Mental Canvas

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Doesn’t a long excursion to the country sound extravagant during the Christmas season? Who has time for that, right? I want one anyway and I aim to get it. I do some of my best thinking on an empty road. Today, I prefer an open road, one without much traffic and very few trees to block my view. I want to see for miles.

Do you ever feel like the city walls are closing in on you? I’m thankful that in the surrounding areas of Houston we have nature reserves, lakes, bayous, and plenty of lifestyle nature parks for a quick retreat. Unfortunately, parks aren’t what I’m looking for this morning.

I recall having a conversation with my Grandma K while driving near Superior, Wisconsin years ago. I was up in the northern part Wisconsin visiting her and the neighboring areas. We had decided to rise early, drive to Lake Superior, then board a ferry all in an effort to experience Madeline Island for the day. I made a mental note to acknowledge how important this time with my grandmother would be and I’d chosen not to let it slip away once my visit was over. Time with our beloved grandparents will slip away from us, we all know it will.

Our wilderness drive was producing a lot of laughter. We’d successfully updated everyone in the car on how life was going and even pulled off at a road side store to purchase cheese curds. Stopping for cheese is a welcomed event. An experience you don’t put off for another time just because you have a scheduled day ahead of you. We were relishing our time together. We’ve never had enough time together.

Stop. Back to the cheese. I can’t focus until we talk for a second about Wisconsin cheese.

Northern Wisconsin is an adventure in of itself, but they also have great cheese. When driving in this part of our country, buy cheese when the cheese curd opportunity beckons you from the side of the road. You pull over and you purchase more than you think you need. You must eat cheese when you see cheese, and you’ll do it happily. Trust me. There is no other way, not if you’re going to pay homage to the cheese respectfully.

Okay, back to Grandma and my need for a lucid drive.

Anyway, we were on the road and I think every story she or I shared had been interpreted. This delay was by me saying something similar or even exactly to, “Just look at the trees, Grandma. They’re everywhere and so beautiful, you must never get tired of looking at them.”

To that she replied with an absolute reaction. “I can’t stand them.”

Yea, that’s Grandma K, she doesn’t mince her words.

She grew up in Wisconsin, raised her family in Kansas, and moved back north when I was a child. She went on to tell me that she didn’t appreciate the tall oaks, cedars and pine trees blocking her view every day, usually all day long. She explained they inhibited her ability to see everything around her. She simplified it by comparing northern Wisconsin to Kansas. She noted that moving to the grasslands of Kansas had been startling, because she could see across the great plains for miles.

What she helped me realize is that none of the topography she encountered in Kansas blocked her mental canvas. Apparently, she preferred a clear view, and now I’m beginning to understand why. The open road of life provides a beautiful picture of this miraculous world we’ve been given. It’s satisfying to get out and experience it.

This story remains in my mind fifteen years later. At the time I remember thinking that she had a point. I can’t tell what’s beyond  the next curve, either. And yeah, it does feel a bit like the trees are closing in on me. Yet, I still found myself lost in the idea of what could happen inside those trees. I still look at groups of trees and create stories. I enjoy being surrounded by them.

What’s really funny about the whole day is that this conversation, out of all the important conversations a granddaughter should remember having with her aging grandmother, is the one that resonates with me. Our discussion still comes to mind when I go for a drive. She nailed it. She and I are similar in this need to fight our way out of the junk, which can smother our view. My mental canvas also needs an open road, if only for a short drive.

Today, our conversation weighs on my mind. Grandma’s right, being able to see the sky from left to right and witness the horizon in front of me, is what I routinely crave, as well. My drive needs to be where I can see this abundance of life that God created. I feel this gravitational pull to remember that there is a bounty of life we miss out on when we don’t get out for a drive . I owe it myself to go looking for an open road. I owe it to my mental canvas.

Nelson Mandela

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A World Weeps

You Sir, armed with peace and love, you lived.

You Sir, Father of a Nation, you lead humanity.

You Sir, generous hearted and brave, chose to be a man.

You Sir, prepared to live or die for equality, sat out a belief.

