productive morning around here, yet my coffee pot’s empty and its lead me to wonder whether I make more or drink water. Laugh with me as we sing along…I refuse to believe I’m the red-headed muppet in this scene, yet I identify and feel a pull towards her enthusiasm!
Just so we’re clear, I’m cool. I’m very, very, very cool! Happy Friday!
Today, while focusing on my class during recess, I noticed a woman walking towards the church. I immediately observed that as she walked, she also alternately carried or rolled a suitcase behind her. It was folded up flat and it blew around with the wind as she fought with it. The suitcase held a flowery print and it was black in color, it seemed that the two wheels attached to the bag were in good working order. The bag was empty. She had a bit of a messy walk about her. I have no idea whether it was due to her age or if a substance was controlling how she managed herself, but either way her walk caught my eye.
I can’t recall the colors that would reveal how she was dressed or if her shoes seemed decent for the cool 40 degree weather we were experiencing. The aging woman didn’t have a coat on her thin body. She wore long pants and sleeves, this I cataloged in my mind.
It takes a while to walk to the back doors of the church from the rear parking lot. It was a long distance for someone who appeared to have walked her way into the area. There was no need for me or the children to feel threatened. I gave a quick thankful prayer that the food bank was inside and available to fill so many needs. I watched her clear the weed infested crumbling curb without much trouble. She walked the cold sidewalk and entered the double doors like she’d visited the church previously. She walked inside.
I can only assume she was probably feeling relief as the warm air healed her cold hands. I didn’t think of her again. She was out of my sight. I turned my attention back to the children. I found comfort knowing she would be taken care of shortly after finding the correct office.
A few minutes went by, probably fifteen, it would have been less if she would’ve had the ability to walk in a quicker fashion. When she reappeared, faster than I had expected, I was instantly reminded of the hour. I watched her walk away from the heavy church doors. Her head hung down and her bag was no longer being carried by her arms. It was rolling behind her now, bouncing back and forth, from one wheel to the other like an empty trailer being pulled by a truck going way too quickly down a highway. She wasn’t going swiftly, but it was obvious that her temperament had changed. It occurred to me quite readily that she hadn’t gotten what she had walked so far to receive.
The reason her bag was still empty was obvious, and it hit me hard. My heart hurt instantly and still does. She had missed the opportunity to fill her bag due to the time of day. The hours had expired, as well as any chance of finding someone who had the authority to get to where the food was kept. I wanted to run out to her, and ask her if my assumptions were true.
Excuse me, Ma’am? By chance, were you in search of food to fill your bag?
Yes. I will have to try again another day.
No, we’ll go. We’ll fill it together. Just let me get my class. Run quickly little darlings, we’ll just be gone a minute. Let’s go down to the corner, no one will miss us if we just hurry.
No Ma’am, they aren’t all mine. I just tend to them a few hours a day.
Now, do you need three cans of this, how about four of that? We’ll get them all and you can decide how to prepare them. Yes, all of them and I’m very sure.
No, let me handle that.
I enjoyed our ride, too. I must hurry back…
Then, as the children played happily, I realized I was still on the playground, nothing had changed and she was gone. I have no idea if she turned left or right. I’d lost her.
From that moment on, I feared that I should have made the effort to run after her.
I unknowingly had played the moment out in my mind. I watched myself grab her hands as I walked her to my vehicle. I saw myself driving her to the store on the corner. I visioned us walking the isles. I grabbed everything in my immediate space, while dropping items into our cart I encouraged her to get everything she needed. I saw myself checking her out and putting the food inside her bag. I saw myself then driving back to the church and dropping her off right where she had first caught my eye.
I saw her walking away with both wheels on the ground. I saw that the bag weighing her down and settling her path. I watched her walk steadily away. I can’t tell you what her face looks like. I may never forget her walk.
My mind is on rewind. I picture her bag constantly. The knots in my stomach send me to my knees. Who was she, did she have children to feed? A husband too old to walk with her, was he home hungry? What was running through her mind as she walked back the way she came?
I keep replaying this moment today.
Had I grabbed the children and ran after this woman would I be in jail tonight? I assume it was the only fear that I had. It kept me from jumping the fence and pushing a stranger and gaggle of children into my car, as I cried out that we were headed on some sort of field trip.
I find myself no longer being able to sit with myself. I fight the urge to walk the dark streets of a neighborhood, one I know nothing about, in an effort to find her. It seems the only way to forgive myself for not acting out today. In essence, to right my wrong.
That blasted empty bag and crooked walk needed me. I came home and cooked. I stuffed my family full. Portions out of control, it occurred to me that I was trying to find a way to fix how I still felt. What am I to do?
Thankful
I’d rather remain in bed,
I’m thankful You raise me.
I’m shouting frustrations,
I’m thankful You calm me.
I’m lost and wandering about,
I’m thankful You’re with me.
I’m weak as tears roll down my face,
I’m thankful You see through me.
I’m not who You created me to be,
I’m thankful You stand beside me.
I’m feeling emptiness in my heart,
I’m thankful You work to find me.
I’m content with evilness inside me,
I’m thankful Your grace reminds me.
