Good morning, Flat Tire. You have no idea how much I dislike seeing you on a Monday. Tires like you have a way of stopping by at the most inopportune time, however, I thank you for leaving me a little of your air.
As punishment, I have driven on you to the gas station around the corner. Like some sort of sick joke, the machine that could fill you with air is wearing a fine little sign. Another delightful surprise appears on my face as I read, Out Of Order. Did you put that there?
Down the road we travel. I do hope my driving on your hurt boot is a painful experience, because I now feel like you deserve it. A lot. A new gas station appears and my hopes have been regained. No sign on this air thingamajig, so I introduce myself.
Pulling out my wallet and fumbling through my coin purse reminds me of the moment I used all my quarters. Who’s idea was it to purchase bubblegum for cute little children? Probably yours, Flat Tire. I now hate you.
Walking into the fuel station to a single woman in line looked hopeful, so I sighed. I shouldn’t have done that, you know. She’s buying mouthwash, a toothbrush, an energy drink and a Kit Kat candy bar. I figure she must have forgotten to pack an overnight bag when headed out last night, since this morning’s regret is written all over her face. Pretty dress, though. I hope he’s a nice guy, however, if he were maybe she could have used his toothbrush. I feel for her and try to be patient.
Young Lady cannot make up her mind, you see. She has decided to play the odds and buy a few scratch offs, maybe this is where she hits it big. Flat Tire, will you please help her decide which one she played last time? If only she could see the pictures, she insists. My tapping toe wants to help her find the right one, as she leans over the counter.
Hey! Remember, Young Lady, you’re in a dress and I’m in a bit of a hurry. How about we just throw caution to the wind and pick one. Any. One. Oh, good, it was the first one you looked at, well fancy that being the case. Yes, cash for those and a card for the others.
Denied twice, so far for the card, I suppose she gets that a lot. Let’s sit back and add up all the cash used on scratch offs. No, no time for it now. Not trying to judge, but we should talk. Third times a charm and she’s out the door.
Four quarters for me and you, Flat Tire, and I’m back outside. Those twenty minutes lasted forty-five. Your pressures gone from 10 to 7 in that amount of time. Stop punishing me. I could take you off and put on the spare, but this lady forgot to ask how to change you and it would take three times the time. Don’t tell my dad, and man you’re hungry.
Bent over and filling you up, has allowed a bit of a show for the gentlemen next door. I bet they have grass to mow, yet they haven’t moved on and are very sweet whistling for me. A catchy tune. A huge thank you to the man who offered to help. The sun isn’t even up and I’d prefer you kept your distance. Yes, your boots scared me just a smidge. Nice smile, Sir.
Flat Tire, I’ve filled you up, but now I don’t trust you. I have a feeling if I go to work you’ll just show up again and I’m over hanging out with you. I’ve decided to introduce you to Firestone and the bouncer they have out back. I’m confident he’ll shut you up, so smile and relax.
Two hour wait? I find out, then after an hour they cannot match a new tire to your other boots, so off we go on a hunt. Not sure who’s having the last laugh. Mondays, I’ve found, can be quite a bitch. *roar*
I’ve had many days like this. I feel your pain Audrey! π
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π Ha. Yeah, it was brutal.
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But you survived, that’s the main thing β€
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π yes!
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“…a Kit Kat candy bar…” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wanna have one with me, Carl??? I’d love to share one with you, if you’ll wear your Floridian shirt. #hubbahubba π Can you believe it? Yes, a Kit Kat candy bar!!!!! The nerve…
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It’s always good to get our roars out of us, though.
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Yes, I will agree. I enjoyed turning my frustration into humor.
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Yes :). Hope you’re having a good night!
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π I am, thank you.
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You’re welcome π
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Good one Aud. Be careful!
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Thanks, Brother. I love you. I should have had you teach me this summer…figures! π
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Very skillfully shared…you are wonderfully gifted!
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*smiles* Glad you enjoyed my humorous tale, Wendell. Thank you for stopping by my blog today. What a nice surprise. β‘
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At least it was only flat on the bottom, right, Aud? Sorry. Bad old joke there, but I loved the way you make chicken salad out of the situation, so what the hey.
I hope somebody somewhere in town got a new boot on the Charger for you, Red. And FYI, your tale of air hoses and such — unavoidable show for the grass cutters handled with grace — has rekindled my worries about how my car, my dear wife Karen’s car, most cars unless you upgrade to the max-cost version, do not come with a spare tire. Nope. I think they gave me a fix-it spray can but I better check on that.