You Sir, had a fist pump across the world, triumphed over fear.

You Sir, changed hearts forever, grasping equality will persevere.

English: Nelson Mandela in Johannesburg, Gaute...

R.I.P. Neson Mandela

Great Grandma Elsie

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At the end of the day a brown mending basket and sewing kit sit next to the bed,

Buttons to sew and seams to stitch all in a neat pile, please fix this, they said.

When did Grandma Elsie’s patching duties submit themselves to Audrey?

Choosing to blink, now dreaming of ingredients to couple with yeast.

 Yes, its possible, a modern woman working the flour, is it only me?

Will recipes materialize, should be better than the garbage we eat.

Slow progression to Great Grandma Elsie’s bakery, it seems.

I look in the mirror at this red curly, crazy hair.

I can’t help but see her familiar stare.

Who the heck is this person I see,

 When did I

become

Elsie?

Wednesday’s Window: Show and Tell

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It pains me to consider what I’d do if my bookshelf went up in flames today.

I find this little show and tell situation a bit daunting. Who could choose just five books? Well, I know I couldn’t, let’s start there. I decided that in order to make this a bit easier on myself, I’d simply choose one from each shelf on my bookcase.

No, I didn’t go and rearrange my favorites in order to save them. I think that limiting myself to a shelf at a time helped to increase the atmosphere. You know it fed into that philosophical way of thinking that we all share:

RULES IS RULES, PAL!

I’m quoting Spanky from the Little Rascals, incase you need a reference. He’s President of the He-Man Wuman Hater’s Club, if you want his credentials before agreeing to my strict guidelines. 😉

1. A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness – I choose this novel based on the way the author writes her men. My heart starts beating faster just thinking of Harkness’ Matthew. This one is an extreme guilty pleasure because it’s about vampires and witches. Two photos come to mind when I think of this book:

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2. The Bible. No other explanation needed if you’ve been reading my blog for any time at all. I relate to Moses. Kindred souls, are we. Well, not the killing, the breaking of the Commandment tablets or 40 day walk, but more like,

Exodus 4:10 Moses said to the Lord, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” 11 The Lord said to him, ” Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

Yeah, more like that measure of Moses, the burning bush version.

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3. The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway

Have you ever needed to go so far deep into yourself to find courage that continuing on down the black hole of your soul frightens you? And then were you shocked that you found peace there? You, too? We should talk.

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4. Fall of Giants by Ken Follett

I’m choosing this one, because I started it thinking my friend, Wendie, was crazy for recommending a book this size. I didn’t have time to read this beast of a book.  The book was humongous, extremely historical and most of all…bloody fantastic. I never thought this genre would sweep me off my feet, but it has a way of going about it. Sneaky, it is!

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5. As You Like It by William Shakespeare

*** “All the world’s a stage

And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts …” ***

We must remember to play each of our given roles, am I right? Oh, I think we need coffee for this one. Nothing like a good story about reconciliation and forgiveness, the countryside, forests of France and a chance to read about every aspect of love in one place. What am I doing? I can’t even begin to find the words for how much I enjoy this one.

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That’s it, I’m done!! Play along or don’t play. It really doesn’t bother me either way. That rhymes… 😉

( I hope there is never a fire, because this little “get to know me game” stressed me out. Hope my books forgive me.)

Tuesday Teachings: Writers Are Affected

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*Definition of  – *

sus·cep·ti·ble [suh-sep-tuh-buh l] 

3. capable of being affected emotionally; impressionable.

** So that means **

non·sus·cep·ti·ble [non-suh-sep-tuh-buh l]

3. incapable of being affected emotionally; nonimpressionable.

*** Either way, we’re affected ***

Affected to stay the same or affected to change, I’d say.

******************************************************************************

Writers Are Affected

In spite of everything, remember, when life’s dead-end is staring you in the face:

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
-Richard Bach

Your moment is coming, in spite of everything…

Nonetheless, if nothing else, please know that you are more than allowed to:

Risk more than others think is safe.
Care more than others think is wise.
Dream more than others think is practical.
Expect more than others think is possible.
-Claude Bissell

You are allowed to be you, if nothing else.

