Deemed Useless- Hiabun

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To be left here, alone with thoughts, is a risk submitted to, but then doubt creeps in around me and one ponders if there is strength enough.

Yet, it is true. We’re made to endure.

Who do I think I am? Why do I think I matter? When did I decide I was more important than another?

To see beyond myself in order to rest my mind onto what will probably occur, is torture, I think. Why would I force myself into a mess before it’s time? Am I looking to intercede, possibly control or even wish the reality of the situation away?

No. I can’t imagine a life without.

What I need feels right inside. Am I wrong?

To want with all one could muster, yet sense it may never be, confines me.

I sense myself becoming that guarded individual I know all too well. Disappointment teaches and somehow I need to figure out how to grow.

Again.

To be open to the plan waiting for me.

I willingly prepare for my days ahead, and begin listening to words I’ve felt over and over recently.

Put this dream away. There isn’t an answer.

marked dismissed

sojourner living inside

redundancy evident

17 thoughts on “Deemed Useless- Hiabun”

  2. Being afraid to say the wrong thing or interpret this one way when you meant something else, I’ll just say, You’re in my prayers, Miss A. Know you’re loved and valued!

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  4. I’m so sad that you’re feeling down and wish I had some way to convince you how wonderful and important you are, how loved and special. Your questions show that you think deeply and want to make a meaningful impact. All good, sincere people are similarly introspective. I think the answers may be in changing the things you do every day – find something that makes you feel worthy and healthy. Best wishes to you, dear friend.

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    • The change came swiftly. This space allows me to send my thoughts out and away so that I may find peace with the change I didn’t ask for, Shari. Please know I’m aware of how needed I am. I have purpose and enjoy so much of what my life affords me. Is my heart broken? Yes. Is it for the best? Not for me to decide. My every day routine took a serious hit. One I am not sure I am equipped for, yet I’ve no choice. Please don’t worry. Goodness me. I’m a survivor. Thank you ♡

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  6. “Who do I think I am? Why do I think I matter? When did I decide I was more important than another?”

    Questions of the universe, Audrey. Is there a destination for your journey? If not, maybe it is time to rest awhile. Here take this margarita.

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