Nothing connects, right now
Words narrowly escape deletion
With everything I have, I try
Not to find disgust, oozing
From my pores, which lack essence
Truthfulness and ability
I’m losing the battle, daily
Believing I am, nothing
I want you to know I am writing, but this is all that has come out the last few days.
The voices of self-doubt want me to believe them. I’m unloading a lot of self-hatred poetry, which I’m choosing to share, because if I don’t then they’ve won, right?
Disgraceful subject
Woman who has no esteem
I hear you laughing
***
Void of feeling again
Hypocrite looking for life
I cannot have you
***
Nothing but normal
Skies looking strangely the same
Difference screaming
***
I cannot force it
Ride the wave of indifference
Emotional mess
***
Pushing you away
Voices winning this battle
Immaturity
Pages of self-hatred found
Keeping me warm at night
Stupid woman, left believing
Voices, that have no name
***
She is unworthy
Nothing to offer, yet again
Finding my center
And the disgraceful poetry goes on and on and on…
Creepy place to be
So I believe none of it
Yet, all, if I try
Thanks for reading, maybe the voices will feel the sucker punch I just threw at them and leave.
I’m sorry to have missed so many of your posts. Love you.
Oldest Daughter & Red Headed Sister 
Keep holding on, sweet lady ❤
Love and hugs to you
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Thank you, Heather!♡ Hugs!!! XOXO
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Wow Audrey! You go girl! Give those screaming voices a good sucker punch or two. I know those awful voices and their all lies. Lies I tell you.
Hope you’re feeling better.
🙂
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Thanks, Staci. I’m trying. Yes, they are lies and I’m learning that its better to sucker punch them right when they arrive verses waiting three long miserable days. Thanks for the encouragement, my friend. xxx
Today is better than yesterday, so high five on that… 🙂
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I know how you feel. Been there. Hang on. Muddle through… it will get better. <3.
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Thank you, Kate. I am. 🙂 Ugh.
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We love you, too, Audrey! Be patient. I’m sure you’ll figure it all out.
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Aw! Thank you, B. I’m allowing the process to ride itself out. I’m much better, actually. It helps to reach out. Finally wanted to yesterday, but before that I just needed silence. Found myself in a strange spot I’ve never visited before. 😦 I’ll be good to go before long. Thanks for the encouragement.
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You’re welcome. I understand about needed silence. Hopefully you won’t go back to that strange spot :). I’ll be thinking of you.
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Not going back. Ever. Lonely there, ya know. I feel for those who deal with that sort of isolation daily. 😦 Thank you, my dear. ♡
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You’re welcome. I hope tomorrow will be wonderful for you!
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Thank you!
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You’re welcome. Hope you’re having a nice morning!
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So far so good, I get to say Hi to you. 🙂 Hi!
How is your day going, B?
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It’s going pretty well. Trying to write and write and write! Novels are no fun sometimes. It’s much nicer to talk to you, and say hi! 🙂
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Yes, I agree. Writing takes sooo much of our time. 🙂 We love it though, right? Thank you!…I agree, much nicer chatting with you.
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Well, we love it when it is done, I think. Though it would be much nicer chatting with you 😉 then looking at a blank screen. I hope the day is treating you kindly, Audrey! And writing is treating you kindly, too.
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Yes, done is better, for sure. Blank screen, that won’t do, Benjamin. My day and writing is already so much better…thank you. 🙂
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You’re welcome. I’m so glad to hear it. You’re back!
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Back it seems. 🙂 Yea, helps to admit that you’re having a hard time to like minded people. I should know better and lean on those creative minds that have been there. Helps to know it’s relatively normal.
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haha, Well thank you for the compliment. But I must confess that I often have trouble writing. That is why I write fast when I can write and much. I never know when I’ll run out of words. I think it is normal. But I do not like the feeling. But again, I’m glad you’re back!