At any rate, frankly, when the easy choice is to walk away:

When you feel like giving up,
remember why you held on for so long in the first place.
-unknown

A Community is here to help you, if you chose to stay, when the easy choice is to walk away.

You teach best (Photo credit: Thalita Carvalho)

Monday’s eMotional Oldest Daugher: December Rituals

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When we put our family Christmas tree up we assume our specific tree trimming roles graciously. It amazes me every year. Boy, we are a trained bunch. Whose fault is that? Yeah, probably mine. My husband gets everything out of storage and assembles the tree. Bless him, he even fixes the lights when our tree’s lights get unruly.

Pre-Lit Christmas trees can have some of the most unruly lights. I’d throw the tree through the window, but not my husband. Cool as a cucumber, he’s over there deciding on his plan of attack. He’s the cool blonde type. I’m the temper flaring red head type. It’s obvious that this is the role for him. He’d prefer to handle the lights, as replacing windows isn’t his idea of fun.

With everyone sick over Thanksgiving Break, we had plenty of time on our hands for a slow tree decorating event. Why is everyone always sick during the holidays? Can’t a girl get a break?? Anyway, here’s how our Christmas tree turned out:

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My role is to unpack all the ornaments, because I’m pretty obsessive about how they are to be unpacked. Original packaging is a must, so steady hands on deck only. Let me be honest, I take my job very serious. I look forward to the oohs’ and the awwwws’, as I reminisce over years past. I enjoy looking at how the kids have grown. My face reacts pleasingly as I reveal that the ornaments from my childhood survived another year:

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Have I mentioned how much I enjoy card playing? I’m looking forward to a lot of that in a few weeks while visiting Nebraska and Kansas for the Christmas holiday. Our group favorite is Pitch, but if the three sisters have their way we talk Big Brother, or at least one other person, into playing Pinochle. It’s just the best card game ever. The Card Playing Bear ornament was given to me close to 18 years ago. It reminds me of my cut throat card playing family.

I even added part of a snowflake to the picture. Watching snow fall during our visit home this year would be great. Not sure who I turn that request in to… We don’t see snow in this part of Texas. By then, I know my family will be tired of seeing snowflakes, but we’ll expect them to humor our enthusiasm over the white fluffy stuff.

The two children in this family have the job of stringing beads and hanging ornaments. I’m so glad they’re getting better at placement. See how nicely they’re spacing them out this year:

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It sure beats the signature move of clumping ornaments on one single branch. All toddlers go this route at some point, although its super cute and picture worthy at the time. Now I’ll only have to go back and fix this tree’s treasures a little bit, or this will be the year I leave the trimmings as is. The verdict is still out.

What’s your opinion? Do you rearrange the placement of the ornaments or do you leave them alone? Every year I say I’m going to leave them, then my husband sees me sneaking in after everyone has gone to bed. I can’t help it. 

Mostly, I look forward to the reason for the season. I look forward to the Christmas tradition of Advent and allowing it to remind me of why I believe what I believe. I love being reminded of how Jesus’ birth brings us hope.

This week I’m going to remember that we have hope:

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As I type this, while looking at our tree, I may even have a glimmer of hope that I’ll leave the ornaments alone…hmmm. 🙂

~Oldest Daughter

(I don’t know how to work this camera. I don’t know why the bear photo is so much darker, it is closer, I’ll admit. Anyway, I’ll get better at photo sharing.)

Fiction Friday: Winter’s Gift – Part 2

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The first part in this series can be found here. Winter’s Gift: She Rewarded His Anticipation 

*****

Necia reached her hand out to touch the light fluffy snow, the branches around them seemed to cradle the snowflakes as the winter wind blew around. Joe watched her move towards the tree he had found. She gazed at the tip of her finger as a single drop of snow raced down.

It was the longest finger he’d considered holding in ages. He placed another feather in his pocket, he silently zipped the opening as if to trap the treasures inside.

