Change Is Good

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I know, the holidays are offically over now. Sad? Shall we take a moment? Better? Me, too. Let’s hug it out. Okay, great!

I’m processing the much anticipated visit that I had with my three siblings, in Nebraska, a few weeks ago. In retrospect, I’m very disappointed in Big Brother, Baby and Middle. Actually, they should be ashamed of themselves. Their behavior was out of line. I believe I was suckered into being made to look like a clown, but I’ll let you be the judge.

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Well Wouldn’t Ya Know It

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I came across some interesting news over the holidays. Did you know that if you Google my name, Audrey Dawn, the first page of info will be about porn? Yes, that’s right, Audrey Dawn is a porn star, as well. Let’s cue the music, shall we?

Bow Chica Wow Wow…

I have to say that I’m pretty thrilled she isn’t a redhead. Can you imagine me trying to explain away that misunderstanding? The details are sketchy but I’m fairly certain that my physical features do not mirror hers. I can almost hear the stampede of men leaving right now to investigate. Thanks a lot guys.

I’ve got to get to my point and quick.

So yeah, curiosity hit me. I Googled Audrey Dawn. Oh joy! I share my name with a few others as well, just none with a profession as exciting as porn. Porn Audrey Dawn is a character from a movie. The movie is from a few years ago. The actress who played her is also linked to our name. What I’m wondering now is can I overcome the rather “large” presence and possible domain over our name. Can I possibly become the #1 Audrey Dawn without resorting to porn?

I did a lot of reading over the holidays and everyone is talking about change. I read about new blogging directions, stats, growing an audience, and even marketing yourself. It wasn’t my intention to learn more, basically I fell right into it here on WordPress. I found it interesting. Actually, I found that the why it’s important to us was much more compelling.

The ultimate goal is in front of all of us. I suppose very few are as unaware as I am as to where the finish line’s located. It’s here somewhere. I remember reading about it and maybe even seeing a picture once.

We should follow strong and seasoned writers. The best sellers of the world have much to say and we should entertain it. I also find it imperative to follow writers who seem to be running the same speed. If you’d like, I’ll read to you of Tortoise and the Hare. I understand the reasons for keeping pace with those you want to challenge or overtake. It’s when it becomes too important that I worry. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself. You are where you’re supposed to be right now. You’ll get to those other places when you’re meant to and not a page sooner.

I didn’t want to discover this Google information, but I wonder if I’m stuck with it now. Am I always going to be Second Page Audrey Dawn? Is there a chance that I can overcome Porn Audrey Dawn? I lean towards waving a white flag and accepting my place in Google’s rankings.

I mean I’m good, but I’m not that good. She’s working with plastics, make-up and good lighting. I simply have make-up, blue ink in my pen and clean white paper. Do you hear her sinking my battleship? You weren’t supposed to say yes.

Oh! Never fear, Aud’s here and I’m going to overcome all the other Audrey Dawns because I’m a glutton for punishment.

I figure I can:

1. give it all I’ve got.

2. keep my eye on the prize.

3. have spark in my sparkle.

4.  can be all I can be.

5. beat her at the Audrey Dawn Game.

What I’ve learned from this experience is that when you start wondering about yourself it makes me wonder about myself. Yeah, I know. I have bigger problems yet to face. Your posts executed my thinking on how unaware I am over how I’m doing. I caved. I Googled myself and now it seems that I’ll be searching myself a lot more frequently to see how I’m measuring against her. (No, I won’t.)

My guess is that very few of you are competing with a story about porn. Scratch that, everyone seems to be competing with porn, so I should focus on what I was doing before I Googled my name. Anyone else get the sense that I’m talking to myself? Even the woman are like…Well just let me go have a look…

I think I’ll investigate Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister from now on and leave Audrey Dawn alone for a while.

Mental Canvas

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Doesn’t a long excursion to the country sound extravagant during the Christmas season? Who has time for that, right? I want one anyway and I aim to get it. I do some of my best thinking on an empty road. Today, I prefer an open road, one without much traffic and very few trees to block my view. I want to see for miles.

Do you ever feel like the city walls are closing in on you? I’m thankful that in the surrounding areas of Houston we have nature reserves, lakes, bayous, and plenty of lifestyle nature parks for a quick retreat. Unfortunately, parks aren’t what I’m looking for this morning.

I recall having a conversation with my Grandma K while driving near Superior, Wisconsin years ago. I was up in the northern part Wisconsin visiting her and the neighboring areas. We had decided to rise early, drive to Lake Superior, then board a ferry all in an effort to experience Madeline Island for the day. I made a mental note to acknowledge how important this time with my grandmother would be and I’d chosen not to let it slip away once my visit was over. Time with our beloved grandparents will slip away from us, we all know it will.

Our wilderness drive was producing a lot of laughter. We’d successfully updated everyone in the car on how life was going and even pulled off at a road side store to purchase cheese curds. Stopping for cheese is a welcomed event. An experience you don’t put off for another time just because you have a scheduled day ahead of you. We were relishing our time together. We’ve never had enough time together.

Stop. Back to the cheese. I can’t focus until we talk for a second about Wisconsin cheese.

Northern Wisconsin is an adventure in of itself, but they also have great cheese. When driving in this part of our country, buy cheese when the cheese curd opportunity beckons you from the side of the road. You pull over and you purchase more than you think you need. You must eat cheese when you see cheese, and you’ll do it happily. Trust me. There is no other way, not if you’re going to pay homage to the cheese respectfully.

Okay, back to Grandma and my need for a lucid drive.

Anyway, we were on the road and I think every story she or I shared had been interpreted. This delay was by me saying something similar or even exactly to, “Just look at the trees, Grandma. They’re everywhere and so beautiful, you must never get tired of looking at them.”

To that she replied with an absolute reaction. “I can’t stand them.”

Yea, that’s Grandma K, she doesn’t mince her words.

She grew up in Wisconsin, raised her family in Kansas, and moved back north when I was a child. She went on to tell me that she didn’t appreciate the tall oaks, cedars and pine trees blocking her view every day, usually all day long. She explained they inhibited her ability to see everything around her. She simplified it by comparing northern Wisconsin to Kansas. She noted that moving to the grasslands of Kansas had been startling, because she could see across the great plains for miles.

What she helped me realize is that none of the topography she encountered in Kansas blocked her mental canvas. Apparently, she preferred a clear view, and now I’m beginning to understand why. The open road of life provides a beautiful picture of this miraculous world we’ve been given. It’s satisfying to get out and experience it.

This story remains in my mind fifteen years later. At the time I remember thinking that she had a point. I can’t tell what’s beyond  the next curve, either. And yeah, it does feel a bit like the trees are closing in on me. Yet, I still found myself lost in the idea of what could happen inside those trees. I still look at groups of trees and create stories. I enjoy being surrounded by them.

What’s really funny about the whole day is that this conversation, out of all the important conversations a granddaughter should remember having with her aging grandmother, is the one that resonates with me. Our discussion still comes to mind when I go for a drive. She nailed it. She and I are similar in this need to fight our way out of the junk, which can smother our view. My mental canvas also needs an open road, if only for a short drive.

Today, our conversation weighs on my mind. Grandma’s right, being able to see the sky from left to right and witness the horizon in front of me, is what I routinely crave, as well. My drive needs to be where I can see this abundance of life that God created. I feel this gravitational pull to remember that there is a bounty of life we miss out on when we don’t get out for a drive . I owe it myself to go looking for an open road. I owe it to my mental canvas.