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The writer’s flow…I know it well. You must know what you’re doing, so keep at it. 🙂
Thank you, B.
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You’re welcome. You keep at it, too. Have a wonderful rest of you day!
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The first sign of victory was writing this post, Aud. That was your initial haymaker, the punch to the gut of Lady Despair, the kick to the rump of Dame No Words. I am your corner man pushing you back out in the ring for the next round. Go get em, Red!
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I’m no Rocky, Chum. *giggle* That was so awesome….of course, you slip in and push me back in. I can always count on you. Thanks for the laugh… Yeah, victory is around the corner, but frozen in negativity for three days was hell. I knew this morning when waking to calmer thoughts that I’d overcome the roughest moments. I didn’t want anyone worrying, so I thought I’d better speak up. I don’t really like showing the weak side of me too much. Yuck. But I know everyone has those moments eventually. Thanks for cheering me through mine. You’re one of the best, you know. ♡
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I figured something was up, my friend. Your absence was noted. Your words of defeat weren’t really. They were the signal of the thawing!
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Yes, thank you, that is a perfect way to describe them…thawing. Sorry to have skipped out without mention.
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Don’t give up on yourself you are so much better than those voices. One step at a time. Here take my hand I know the way out I have travelled this road before. Xxx
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I figured if I can make it through the last three days, and today wake to clearer thoughts, then I’m headed out of those dark clouds, Willow. *holds your hand willingly* Thank you, my dearest friend. xxx
Thanks for always understanding this brain of mine. ♡
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Hang in there you are so much more than the dark clouds passing your mind and yes they will pass 🙂 ❤
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Thank you, Neha. This I know to be true, my friend. Thise clouds will pass. I appreciate your encouragement. 🙂
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❤ ❤
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♡:)
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The void is hard
The void is cruel
Yet t’is not you
That will loose.
Dive in deep
To find that Pearl
For she is there
Never you fear.
Hang on, Audrey. I’ve been there. When you surrender, Peace will come. I promise. (((HUGS))) Amy
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Aw. Thank you, Amy. Your poem has brought me strength already. I appreciate you and your kind heart so much. :)♡ I know God is with me. I believe..
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He is, Audrey. It may not feel like it, but I know He is. And I have so much faith in YOU that you will get through this. LOVE, Amy
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Thank you, Amy. I am in a much better place than I was two days ago. I’m blessed with a strength only He can provide. I’ll be myself in no time. I believe that, always.
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And bring with you, Audrey, all that you learned and experienced when you do arrive at the Gate to leave. There is always a Higher Purpose when we dip down into the Abyss, always. I recently wrote a small poem: Without the dark … Without the shadow … No-thing would BE. Think on that, for it is the Truth. Know you are LOVED above all else. (((HUGS))) Amy
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I will think on this today, Amy. Thank you for sharing your poem with me. I love it very much. xxx
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(((HUGS)))
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(((Love)))
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I agree with Mr Baron’s kind words. We all have self doubts. You are a wonderful writer.
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Thank you, Monsieur. Mr. Baron, like you, has an enormous and loving heart. I am thankful that he continues to bless me with his words and support.
Thank you for reminding me that we all go through moments of doubt. I do trust you and I’m always appreciative of your wisdom. You have always been a supportive guide. I cherish our relationship. ♡
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GBR! (Wink)
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You wanna go there, Sir?! I may never forget that moment. *giggle* GBR!
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Empathy oozes your way 🙂
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Michael J, it takes my sad poetry to bring you here? 😉 Thank you. I accept wholeheartedly. ..miss you and your poetry. ♡♡
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I know. It’s been a few days; quite a few days! I’ve been inundated with other matters and had very little time to even think about what to write. But I am keeping up with your writing as best I can 🙂
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No, ’tis fine! Really… I just love picking on you a bit. I have a soft spot for you British men and your accents. 😉 Hoping all is well…I know there has been some rocky roads. Keeping you in my thoughts. ♡
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Aw. That’s so sweet. Thank you. Yes. We have been over a few rocky roads of late. We seem to be in constant motion these last few months; a real whirlwind. Nice to know someone cares.