“It’s the perfect tree, Joe.” Necia offered as she turned around to face him.

“I wasn’t sure it would work at first, but after a closer look, I think it’s just as you described. I wanted you to see it first,” he replied while focusing on the pine tree. What he wanted to tell her, was that it was her approval he anticipated. He hadn’t been able to produce the reaction in her that he craved, he wanted to see her mind travel back in time. 

“I didn’t expect this so soon, I have to admit. I figured we had a few more weeks before we’d need this tree. It is the perfect one,” she admitted as her mind trailed off somewhere else. She reached up to touch more snow. “You know, for me, snow has always been the first gift of the season. Beautiful evidence, proving that the Christmas was upon us.”

Snowy pine tree branch

He was beginning to understand that it had been years since she’d seen it. He was suddenly envious of the snow and the emotions it composed inside Necia.

“I’ll take care of it then, if you believe it’s the right one,” he decided. It hadn’t occurred to him that she would agree so easily. Did she realize what the tree meant, more so what it meant that she was using words like we and need? He relaxed a bit in that moment. She had included him on a future event. Finally, as if for the first time, it made him appear as more than just someone merely existing.

Her attention towards him released a desire he’d thought was gone forever.

“Joe? Do you mind if we stay a little longer? Are you too cold to stay?” Necia asked politely.

“We can stay, I…I’ve got my jacket,” he stammered, showing his excitement, probably too quickly.

He watched her gracefully walk over to a fresh tree stump. It was the remainder of the tree he’d chopped down recently. She considered sitting down on it’s rather large trunk , which had fallen close by. He instantly felt regret. He should have finished this particular project the other day. It would have only been another hour’s worth of work, but he was anxious to get started on a side project.

Then again the unfinished work had provided a place for them to be together today. He was suddenly filled with ease over his procrastination. Looking at the trunk reminded him that he should have his axe looked at, mostly sharpened, as winter would only get tougher as the season progressed.

The muscles in his forearms twitched as he considered how he’d remember to get the axe serviced. He didn’t trust his retention with her around.

Joe never tired of watching her. She moved in such a way that he found himself obsessing over her. He welcomed the moments when she wasn’t aware of him. They finally allowed him to show his weakness for her.

“I’m clearing this spot off, if you don’t mind, Joe. I think the wind will break just behind us, if we sit here. We have an unfinished conversation I’d like to visit, if you feel up to it.” Necia proposed. Her hands wiped the icy snow away from the bark of the tree trunk.

Joe witnessed her wings flow with her as she completed the simple task of clearing a spot to sit. He observed her intently. How come she never seemed too cold or concerned for herself? It was shivery out here, but she wasn’t human, he reminded himself so rationalizing seemed like a lost cause. They had no history, yet he had a desire to shield her from the wintery conditions.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her. He wanted these unspoiled moments to continue, the feelings to stay. Necia had caught him off guard when she emerged last week, and he vowed to take advantage of what today could bring, if she came.

Joe exhaled, she had come.

Their first encounter suffered from awkwardness, as he was lost in such disbelief over Necia. He’ll never forget how she emerged through the trees. On foot, her wings spread out, each white feather just shorter than the other as they cascaded down her back, she appeared.

Snowy pine trees frame a view of blue shadows

Her feet lightly moving her along, while she made her way towards the area of the old cemetery he’d been working in. She stopped a safe distance from him and offered a shy smile.

Without eye contact, he took in as much of her in as he could without revealing the longing he’d instantly felt. She looked as though she’d caught who she was searching for, she seemed relieved.

He found himself transfixed on her glow as his voice fell through to his stomach. In that moment, Necia had taken his words right from him. She petrified him.

“Joe?” she nudged.

He flinched, instantly placing his hand on his pocket of feathers. His cheeks reacted quickly to hearing his name,”Yes, Necia, this will work fine. I’m sorry, I was thinking about, well you and our first meeting.”

“Yes, and what were you thinking about?” she challenged.

There she went again, his natural inclinations couldn’t handle the moments when she spoke so directly to him. He found himself working on finding a way to breathe. His mind was reeling over who she was and why she was here. Why did she move him so?