I have doubts I am who You say I am,
I’m thankful You made me.
I don’t know,
I’m thankful You do.
Oscar
Obsessively orthodox, you never stray.
Super savorer, you’ve never met a food you didn’t love.
Cutest canine, your smooshed face sealed the deal years ago.
Apologetic ally, you’ll be forgiven in minutes with those sad eyebrows.
Royal reverence, you’d wag your tail and follow me anywhere, if only I’d ask.
There is nothing like logging in and seeing notifications from fellow bloggers and friends. Recently, I had two friends stop by to let me know that they had chosen me for the Sunshine Award. I think this award is fantastic and let me tell you why. It’s fantastic because I
feel like I was born radiating sunshine, so me getting this seems predestined, right? I mean just look at this baby picture…
Crazy, right? I’m glowing, here. This red hair of mine has forever been a beacon of light, but I’ve gotten used to it. 😉
No, in all seriousness, I couldn’t be more appreciative of this award. The award comes from two ladies who have been such helpful consultants and frequent commentors on my blog. They help me feel like I belong on WordPress. I’d love it if you stopped by and give them some love.
The Library Lady and Rosie Bear : Geanie, a.k.a Library Lady, is a fellow bookaholic and still enjoys the company of Rosie Bear, her childhood pal. The two of them can make you laugh through stories and book reviews. Geanie has a way of making you feel like you’re in the room with her. I like that, a lot. She has a heart of gold, so stop by when you get a chance.
Princess of the Light: Shining the Light For All: MRS. N, the Author is very busy with NaBloPoMo, but her main focus is getting her book, Princess of the Light, published. MRS. N spreads sunshine consistently on her blog. She’s worth checking out, send her well wishes as she carries out her dream.
Now, to keep with the rules of this award I have to share ten random facts about myself. I’ve gotten this award before, so now I’m technically offering out twenty random facts about myself. I feel like that’s quite a lot, if I get this award again there may not be many secrets left for me. Well, there would be a few. 😉 Y’all better not laugh at me. Or do, I can laugh at myself, quite easily, I assure you. Honesty, is one of my best/worst traits, if you ask I will share. Just like eye contact, if someone gives it to me, then I return the favor. This act leaves me no choice, since Geanie and MRS. N shared, I will also share.
I wish I had some intro music…or David Letterman.
1. I love plain cheesecake. Don’t ever ask me if I want nuts, chocolate, fruit, cookies or a drizzling of any sort on my cheesecake. I can’t get excited about that with you. You’re on your own there, friend. Why mess up a good thing, that’s my question to you.
2. I had two 4-H steers growing up. The first one was a Hereford-Angus cross named Panda. I loved him so much. Next was Dude, he was a pain in the butt and he lived up to his name. He loved having his hair blown-out and waved or curled for show. Obviously, he was a diva.
3. I love cowboys. My dad’s nickname is Cowboy. I come from a long line of cowboys/cowgirls.
4. When You Say Nothing At All, by Keith Whitley is a favorite song of mine. I love everything about his voice and the music put to the words, fantastic. Begin Again, by Taylor Swift is another one I’ll share. The writing, is beautiful and I find myself listening to the words frequently. I love the story she tells.
5. I miss riding around in the pick-up with my brother. He’s one of my favorite cowboys and living sixteen hours from him makes me sad. He’s my favorite cook, he fixes everything, he can two-step better than my father, he lets me ride in the Case IH or semi with him, he taught me how to drive a three-on-the tree in Old Blue…oh yeah, this was supposed to be about me. Oops. ((lost in thought))
6. My favorite vacation spot is in the Colorado Rockies. Summer after summer we’d drive up and stay in Eldora, CO at my great uncle’s cabin. It was their summer home and break from California. The cabin was my happy place. I fear that the cousins who have it now, don’t appreciate it quite the same way my father’s family does.
7. My nickname is Aud, and oddly enough I prefer odd numbers. I have a sister who prefers even numbers. Imagine the fight over how the egg carton should look. 🙂 She thinks they all need a buddy. I believe having one stand alone in the column shows independence and bravery. Self confidence, if you will. (I know, it’s just an egg. Who cares…)
8. My dream is to have a porch big enough for all of my friends. We’d sit together, talk about everything, sing familiar songs, I’d feed them, oh how we’d laugh, I’d love on them, offer them ice tea, even sweetened if they preferred, and then make them pinky promise to come back again tomorrow.
9. I’m interested in the Salem witch trials. I cannot imagine living during that time period. The Shape of Mercy, if you’re interested in a fiction story on the events of that time, is a good look inside. I don’t believe in witchcraft. What actually happened during the course of one year (1692-1693) makes my stomach turned over and over again.
10. If I can’t build you up, then who will? I love what God has put me here to do, I honestly do. XOXO
A Happy Halloween! I hear that the rain will be keeping all the children inside today. Halloween cancelled? Maybe, how strange. I have a little green Witch that will be so sad…
Oh, and this pumpkin masterpiece, created two years ago, by the little boy who grew up this year and doesn’t feel a need to consider Halloween. New role for him?
Candy Benefactor, I suppose.
Rain rain go away…
Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister 