It Wasn’t Until Now

It wasn’t until now,
as I humbly take you in,
that I understand love.

It wasn’t until now,
feeling you all the more,
I realize I have experienced devotion.

It wasn’t until now,
while sat here cherishing you,
my decision to try is simple.

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Submersion

it’s how you sound
in your constant
here I am,
I’m not leaving
lap of consistency,
that turns me into
a believer.
even the glisten within
total darkness proves
you are you,
as swirls reach out
to touch me,
to quench.
I won’t miss the doubt,
fear
or the hiding.
complete submersion
into you,
heals.

Leaning Into Real

maybe writing this out will help me compartmentalize my thoughts
there are so many distractions as of late

The new year came in with swords drawn and a battle ensued
one I’m currently within

I’ve been rude to those around me when it was never my intention

maybe inside a daydream isn’t where I should reside, only making life worse

tangible moments, proof they exist, is where my heart currently lives

Faith begins and ends my day, serving makes sense inside my head
an inability to understand is fine, just accept me for who I am

all praise honor and glory be, yes to the Father,
and then it’s he.

He who is out there, slowly keeping pace
would begin and end my moments, but that’s only what I need.

no desire left to chase, fearful of ending back in a place where questioning motive and truth controls my each and every day.

does peace exist? are relationships worth creating…

me who’s father was gone too much, a mother who left all together
how do I believe this isn’t the pattern,
it’s happened, one after the other.

leaning into the belief, if love is meant to be

easing into a life alone, tending to sheep and children who are all too soon grown, where will I go?

Listening for the answers I know my God has planned, I pray I don’t mess this up
looking down at my empty hands.

knowing each and every piece given to me for care,
is one I’m made for and a joy to prepare.