Who desires someone like her? It just didn’t add up right, in his mind. He fought his feelings, yet his body seemed to override his knowledge of Angels, and the job they dutifully held.

(Photo Credit: Pine Tree: Mike Rohde &  Photo Credit: Happy Sleepy)

Siblings

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Time spent with family is a priceless gift. Enjoy the laughter, make memories and remember those you can’t be with today. I plan on calling my siblings this morning, so I can remind them of how adored they truly are by their Redheaded Sister. I don’t know who I’d be without them.

Blessings to you, my friends. I am a better person because of this blog of mine. The two voices, which never get heard, are singing loudly every day and shine through each post. Thank you for reading and for being a friend. Happy Thanksgiving!!

Siblings

Home

Miss home,

acquainted voices,

familiar contact,

identical laughter.

You

Miss you,

stories unheard,

parallel memories,

similar existence.

It’s Going To Be One Of Those Weeks, Huh?

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This week while everyone is packing for trips back home, warming their kitchens in anticipation of Thanksgiving and planning their Black Friday shopping, I’ll be doing plenty of this, writing. A whole week off allows for me to catch up here, to read and relax with family and friends, who I’ve missed while trying to blog, teach, raise a family and eat.

All of these events I look forward to, but they won’t fully satisfy me this week.

I’ll be missing Big Brother, Middle Sister and Baby Sister too much to feel completely content. Unfortunately, this means everyone in our home will suffer greatly. We’ll be listening to a lot of very sad music and possibly be seen in our pajamas too much by the neighbors, but again, it’s an entire week off from school, so we’re entitled.

I laugh, but it’s true.

I look forward to Thursday, and all the cooking we’ll do as a family. We’ve never stayed home for Thanksgiving. I’ve never made a turkey, so this ought to be an experience, one I may never live down, but we charge forward anyway. I mean, Carpe diem, right? I’ll make everything that Grandma Maxine used to have on her table, all but the oyster stuffing. I can’t say we’ll have anyone making requests to have this at our table.

We’ll give thanks, enjoy each other’s company and relax while we call home to see about the family.

I may even throw in a few terribly clichéd family movies such as Smokey and the Bandit, The Man From Snowy River, Weird Science, Overboard or Six Pack. I have clearly carved these movies out in my mind as family movies, because Big Brother always had control of the television or VCR.

Imagine three sisters being forced to endure these movies. Yeah, seemed a bit brutal back in the day, but now I stop to watch them. It seems they provide a nice little day-dream about being with my siblings during the holidays.

When everyone goes to bed, I may then watch movies that remind me of my sisters. First up, I’ll watch Finding Neverland, which is about my favorite playwright J.M. Barrie. This movie will remind me of how much fun we had playing as children. Not near as much fun as the children on the screen, but we enjoyed each other’s company. Imagine as a child having an influence like J.M. Barrie. Yes, go on, imagine it.

What a delight it would have been, huh?

I’ll move on to girly movies like When a Man Loves a Woman, Dirty Dancing, Sixteen Candles, and Mermaids. I’ll save Mermaids for last, because I’ll need to make sure everyone is fully asleep before I cry my eyes out. This one, is truly only meant to be watched with Middle and Baby on either side of me on the couch.

Since we’re not together this year, I’ll go it alone.

After I watch a few brother driven family favorites and cry through a few lonely sister movies, I’ll find myself needing to eat something. By something, I mean everything I can find, which is what one does when feeding emotions. Of course, I’ll eat food that reminds me of home. Mostly it’ll be comfort food and then a side of beef, because you don’t come from Middle America and eat fish when missing family, you just don’t.

I’ll make sure I’ve stocked the pantry with chocolate, everything I need to bake my famous chocolate chip cookies, salads with pudding as a main ingredient, pasta with lots of cheese, chips and dip, and a small appearance by Little Debbie’s snacks.

So yeah, it should be fun and you should definitely stick around this week and see how it plays out. It may turn into an on-screen love affair with J.M. Barrie. It could be that my two children will created havoc about the house, like the children in the movie Overboard.