I love it when you story-post, my friend. Thanks for sharing your sorry Monday morning with us.
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Your jokes are always welcome, Zak. One must always consider chicken salad, none in the eye for me.
The boot is fixed!! Problem is that I had a spare but no real idea how to change it, so I need to practice so I can handle the situation better next time. Yes, check your cars at home.
Thank you, my dear. You’re welcome, always, happy to bring a smile to your sweet face.
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Sorry for the Flat Tire and his bothersome ways — but you did craft a funny telling of his antics π
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Thank you, Gus. I always enjoy writing humorously, it seems to be going better than poetry. Hope you laughed… π
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My oh my….Charger lost a shoe….xxoo
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Yes, but better now, Mom. β‘ Love you.
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Not smiling at your misfortune, Audrey, but at the positive and humorous way you deal with it and share it with us.
This is so good.
john
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Smiles. Thank you, John. I had to laugh about it. Glad you did, as well. π Have a great day.
Goodnight…
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*laughing lots and lots* I do say: this could be a comedy sketch! *laughing more* Flat tires are such buggers. And this one had an attitude! Just goes to show you why buying bubblegum is a bad idea. Liked the roar at the end. And the fellow with the scary boots.
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*laughs with you and as I wrote about it in real time* I think you should have MM reenact this with his van. *giggle* Yes, we shall blame the children for wanting bubblegum! The roar was for you, because I knew you would enjoy it. Yes, even the scary boot man was nice… All I could do was laugh through it, Duketh. I have to teach myself how to change the tires on this car. I must. I know it can be done and I’m not afraid to do it. I was just caught off gaurd this morning.
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Haha…well, I think you should have cursed a bit. Then, maybe have thrown the car into the ravine.
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I probably did a bit, but not really. It is what it is some days. I wish I was strong enough to lift a car! I wouldn’t throw my car though….Plus, I’d just got it back after two weeks of warrenty work. Dang it. I bet they drove over the bolt, not me, in the first place.
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Aha! You should invade and sue them then.
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I do not have time for that business, Duke.
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*nods*
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*smiles*
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I used to have your tire. I sold it and the damn machine it was in love with to someone else. Sorry, it found its way to you.
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John, I’m not afraid to hunt you down in Corpus. Stinkin’ tire. What a morning… LOL
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Gotta shoot them. (watch that the bullet doesn’t bounce back)
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I think I’ll let my neighbor up the street try, if they’d like. π
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It’s really good to see just how perfect your sense of humor really is. This post is wonderful. A perfectly worded humorously written display of a really rotten morning. Thanks for sharing… and I apologize for laughing while reading your unpleasant encounter.
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Haha! Yes, I forget you’re fairly new to my blog. Once and awhile I write humorously, Michael. My poetry just brings out the dreamer in me. I’m glad you had a few laughs over my morning. It was intended to create laughter. π Thank you…
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I hope your week improves. Mine started with my car not running good at all (and this is after I had the spark plugs changed yesterday – what did he do to my car????)
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Thanks, Pamela. See! Now what did we do to deserve this treatment, I wonder. I am so sorry you had a rough morning, as well.
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We are just special
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Lucky us π
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The Firestone guy might have been able to patch that bad-boy tire, but probably a longer wait would be involved. As a dad, I feel myself wanting to say “I showed you how to change a tire” without remembering that it was when you were 16 and driving a different car. I hope the rest of your week is better than this start.
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Well, I waited over an hour for him to tell me he couldn’t patch the tire based on where the bolt is. Some business about it being on the seam and turning my tires would just make the patch come off. NTB said the same thing… Yes, he taught me far too long ago (15+ years) and it has been a long long time since I’ve had to change a tire. I used to be good at it and will teach myself how to change one on this car soon. Thanks. My week should only improve now. Have a great week yourself, Dan. π
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Ouch. I think you hate Mondays more than Garfield. Hope things improve.
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No, just this Monday, Charles. Arrived at the second place and the man offered to just change my tire to the spare, so I could think about it tomorrow. True Scarlet O’Hara form…lol. I suppose I owe that man a beer. Will think on that, as well. Pulling into work now. Who knows what’ll happen now…
Thanks! Enjoy your day. π
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Hopefully that was the big event for the week.
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Yes, let’s hope so!
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