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Take care of you and yours, Michael.
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You too, Audrey.
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I really don’t know what to add to what has been said so far, but do know that your poetry is appreciated and looked forward to. The fact that you are able to create something out of those feelings is amazing in itself.
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Louis, thank you so much for that…wow. See, and you’re new around here so hearing that from you means a lot. You know, I write about love and being happy so much that I do try to take these very rare moments and go deep into places I never quite understand normally. It helps me become more apathetic, I suppose. I hope to be myself again soon.
Thanks again… 🙂
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Audith, don’t believe it! We all have doubts. Your writing is good. Something will come. (Doubts are normal little devils. They exist to make us stronger.)
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I’m really doing my best to believe beyond what I have allowed in, Duketh. I don’t know what I’d do without your support. I choose to believe that I am a good writer, despite this low moment I seem to find myself in…it’s all good. I just didn’t want smoke signals to start going up, so I figured I should touch base. (Yes, but how strong do I need to be??? Too many muscles on woman look a bit unnatural. Thank you. ♡)
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Sharing thoughts and feelings always helps. Just believe in yourself. I do! (Good point. But a woman’s strength isn’t necessarily a physical one, you know.)
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Thank you, always, Duketh. Sharing weakness is very hard for me. For most, probably. (Yes, we get to be soft, cuddly, sweet, and rock hard emotional pillars for our men.)
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It is. But it’s normal! (So true!!!)
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I never quite believe that very important piece of information. I should, I know. *smiles* (Its a good job to have when there’s work.)
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Believe it. Force yourself. It’s a conscious decision. If the will is there, you’ll be fine. I promise! *stern professorish eye* *laughs*
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I’m doing much better. The will is there…stop making me laugh. *frowns with a smirk*
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It’s good to laugh, dadblameit!
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Especially with you, Duke. No need to curse… *wink*
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I do hate then the silence is deafening. I’ve been struggling with the same thing…little inspiration. Maybe its all part of the cycle. Maybe the quiet leads us to become quiet so we can hear that still soft voice once again. Do not be discouraged by the sinister whispers of doubt and self-depreciation. They are only trying to silence the Beauty that you are Sharing. Believe ON< Oh Beautiful One!! And Trust Us, if no one else. We KNOW 🙂
❤ Love and Peace in Bountiful Blessings my Sweet Friend ❤
and if you need a shoulder do please feel free to email me 😉
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I think you’re right, Morgan, it is a vicious cycle. Thank you for your beautiful words of encouragement. ..you truly know the meaning of comfort. I adore you. I do trust…all of you. Hugs!
Thank you for your offer, Morgan. I will remember that, of course. 🙂
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😉 {{{hugs}}}
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♡♡
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I hope you keep reminding yourself that these are all voices from outisde, from the present, from the past, they are not you. Just lock the door to your beautiful heart, so they won’t enter in there! ❤ It is good to express emotions, no matter how horrible they are, that is the way to let them out and let them go! 🙂 Lots of Love to you! ❤ ❤ ❤
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Yes, Line, I have dug my heels in…I refuse to believe. My heart locked. 🙂 Thank you for your kind words. Hugs! ♡
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Oh, that is great!! You are brave and strong! 🙂 Big hugs to you too! <3<3<3
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Ahhh, just allowing the process to reek havoc for the time being. Brave and strong with all the lights on, I think. 😉 ♡
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Do not let the beast
Of insecurity slay
So lovely a heart.
*hugs*
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Thank you, my Poet 🙂 I shall do my best, always.
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And just so you know….without your encouragement, Mr. Baron, I would not have found my smile today. I am forever in your debt. I adore you.
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My pleasure 🙂 *bows*
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