Oh, and I wouldn’t count out the possibility of a dramatic finish: my death by Little Debbie, often a coin flip when I’m not with my siblings for the holidays. I giggle at the thought, yet look forward to my week.

Cover Reveal – Legends of Windemere: Allure of the Gypsies

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Allure Final Cover-2

 Legends of Windemere: Allure of the Gypsies

Release Date – December 1st, 2013

The epic adventures of Luke Callindor and Nyx continue after their journey down the L’Dandrin River in Legends of Windemere: Prodigy of Rainbow Tower.

Reeling from his failures in their previous adventure, Luke leads his surviving friends to his hometown.  With his mind frayed and his confidence fractured, Luke must face the family and fiancée he left behind.  It is a brief homecoming when the vampire Kalam attacks the village, forcing Luke and Nyx to break into his lair for the key to resurrecting a fallen warrior.  It is a quest that will force both young heroes to reach new heights of strength and power that they never knew they had.

Can Luke and Nyx escape the lair of Kalam?  And, what role will the orphaned gypsy Sari play in their looming destiny.

Previous Books in the Legends of Windemere Series:

Beginning of a Hero

Prodigy of Rainbow Tower

Cover Artist

Author

Charles author photo B&W

Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.

Go visit and introduce yourselves to Charles and Legends of Windemere today!

Fiction Friday: Winter’s Gift: She Rewarded His Anticipation

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Joe walked up behind her, bending down fluently to pick up yet another feather that had fallen from her wings. It was like finding a penny on the street as a boy. His left hand was filling up rapidly. He noticed how pristine the feathers were and how hard it was to know where they came from as he took in the beauty of her back.

He let out a sigh of relief, yet he couldn’t make eye contact. Slowly the air left his lungs. There was a time when he could slow his own heart rate down, her standing so close to him right now didn’t allow for him to accomplish it.

One of her finest qualities was her ability to be seemingly perfect and pure, yet she was here with him. She had agreed to meet him.

nunhead cemetary

McCollin’s cemetery was a lonely place, he couldn’t remember the last time anyone needed to drive this far down the quiet road. In spite of that, this place was still his to care for daily. Tending to the souls who found rest here, his only job.

It was his assumption that getting her here would be the hard part. Angels didn’t take meetings with regular guys who had dirt under their nails. Men who could use a shave. Or so he’d thought. She was beautiful, rightly perfect and by far the best listener he’d found out here.

“Will you walk towards that tree with me?”  he asked noticing a feather float side to side all the way down to his boot. Swiftly he was down and back up without notice. Was it normal for her to lose those soft whispers? Did she know he’d kept them all?

“Yes, you know I will.” she admitted almost soundlessly.

Shocked, still he recovered with little effort, did she know she had all the control? He wanted to show her the place he’d found today, he stuffed her feathers inside his coat pocket. He made a wish for them be there later when he was alone. His proof that she existed.

“I didn’t think you’d come,” Joe admitted refusing to walk behind her. He found comfort walking just ahead of her scanning the area for anything that could harm her.

“I’ve always come to you. Have I never?” She replied as she pushed back.

It was a sight to see her walk across the grounds, she proceeded slowly. Seconds had past, yet they were already looking at the perfect tree in front of them. It startled Joe at how quickly they walked together. The pine tree had been covered by this morning’s snow. In spite of the snow, he was sure she’d still understand what drew him to this place.

“What do you think?” Joe asked after choosing to glance just over the top of her head, purposely avoiding her eyes. He just allowed his left hand to lay silently in his jacket pocket, surrounding itself with pieces of her. “Do you think we could use this one?” he whispered quietly towards her, waiting to hear if the tree provided the same feelings in her, as it had for him.

A Moment’s Desire

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I’ve been working on another moment in my short story, She Waits With Music. This poem came to me last night. 

My Muse

Ask with eyes casted down, will you give?

Reveal my slow hands, do you receive?

Feel every heart beat, can you handle it?

Fall as any woman would, do you accept?

Lost in your eyes, as blue as the sky.

A classic story; I’ll be yours, you’ll be mine.

Minds crescendoing; another night’s dream.

I’m a Shoulder Raiser, But I Make It Look Cute

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I wasn’t going to do it. Then I decided I was. I decided again that I wasn’t. But then I decided I was…in the end, I didn’t.

Have you ever had one of these days? I’m having one. I admit that I am notorious for being a terrible decision maker. I may even have a bumper sticker that says so. I don’t have one, but I suppose I should. I’ve been wrestling with why I’m a constant shoulder raiser and shrugger. Admit it, you just raised your shoulder a bit and then dropped it while thinking, “I don’t care…” I’ve not come up with any hardcore reasons of explanation for my inability to make a decision, but these three could be part of the problem.

I could say that it’s because I was raised with three siblings who always had an opinion on what to do for fun, just ask them, they’ll agree. Yes, possibly, it’s in my personality to be a bit of a pushover. At some point, don’t we grow out of requiring ourselves to be polite and agreeable towards going with the flow? I can’t say for sure this is the reason why. The only other explanation I have is that I truly enjoy living life through other people’s eyes. I’m game for just about anything, as long as it’s reasonable.

Growing up with siblings taught me a variety of lessons. I’ve already given you a small look into our roles with my post on birth order and how it seemingly shaped our relationships. Many of us, who were raised in a family with siblings, can relate to the concept of taking turns during childhood. We’ve all been pulled along for a sibling’s big event. We’ve sat through their wish list opportunities over and over again. We learned how to rationalize why often times their need turned out to be a bit more important than our need or wish on any given day. Taking turns is what we do to survive growing up. It still isn’t without its struggles.

I understand that as children we didn’t quietly hand over the baton. I have the battle wounds to prove it. Let me just get real with you for a second, long finger nails do serious damage to arms. Ouch. So I’m not saying we were good at it in the beginning, but in the end we got it figured out and learned to enjoy each others accomplishments. As a result, we often times prefered each other’s company and enjoyed the randomness of our events, because we were also friends. It was easy to allow for their ideas to be the best idea. I relied on it often, it was easier on me.

Yeah, I’m also a pushover, yet I prefer you call me a pleaser, and it gets me into trouble. I’ll never forget the year I agreed to be my son’s first grade room parent. The yes’, the sures and the I’d love toos are in major abundance when you take on a job like that. I had no idea what I’d agreed to do or that a year’s salary would go towards keeping that classroom afloat. Wow, now that’s some going with the flow you can’t prepare yourself for, no matter how you slice it. There are way more qualified people for that job and they want it, so I gladly hand that over and take on the role as the doer. You live and you learn, my friends.

I like being a little worker bee, just give me the job and I’ll do it. I’ll do it quickly and correctly. I’ll do it that way because I have my own agenda and would like to get back to it. Yes, I’m a bit selfish, too. I’m happy to help, but I like what I like when I like it, so don’t push it too far.

What’s wrong with going with the flow? I like making people happy. To me, it seems natural to devote time to their event and watch the faces of those I love enjoy life. Recently, I was asked to help make a decision on where to have dinner. It seems easy enough and you get to offer up an idea that will make you super happy. Should be a no brainer, right? Don’t ask me that one. Especially if you also don’t make decisions well, we’ll be on that merry-go-round for a long time and the bottle of wine we drink while deciding, will keep us from going anywhere. We’ll have to order in. Be my guest, decide where we’re going. I’ll give you my opinion and if I’ve been there recently, I’ll let you know, but I’ll still go with you.

Yeah, I know, lay down on the couch, Aud.

When I have a great idea we’ll get to it, I have faith we will, so no hurry.  I’m much easier to entertain than some folks, but what I do have an opinion on rarely gets modified. I dig my heals in. Shrugging my shoulder seems, simply enough, like an allowance of the opportunity to enjoy, so take me up on it. What I really want to do, I’m usually doing already, so the joke could be on the other person. It’s their time and attention I was craving, so I already got what I wanted.

This spoken by a true sister.